Support thread for those abused (whatever the abuse)

[adelicatequestion]

There seems an opportunity here to join together and provide support for each other wherever we are on our journey to recovering.

Post whatever you need, ideas, coping mechanisms, books you've found helpful, therapy techniques .....and anything else.

Willsurvive, so sorry to hear this.
Try and be gentle with yourself xx

I hope this thread will have some cheer! My only source of help at the moment is a marriage guidance counsellor, as dh and I have run into a wall. I don't want to talk about myself much. My brother has been having a bloody awful time, saying exactly the same things as I have and it's very distressing. He has said he will disappear if anything else horrible happens to him. I'm feeling very broken at the moment and responsible for my brother. My baby brother was very much the 'Golden Boy' when he was small. I was beaten and bullied, though in some ways the most 'successful' of my siblings. I don't feel at all successful. My brother meanwhile has shared exhibition space with Young British Artists and showed at ICA. He is hiding too. I am also finding it hard having been diagnosed with breast cancer,and IBD, which is having a field day. I just feel like such a harbinger of doom.

Willsurvivethis - thanks for update. Seems like they are investigating, although limitations sound frustrating for you. Hope the next few days go as well as they can for you.

SC - sounds a tough time for you. Hope you able to access the support you really need.

Keziah they are not investigating - this is it. The system in my home country knows statutory limitations within which you must bring a case or be forever silent. This is The End. I will never know and at the moment doubting myself like mad. Maybe it never really happened?

Bloody weather

Psychologist cancelled appointment

Phoned cpn to see if the appointment she offered me for today was still available but looks like the weather has stopped her getting to work.

I'm beginning to feel like some one has it in for me

Think I need to go back into hiding, stop talking and then I wont feel like I do now,

Willsurvive,
I'm sorry it didn't work out they way you hoped it would.

Just know we are all thinking of you xx

willsurvivethis

Do not doubt yourself. You know it happened. Just because they won't investigate doesn't mean it didn;t happen.

SC - you are going through a really bad time, please focus on yourself. You cna;t change your brothers. I am just realising this too after taking responsibility for everything other than me. Take care and keep posting.

Keziah - How are things for you now?

I've had a very emotional session today where I realised my mum hurt me as much as the abusers and that's been hard to accept today. I've also been offered emdr but it costs a lot and I don;t know if the benefits will be worth the cost? Anyone know? DH doesn;t want me to pay. Psych nad psychologist say it will help.

So confused. Don;t know which way to turn.

willsurvive this - like ADQ says, just because of the country's fixed rules about time limits of investigations, it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. Your pain is real.

ADQ - things are more stable thanks. We managed to get all letters recalled and destroyed officially, so am trying to accept that what the dr wrote was wrong and that I am not the person that they wrote about. Don't know what they will write instead and lots of issues involved - just aiming for numbness.

ADQ - regarding EMDR I would say if it is affordable for you go for it! My therapist is trained in it and when stable enough she will use it for me (we pay private too, as NHS not provided me with a psychologist and hte only counselling offered was psychodynamic with a nurse and it was awful). Sometimes I feel like I work to pay for medical care, but am just thankful that can do that. Sorry, I rambling - hope you can pick out points!

Keziah

Someone gave me the name of a brill therapist on the south coast near Southampton/Bournemouth I think. So if you;'re near there email me [email protected] and I'll give you his name.

Obviously i can;t vouch for him but it was a GP who told me. I'm going to a talk by him an a couple of months so I'll let you know what he's like. He does a lot of work with ptsd.

Thanks ADQ, will email you.

Saw cpn this morning at the centre, she was really nice, but then she always is, from what I remember of the session she did talk some sense and she did seem to get 'me' but the room she took me to was up the stairs and in the middle of the corridor, so there was alot of people walking past the room. My thunmb is a mess from where I was squeezing and scratching it trying to ground myself, to stop myself from thinking about the footsteps.
The door kept opening as the catch was broke so she had to lock it, sh did ask ifit was ok but I couldn't say it wasn't, that I was terrified of being there, locked in a room with the footsteps outside.

On a plus point psychologist phoned today so I'm going to see her tomorrow, so if please keep your fingers crossed that nothing goes wrong i would be so so grateful

Hope everyone is ok xx

RHKSmum so glad the psychologist did exactly what you hoped for and phoned with a quick appointment - just confirms that she doesn't let you down

And glad that the cpn talked sense and got you but yes the locked door and footsteps must have been beyond distracting...

How's everyone else?

Willsurvive

Thanks, just wish I could trust my instincts, maybe one day I will be able to.

