Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

[MathsMadMummy]

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

Just remember and take your time and don't over do it willsurvive. Hope you have a good day.

Thanks LM - am actually discovering the wisdom of your words as my thoughts are starting to spin round and I'm starting to feel detached. So slowing down already x

had a good morning so far, just had my latest electricity bill cut by £120 thanks to the lady at British Gas who thought the figure seemed high for just under 2 months worth of bill and asked if I had a reading from when I moved in........turns out they'd estimated the first reading (I hadn't noticed on the bill) and so when I gave the reading as given on the condition report the bill plummetted!

And I'm up to date with my other bills as well - phew

willsurvive - I am glad, maybe have a cup of tea and sit down for half an hour. I know the thoughts spinning I did way too much last week so am still feeling the effects of it.

TF - well done on getting up to date with your bills, I struggle with that when i am like this it is the one thing i put my head in the sand over.

Hi everyone

really struggling here. Was awake all night with anxiety and then slept all morning when I should have been working, feeling guilty at how worried DH is getting about me. At last I finally get to see the GP tomorrow. Waited a week and it's been really tough.

Today's tiny achievements:
Sent an invoice for some work.
Did accounts.
Wrote one difficult email rather than put it off and spend another sleepless night over it.
And made one tough phone call too.
Still got two huge work projects I just can't focus on, but at least some of the small stuff is out of the way. But that's all I've done today, unless you count getting dressed.

How's everyone else doing?

Hi Racingheart,
That sounds like a lot of stuff esp when you are feeling not that great.

Today I made it to the gym and went out for coffee. Have been trying to get a new duvet cover for my room for over a week yet not found what I want.

You've been so much better than me today! Well done - and grrr.

I cancelled my social worker visit (which it's taken five months to get) because I felt too crappy to talk to anyone. I didn't shower today, or go anywhere beyond the back yard. I feel hopelessly, pathetically sorry for myself. I NEED A WHINE!!!

On the upside, I achieved a hell of a lot in yesterday's therapy & felt great, so I guess this is an inevitable downswing (I wanted the upswing to last longer, waaah!)

I painted half a wall this evening. And put a kitchen unit together. So that's more than nothing, anyway. Tomorrow's another day (the other half of the wall, and another base unit ...)

Thank you for the whine, ladies.

You're welcome! All that decorating and cabinet making when you're down is very impressive IGA.

Saw doc and am now on citalopram.
Hoovered downstairs
Went to work for 1/2 day
Picked up kids
Off to meet friends tonight and wish I was staying in instead, but am making myself go as haven't seen one of them for years, literally.

Feels yet again like I did nothing today and barely saw or connected with the kids.

Hi Grace - well done, it is all about ups and downs. And therapy eats and eats energy in spades.

Racing here's to the citalopram bringing you closer to your kids again.

I'm still finding things tough but...

I slept 7 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) hours without nytol and despite heavy cold. Can't remember the last time...So why does that make me feel driven over by a bus? (blatantly unreasonable whinge)

Am pretty much on top of house, did some small maintenance chores today and am slowly working my way through a list with things like buy new cookerhood filter and make appointment with ds's paed.

So not bad.

Oh, thank you for the feedback! Very generous of you, especially seeing how much better you two did

Racing, well done on the night out - how did it go? It's so annoying, the way depression makes you feel sure you won't have anything to contribute, you'll feel self-conscious, yadda yadda. I've named my inner critic Nell (as in Fucky Nell, haha) ... and it actually seems to have helped.

Proving the point above, I felt better today because I went to a meeting and a friend came round - since I had to talk to real people, I had to yank myself out of my gloom for a while. I volunteered to build a website for a community project. Financial insanity, but it means I'll have to go to more meetings. Which will do me good.

OK, tomorrow I'll follow your example and do some hoovering ... maybe just a bit, eh

Morning All,
How is everyone?
I went to the gym last night and went swimming (well sat in the spa) but since I have scars on my arms and legs and haven't put on a swimming costume since August last year before my relapse that was an achivement am hoping I can work up to going back swimming too.

I haven't done much today, my shins are really sore from my run a couple of days ago. My next order came today so am going to put my duvet cover on in the hope I will enjoy going to my bed a bit more.

I still have no start date for work which is worrying. I am going to do some washing and put the dishwasher on.

Lol Grace on hoovering. I like hoovering. It's laundry that defeats me.

Good that you went to the gym LM.

Last night went OK - too much wine though Not sure that's a good idea on citalopram.

Today I have to finish a work project - nearly done if I stuff my Perfectionist in the cupboard and don't let her out till I've mailed it.

OH is away so only other plans for today are to take kids to after school clubs and cook something nice for tea. Trying to take it easy and not feel guilty about leaving 1001 impossible tasks undone every day.

Had a bad night after yesterdays good one. I was very restless last night and couldn't settle. Was still awake when ds cried cold and miserable at 1.15 then was awake again at 4 and at 6...DH also had a bad night so grumpy time had by all this morning.

Then counselling

Oh

This talking about feelings. Admitting you are scared, weak, need to be loved, held, supported, remembering what I felt like when I was 8 and all these bad things happened.

So so hard. She was naming the feelings for me as she saw them. I know bum all about feelings

Counsellor concerned that I'm in a dark place asked me to think now who I will phone if things get bad again like the weekend.

Didn't cry and have pushed it all away again for now.

willsurvive i feel like that too after counselling. Could you do something nice for yourself even for an hour today? I used to go for a hot bubble bath in the middle of the day just to feel warm again.

LM, I was thrilled to hear about your hot-tub expedition! Well done, clever clogs
Good idea about the duvet cover, too. My bed's my sanctuary - piles of down, Egyptian cotton and pretty stuff. What you said about your bubble bath = my bed. It's good to feel safe & cossetted there.

willsurvive, it's the good stuff that's the hardest, isn't it? I hope you're remembering treats for you: you definitely deserve your rewards.

Social worker came today and helped me open piles of dusty, coffe-stained, ancient post I am in love with her!
Have promised myself bottle of Rioja if I hoover ...