anorak would be grateful for some friendly support

[anorak]

Further to chatting here I have realised that I am becoming depressed. I hope you don't mind my posting this thread asking for some day-to-day support for a little while. It would help me not to feel so alone. TIA xxx

Well I tried no alcohol on Sunday night and had an awful feeling of anxiety all day and evening which led to a terrible night's sleep. Then last night I had a few glasses of wine and went to bed late thinking it would help. But it was no different.

So it looks like some yoga/relaxation techniques might be a good thing. Where do you go for that?

Have just taken a massively strong imported St John's wort tablet as I need a break from this feeling.

Hey, this might be just the thing! Try it, you never know!

anorak, i think when alot of things happen at once, or major things all over the course of your life sometimes the enormity of things does just hit you. especially at this time in your life when your youngest will be starting school and you feel as though you have no sense of direction. You have had hell of alot to cope with over the last decade or so (your whole life really), you have had more happen to you than most people have happen in a lifetime. You will find yourself again and you will move forwards and, in time, stop feeling panicky. Panic attacks are horrible though, they hit you completely out of the blue. i have the same thing with alcohol in that it makes me relax and sometimes without it (for the first few days) i feel panicked.

sis, you are sweet. It made me laugh just looking at the website! It's only 2 miles from my house, you know.

beetroot, it's really kind of you to interrupt your holiday to speak to me. I saw Paul McKenna using the techniques you describe on TV the other night and I might have a go at trying to use them on myself. Have a lovely time in the reality of your safe place!

Hello fio, not sure if I am having panic attacks. Bit more sustained than that, I would describe them more as anxiety really. I don't feel panicky exactly. More like permanently full of dread if that doesn't sound too dramatic.

I spoke to the coach Fauve recommended this morning and she was great. Seemed to understand my innermost thoughts within minutes. We've organised a plan of coaching for when she comes back from holidays in Sept. That gives me some time to try and get the anxiety under control.

I made anorak laugh hooray!!!. I seriously think you should give it a go - I think they do normal boring hatha yoga there too.

Yoga is great Anorak - wonderful relaxation for the mind and body. If I have any tensions I feel alot of release from this peaceful way to exercise.

What a star your DH is, i'm glad he's looking after you.

So, the actual rest. What sort of thing do you fancy? A quiet B&B by the sea? A place to read, walk and enjoy the open air, or a place with galleries, cafes, etc? or a spa of some kind? Does it have to be close to public transport, or would you drive?

And, if you can afford cenerparcs, why not go? It is such an 'easy' thing to do, all laid on etc.

Reached another low spot last night. My sister phoned and I could barely talk to her. Went to bed at 9 o'clock. Still took over an hour to get to sleep but that was a great improvement on the previous two nights and once asleep I slept till 8.30 this morning.

Poor old dh couldn't get a civil word out of me last night. I tried the visualisation to get rid of the anxiety but I couldn't make it work. I'm not too good at that kind of thing. Too cynical. I need someone to make me do it!

googled a lot for yoga weekends yesterday but they all seemed too far away, too expensive or too advanced for me. Think I will sign up for yoga at my local sports centre instead and forget about looking for it on my weekend away.

Anorak, I had the tight chest and racing heart feelings when my PND was at its worse. I didn't think mine was a panic attack, per se, as it didn't seem to start and stop - it was pretty much constant. I think it was 'just' a general anxiety tied in to the depression.

I took St.John's Wort for about 6 months when I found myself slipping back into depression but didn't want to go on anti-d's again. It takes a long time to kick in though - several weeks.

None of that was advice really - just wanted to say I'm another one thinking about you and hoping things start to improve soon.

Oh, thought of some! I did use relaxation CDs when I found it impossible to sleep. At first I couldn't do it at all (just felt stupid) but if you stick at it they really do help. It's along the lines beety suggested - all that "you are lying on a warm beach" etc. and relaxing your body a bit at a time from your toes upwards. I got my CD on amazon.

Anorak, have you tried your local library noticeboard for local yoga classes? If there is one in a community/church/school hall - I would recommend that you try them as when I have tried classes in a gym, the lovely relaxation bit is a bit marred because of the music blaring out from the weights and other equipment section. Try for a beginners Hatha yoga class or one that focuses on breathing techniques. I really hope you find something that suits so that you can see what a difference it can make.

Sorry to hear you have hit a bad patch.
You do have a lot on your shoulders. Can you let it be known through the family that you are temporarily needing a bit of respite? Even in difficult circiumstances, time and time again we hear people saying on MN 'I ususally talk to my friend/sister/cousin etrcetc but she's going through a bad patch so i don't want to bother her'. Isn't it your turn not to be relied on? Just for a few weeks?

If you haven't the energy, let the answerphone do the talking. Don't TRY and talk to your sister, and then feel you've failed. Let the machine or DH take the message, and deal with it later. opr tell her: i'm nit up to conversations for a few days'.

Do you feel that is possible?
I do a lot of this, take all the call,, and then (not saying you do this) feel put-upon and martyred. It doesn't help me, and it's not the sensible approach to pressure!