Had a review meeting with children 1st this afternoon with my daughter which went ok'ish I think. They said she is very like me, a people pleaser, which I'm not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing. She was told though that if her behaviour continues then she may be removed from the house. I told her how I just want my little girl back, how I know that deep down she is still there. That I didn't want her turning out like me, if I'd had the help and support she has had over the years I might not be the mess I am now. She got really upset, really broke down It's the first time I have actually seen her get upset like that and not through anger. It was heartbreaking seeing her like that

I dont know what happens next, we have to wait to hear if they will continue seeing her, hopefully they will.

How did your first day back at work go willsurvive?

i dont know if i belong in this thread at all....i was mentally and verbally abused by my husband for many years...sometimes he was violent too. i know nothing i have been through is as bad as the things some of you have experienced (i think you are all so very brave) but the experience has destroyed the person i was all those years ago, i just cant seem to fully move on from what happened. while he is moving on with his life the things he said and did still echo in my thoughts and are still affecting everything i do.

rhksmum

Gosh, it sounds as if some positive changes are taking place. The fact that your daughter is getting upset instead of angry is extremely positive, because now she will process the upset rather than holding on to it. This will also be positive for you.

Give her loads of cuddles and thankyous for opening up.

I hope they do still keep seeing her. There is clearly more for her to get out.

I have been away -spent a week being sick and then at the weekend my lovely nan died.
I'm still a bit numb but was able to cry at the funeral.

Hope everyones ok.

graziagirl - welcome to the thread. It is very difficult to move on frm any type fo abuse. What you have been through is bad and you deserved better. Counselling has helped tremendously. Are you getting any help?

Grazia welcome - we do not distinguish between bad abuse and not so bad abuse - it's all bad.

ADQ glad you're back - answered you on fb but obviously too late.

RKHS you are making progress - hope you can believe me even if you can't see it x

Struggling here. First week back at work (well 1.5 days this week) is much harder than I thought . Still awaiting announcement on future of the office so mood at work is pants.

Have met my new counsellor this morning which made me realise it's going to be a big adjustment and I will mis my lovely therapist more than I thought, although I can see it work with this one. Sorry am pretty low at the mmoment so moaning too much

Hope you all ok

Welcome grazia ... all abuse is abuse and bad like others said.

Sorry to hear about your week ADQ.

Willsurvivethis - you are not moaning. Glad you still having some counselling now you finished with therapist ... and that you can already see it will work with new one. When I returned to work after months off ill it was tough - just physically with stamina, ignoring all else. But it got better each week, and I just had to pace myself and use hol time better.

How's everyone doing?

I thought I was doing ok, thought that everything was beginning to go back in its box and leave me alone, but it hasn't.

My head feels like a jigsaw puzzle, like someones took the picture away and I'm trying to put it back together but not doing too well.

Hi rhksmum - what you wrote sums up my last 48 hours well. Its tough isn't it?

It is tough Kezia, tougher than I thought it ever could be.

I dont want what's going on in my head, I dont want the memories, they're all jumbled up and I cant make sense of them, I dont know if I want to make sense of them because I'm scared of what they will mean.

RKHS and Keziah hang in there you twoand keep telling us how it is going- we are all here for you. RHKS will be around tonight if you need to chat.

At work right now but today not a great day - tired and had minor panic attack that needed coping with. Long live Rescue Remedy and mumsnet for a quick refuge.

Will post properly later.

do you know what the jigsaw can go out the window, because I dont want it, I dont want it, I cant remember any more, I cant, I need it to stop

Willsurvivethis - hope work going well this afternoon, nearly over now.

I gave up on work this week so now with self, but like you rhksmum my head is jumping and won't go numb.

My cpn eventually rang me back and told me I was being demanding and to "do" - and I should have told them before it got to crisis point; I couldn't I was "doing" like they tell me to till my head exploded! I got told that I keep accusing them of "not listening" - and when I eventually told them what was going on I got told "well why didn't you tell us that, you won't cope by doing cos you are traumatised" - well isn't the fact they told me to do and not listen what I kept telling them since Xmas!

Rkhsmum - jigsaw out of window a great idea, I will join you!!

Hi, CPN after telling me lots of stuff has got me prescribed prn diazepam and a week's worth of an antipsychotic that has scared me just reading the common side effects!! (quetiapine)

Keziah sorry things are such a struggle and that you've given up on work. Have you phoned in sick or given up completely?

Have googled quetiapine and find the common side effects as described milder and less scare than my dh's ADs. But I can imagine you don't like the look of them. Do you know why you've been prescribed them?

Wasn't at work yesterday as I work part time. I had my second meeting with my new counsellor and discovered it is working very well. Some skillful comments had me open up quite deeply and get emotional.

Well off to work now. The office is due to close at the end of March. I have been handed my notice and found out I will still be paid until 9 June - so one less worry there and enough time to find the right new job.

Hi everyone else how are you all doing?