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Original poster

Support thread for those abused (whatever the abuse)

289 replies

adelicatequestion · 22/01/2010 17:27

There seems an opportunity here to join together and provide support for each other wherever we are on our journey to recovering.

Post whatever you need, ideas, coping mechanisms, books you've found helpful, therapy techniques .....and anything else.

OP posts:
Nemofish · 21/04/2010 23:56

Sweetie I know that you are not a waste of space, you are not a dirty tramp. I have an IQ of one hundred and fucking thirty and I am never wrong.

If you are, then I must be too and the rest of us on this thread.

I don't understand about your psychologist offices? Surely they can't be withdrawing support from you just because they are moving? Barstewards!

You sound very down and like you need a friendly ear as soon as possible. I have rung the Samaritans before and they are brilliant at what they do, best non-judgemental listeners ever.

Has your GP been any help to you?

Have been reading lots of this thread and like willsurvivethis I am worried about you right now.

rhksmum · 22/04/2010 00:08

No not with drawing support but for long enough when I have spoke about my dad in sessions , he has always been there, but she moves to new offices next week

and i'm scared

I know I'm not worth worerying about
i'm just a waste of space

Nemofish · 22/04/2010 00:23

Well you're just going to have to take my word for it rhksmum, and let me worry about you.

Don't be scared, keep posting, I am on here several times a day, I will check this thread every time, mumsnet is here for you, so am I.

You are not alone. Deep breaths, take everything one minute at a time.

Can you get extra support sweetie? How old are your dc(s)?

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/04/2010 00:32

Hi, may I join you?

rhksmum · 22/04/2010 00:34

my children are 9, 12 and 15

I feel like I have messed them up so much

Although they haven't had to go through what I did, I still feel like I have messed them up

Alambil · 22/04/2010 00:35

rhk, if you are breathing, you are worth something..... keep repeating: I am worth it. I AM worth it.

I am afraid I don't know your back story... sorry

Nemofish · 22/04/2010 00:37

We all mess them up in one way or another. No parent is perfect.

You didn't allow them to go through what you did, that's very important.

They need you, they love you, you are their mum, you are the world to them.

Hi there BelleDeChoc!

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/04/2010 00:38

I've not met one parent who doesn't feel as if they have let them down at some point, I feel like this quite often, it doesn't mean that you or I have though. Children are more resiliant then we give them credit for most of the time.

Hello Lewis

SirBoobAlot · 22/04/2010 00:42

Hi rhk. Am sending you virtual chocolate and tea.

I don't know your back story, but for now, just talk with what is in your head, there is no need to explain. Take a deep breath, and remember we are all here.

You are not a waste of space. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone is human; that is why mistakes are okay. It is so easy, especially if you have suffered, to berate yourself for every tiny thing. You don't need to add any extra pain on top of what you are already carrying with you.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/04/2010 00:43

Hello Nemo

How I see things is that you can't change the past, most of the time you have no control over it, you can't control what other people do so how on earth can you be responsible for it? Worry about what you can control, you can control where you are going and how you are going to get there. Life's really shit for some people, it's really tough to accept that all that's happened is not your fault though, this is the first step.

rhksmum · 22/04/2010 00:45

I may not be perfect but I have messed up big time

I dont know how to do this anymore,

I dont know how to be a proper mum

Nemofish · 22/04/2010 00:45

I know that I've spent several decades years carrying all this guilt and shame that wasn't mine to carry. Feeling guilty for stuff that wasn't my fault iyswim.

Don't want to do that anymore, I refuse to!

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/04/2010 00:47

Have you tried to contact your health visitor? There are places where you can take parenting classes if you feel as if you need to. Even if you have messed up, there's always a way to fiz it, you have to have strength and faith in yourself.

SirBoobAlot · 22/04/2010 00:50

Its always so much worse at night, isn't it? When everything from the day - and the days, weeks, months, years before that - comes flooding back, and you granulate it all into salt to rub on your wounds.

We all make mistakes. And really, none of us never know if we're doing this parenting lark right or wrong.

Alambil · 22/04/2010 00:50

you must be doing something right - you've raised three children to teenhood...

I've scraped by with a LOT of help from my mother (who sometimes really hacks me off!) with Ds - he's nearly 8 and doesn't seem too scarred by what's happened in our lives...

Children are really far more resilient than we ever imagine..... (and I say that as someone whos child has a rapist wife beater as a dad, just so you know I don't exactly make clever decisions at times in my life!)

rhksmum · 22/04/2010 00:59

I really struggle with groups, I know practially what the kids need, but I just dont know how to do it anymore

SirBoobAlot · 22/04/2010 01:01

What group is it they need to attend, rks? Is there someone else who could take them?

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/04/2010 01:02

Start again with small groups and build it up. Do you have a good friend who can support you?

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/04/2010 01:12

I'm so terribly sorry, I can't keep awake so should crawl off to bed.

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 22/04/2010 01:29

rhk - do you know what your children need the most?

They need a mum.

Not a 'proper' Mum, not a 'brilliant' Mum, just 'a Mum'

Please remember you do not need to be perfect, you just need to be good enough.

And right now, you are the only person in more than 60 million in this country who can give that to your children.

So, You are not one in a million, you are one in 60 million.

What an amazing , unique position you are in.

Your children are lucky to have you.

Please don't take that amazing priveledge away from them, it will never be replaced.

scoutliam · 22/04/2010 02:08

I'm gonna very rudely but in to second every word of Bitterandtwisteds post.
I was going to try and expand on it but it it says it all, your children want and need only you.

scoutliam · 22/04/2010 05:01

Oh God I bored you to sleep with the the most trite post ever written.
Hope you feel stronger in the morning, there's always some one about if you need to talk again.

SirBoobAlot · 22/04/2010 08:40

I hope you're feeling better this morning, rhk. Bitterandtwisted is so right - they just need you.

willsurvivethis · 22/04/2010 08:45

RKHS there you are - was worried about you as I couldn't find you on fb last night. Had an early night as falling over with lack of sleep. Glad there were others there last night x

Let your dad stay in the other offices. Give you a chance to do some healing in the new ones. I'm not really kidding, I would love him to leave you alone for a while.

Am out this morning with some appointments including counselling. Please go see her. Hope to talk to you later.

Keziahhopes · 22/04/2010 16:10

Hi,
willsurvivethis - hope not being in work is helping you.

Like some people here I totally blocked any abuse I suffered from, until I started therapy for my depression and gradually things started coming into my head. No therapist has prompted anything and I cannot talk about anything but have begun work on how my Mum emotionally abused me and neglected me, which I struggle to acccept cos she is my Mum. Trying for a child x number of years ago is what triggered off my mental health issues, now am understanding why - but still no child .

Sorry not been posting - got sent by crisis team to mental health ward, in fact am still there but got laptop and dongle now!

Rkhsmum- big hug for you, keep posting - x