If you are depressed, you are poorly, and poorly means you have to alllowed to convalesce and get better. it doesn't mean you carry on answering everyone else's needs.
Are we going to have to give you a 'hard stare'?

anorak-havent been able to read through this whole thread, but it was on feeling depressed that i first found mumsnet 9 months ago and value the wonderful advice i was given.
i am going to read the other thread and catch up then i will post again
sending you {{hugs}}} in the meantime.

just read through your thread-you have had a lot to cope with emotionally in the 5 years and there is only so much one person can deal with.
it sounds as though you may have an anxiety disorder, which can lead to feelings of helplessness, depression etc.is it any wonder you are feeling like this though?, your mind is saying, enough already, I cant cope with anymore and its good that you have recognised that something is amiss.
it sounds as though your pattern of thinking has changed because of the stressful events you have experienced, you need to redress this pattern.
you are not alone anorak, this time last year i was the proud mum to a week old dd, baby number 4, life couldnt better, but within weeks i went through many horrifying experiences and am now battling a panic disorder,i have found that i feel ten times worse if im not getting enough sleep, do you sleep well??lack of sleep has been proven to contribute towards depression, which in turn leads to poor sleep and becomes a vicious cycle.
feel free to CAT me if you like.
{{{hugs}}}

Thank you all for your posts. Christie, I like the sound of the course. Only trouble is I am really crap at following what is going on in fitness classes. I can't remember the moves and end up looking a complete fool.

Maybe a video might be better. Is there one around that's any good?

I do have a couple of 'whale music' cds that I have been known to fall asleep to. Thanks, that's a good idea. I'll borrow dh's walkman.

blu, my sis never stresses me out - she only rang to say hello and chat so martyrdom isn't an option . I guess I just answered the phone without thinking. It's usually for one of the teenagers! Next time I feel like that I'll get dh to answer it. Please don't give me a hard stare

I didn't know there was such a thing as an anxiety disorder, but now you've said it it makes perfect sense. I can't make my mind up whether or not to consult the doctor. I don't want to use anti-depressants or beta blockers. I'm more the sort of person who gravitates towards natural methods - yoga, herbs etc. But my doctors are very sympathetic and very good so maybe I should go just to make sure there isn't any physical cause and to get a proper diagnosis - what do you think?

anorak-its always a good idea to see your gp to rule out any physical causes, but you dont sound as though you need anti-depressants.
i wouldnt recommend taking beta-blockers unless you suffer from a really fast heart rate.
there are plenty of natural remedies that promote relaxation, valerian is one of them.
rescue remedy is good for anxiety.
you dont need to bust a gut in front of a fitness video or in the gym!!!
a short brisk walk every day can make a whole lot of difference.

OK, no hard stares - just checking!
Sometimes I am just too flat-out even to talk to the friends who 'give' me the most . It really is a 'running on empty' state, isn't it? Sometimes communicating even with those you really love, just takes the last scrap of energy. I do know.
Really sorry, Anorak, I can't remember (or maybe never knew) whether you have been on ADs. I'm a fighter, a trooper, a coper, a manager, and usually full of motivation and vim. But when I started to crash, I found 10mg of Ciprolex for a few months gave me a fresh start again.
Have you used St Joh's Wort before and found it helpful?

Hi Anorak,
I finally get to chat with you on mumsnet! Sorry to hear how you're feeling. Somethings I find very helpful with coping when exhaused: tissue salts no: 6 Kali Phos and no:9 nat mur (you'd buy them at a chemist or health shop) Also, flax oil (a source of omega 3 fats - just buy a good quality, could pressed version) and take 1 tablespoon twice a day. Also try to either increase the amount of green leafy veg or take a Vitmin B complex and Vitamin C and Zinc.
lots of love and healing wishes being sent with this!

Hi Anorak - sorry, have only just caught up with this thread and just wanted to say Hello and thinking of you. Sounds like you've had a hell of a lot to cope with .

A weekend away sounds like BLISS! I'm not sure where you live, but how about booking into a quiet B&B somewhere if money's tricky, and taking tons of books and just chilling out? Or a hotel with a pool?! That would be my ideal weekend retreat - just somewhere quiet that I could take half a dozen books and sit somewhere reading, with the odd swim to make me feel like I'd had some exercise!

Maybe don't rule out anti-depressents or other medication, as they might help get you through a particularly rough patch - you wouldn't need to stay on medication for ages - dp has found twice now that about 3 - 4 months of ADs have really helped in the past - although only today we've gone and bought some St John's Wort to see if that will help sustain her now she's feeling better.

Anyway, much love, and keep posting - it's nice to chat!

anorak, I'm so sorry you've been having a bad time... -

Please look after yourself - it seems you have been low on the priority list for so long.

Go and have a fantastic break somewhere.. but try and alter your life so that you begin to feature more.

xxxx

Thank you all, you're lovely xxx. fairi my friend, how wonderful to have your advice. Just for other people's benefit - fairi is a very old friend of mine who now lives thousands of miles away so we haven't seen each other for years. She's the wise owl that introduced me to the whale music about 12 years ago! She's also a very talented lady and knows a thing or two about natural therapies and remedies.

I have experienced both anti-depressants and St John's wort. I much preferred St John's wort as the anti-depressants made me feel really out of it - like a deferment of having to feel anything. This is great for those who need a break from thinking about the sad things. But I don't fall into that category. I'm not in a difficult and sad place emotionally I'm just too paid out and I don't need an anaesthetic but something to help me gather my reserves so I do feel that in my case the supplements and relaxation therapies will be more suitable.

I do have a reserve supply of St J's W which I dip into occasionally on very stressful days - they're imported, 917mg capsules and just one takes immediate effect. But they are a bit OTT and I don't want to go back to using them every day. Especially since it's no longer possible to import such high doses and so my supply is limited.

Today I feel a bit better. I had a lovely night out with Tabs last night and she made me forget I was feeling depressed, bless her.

I'm having a weekend away with 15 yr old dd this weekend so I am compiling a shopping list of all these suggestions and will have a bit of a spree in between relaxing in the hotel pool and gym.

anorak, dont laugh but have you considered seeing a hands on healer? i see mine when thingsare getting a bit much, it gives me a bit of time out and i always feel refreshed and calm when i leave, she has helped me so much over the last year.