I'm a new member ot this forum i'm male in his early 40's. I suffered from abuse when I was younger and its effects lasted a long time. It took me to the edge of a mental breakdown and several attemtps at suicide before I even got my head around why I was standing at the edge looking down..
But it has past, it is finished and I have no longer any issues talking about it, describing it in detail when its relevant, understanding it and more importantly than anything else accepting that it happened and I am past it.
Now I could write ten thousand words about the things you could do, should do, might do etc to make yourself feel better, but in truth they are the things that worked for me and me alone - i.e. there's no 'one size fits all' way of overcoming abuse.
But I will say this and this is true of the many people I now work with overcome their abuse, from men who have been raped to people living with years of emotional and psychological abuse, there is one thing you have to do.
First, reject completely the label 'victim'. If you can step away from that mentality and do nothing else, you will start to regain your freedom of mind and control over your life. The whole notion of 'victim support' of treating you like you are at the 'mercy' of someone else does nothing other that keep you in the place where you are small and 'they' are in control. It leaves you powerless and weak, vulnerable and not in control of your life.
Change this one thing and you will move a mountain in your life. Then you need to do this. And I know some of you will read this and inside yell at the monitor and 'hate' me for saying it, but it needs to be said.
You can cry and scream for revenge, you can rage for the rest of your life at the injustice of your 'stolen' childhood, teenagehood, virginity, your bullying, your daily racial abuse, domestic violence, what ever it is and you can keep doing it until the day you die, it won't change a single solitary thing.
If you want to move on you need to resolve your issues surrounding anger, rage, frustration.. what ever it is you live with, it needs resolving, all the bits, all the parts, the niggly feelings, thoughts and issues that arose from it. You need to resolve them.
Then you need to resolve this. What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Are you going to stay a victim, or are you going to be the one who walks away and lives their life on their terms, free from any emotional damage, free from the bad dreams, insecurity, low self esteem, fear and all of those things that you know you have right now.
You have to resolve them - every single piece of it needs to be resolved and you need to take control. be angry for a while if it helps, rage aginst 'him', 'her', 'them' if you must, 'hate' till the cows come home, but in the end, do something positive for you and live the life YOU want free from it.
Your sense of injustice might be immense, the 'outrage' off the scale, but you have to decide what it is you want from the rest of your life.
I've not preaching some fluffywuffy hippy 'peace and love' bollox here (in fact I hope I don't come as preachy at all - that's really not the intention. I've been there too and it's a shit awful miserable and crap place to be), what I am saying is that YOU can take back control and LIVE the rest of your life on your terms.
Find the help you need, it doesn't matter what it is, or where you get it from, be proactive and get the help you need - it is there. I'll tell you this. The day you say you're sick of feeling the way you do, the day you say you want your life to change, that you can't bear another day like today, the day you say you'll do what ever it takes, go where ever you need to go emotionally, logically and psychologically, this is the day you get your life back.
It may not be easy getting there - TBO, my experience was exhausting at times, but no words in any language in any dictionary can ever describe the moment you feel the guilt, the shame, the anger, the rage, the sense of isolation lift, once and for all.
You can do it, you really can.