Support thread for those abused (whatever the abuse)

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There seems an opportunity here to join together and provide support for each other wherever we are on our journey to recovering.

Post whatever you need, ideas, coping mechanisms, books you've found helpful, therapy techniques .....and anything else.

Keziah

Sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment.Why are you not safe. Do you want to hurt yourself?

Has he actually said you will never get better. That's an outrageous thing to say. Did he actually say that, or is that your interpretation. I know I misinterpret things when I'm on a low.

Sounds like a change in psychiatrist is needed.......if that's possible

Take care of yourself.

You may be assuming you're not worth helping, but you most definitely are.

This will be a temporary blip. What are they doing to hwlp - anything? Have they ever helped?

Keziahhopes sorry you are feeling like this - not feeling safe is nasty and that's an understatement.

I don't understand why you are being treated like this and shoved from pillar to post.

Don't have advice just thinking of you. I smile whenever I see your name because my dearest friends have a Keziah and she was born after a long battle with infertility. Hang in there x

I'm actually a bit better tonight - I had my bible study group tonight and I was leading the study - had spent a lot of time preparing and was getting stressed because my head was in a bad place today but it went well. Plus was prayed for about my work situation (have not shared the abuse stuff with the while group, some friends who are in the group know).

So feel a bit lighter now and optimistic I will get some sleep.

Hope you all do too x

poshwellies........thats exactly how i feel now ............."I don't feel the anger or the pain anymore,I've let go of that as it was destroying me but I will never get over the fact I lost my childhood and innocence.
.......... It destroed me and i ended up in hospital for 3 months,missed DS1 walking as i was too ill to come home. I couldnt function to make a cup of tea.
I lost all my childhood and now cant remember anything about my childhood except the abuse from my stepbrother for 4 long years. Mine didnt surface til i had DS1 when i was 33 and i had a nervous breakdown with bottling it all up for so long. ADQ knows my story. Stepbrother was a complete pervert....my mother didnt believe me until she confronted her son.
Had years of pyschotherapy and 5 years of solid AD's.

Now 20 years down the line i have disconnected mysef from him completely and told him to never ever call me again. I dont like the word hate ,but i hate him for what he did and now he is masquerading as a lay preacher. What a hypocrit.

I have decide that i have shed enough tears and it is time to move on ,but the memories never go and the film of iot all in my head never goes away either.
It has left me with insomnia and i find it difficult to sleep in my bed. It is easier on my settee....to cat nap......

Hi to everyone
when i had a baby boy it affeced me greatly ,although i have to say i love my boys to bits and we are very close

I've finally plucked up the courage to join this thread, I've not name changed for it though not sure if I will live to regret it but since I outed myself on my other thread theres no point in hiding from it anymore.

I'm struggling big time with what happened to me, remembering more and more what happened and it is affecting everything in my life.

I have soo many questions which I know I will never get the answers to, which makes it soo much harder to understand why they did it. Was it something I did, said, wore, was it because they had to get married because she was pregnant with me? Was it because I wasn't a boy, was I such a disapointment to them? I dont know and its eating me up inside

rhksmum welcome - glad you joined

And to answer some of your questions no, it wasn't anything you did. It was what they did. They chose to do it, they are the ones who have something wrong with them.

It is hard but this is the single most important thing to get your head around: you are the victim and nothing else.

Honest

rhksmum

welcome to this thread. I understand whre you are in th ememories coming back. Mine are coming back more and more, stronger and stronger. It is hard.

Do you have any support locally, day to day.

Some of the things you write about ring huge bells with me too. You are not alone in this.

I wonder all the same things, especially the bits about having to get married and being a boy. As a 10 year old, I prentended in the extreme to be a boy (had my hair cut really short, told everyone a boys name, wouldn;y go in ladies toilets only mens). Never told anyone that before. Just wanted you to know you arenot alone.

This has absolutely nothing to do with anything you did. It is 100% them.

I'm only just coming to terms with this.

Need some practical advice here.

For thelast week I have been having lots of memories returning and the visions in my mind are driving me crazy. They just won;t go even for a few miutes.

I am playing my ipod full blast with Meatloaf or anything loud and rocky for my mind to have something to focus on.

What atrategies do you use/any pointers on how to distract myself and not think about these all day every day.

I go to work, but haven;t done anything in a week.

ADQ I am sure we will chat about this lots but I honestly find accepting them and letting them wash over me the only thing that works. And writing things down as I keep boring you with.

The old saying is what happens if you try not to think of a pink elephant - all you do is think of it.

These memories want out and they will keep knocking until they are out. Try to make the space in yourself and around you to let them. Call me if it gets too bad. But try not to supress them again.

It's hard, I've been there you know that xx

I've been trying but they are there every day. And have been since last week. I just want them gone.

Might log on later to fb. Dinner needs doing now.....................

I know what you mean. What works for me when I start flashbacking and disassociating is to click my fingers or tap my foot. It's subtle so you can do it anywhere and it brings me back into this world.

My therapist also suggested splitting my mind in two, so I have two screens; one really focusing on sights and sounds around me and the other letting the flashback just roll but as if I'm watching a film. That can work too for me, practice and find one that helps you.

I have also been prescribed sleeping pills since last summer and take them a couple of nights a week, just so I can get some sleep. It's very tiring otherwise and I can barely function at work and with DD.

Saw my psychologist today, why is she nice to me? I keep telling her dont be nice, I can't deal with that, it scares me

She gave me the option today of slowing the sessions down as I'm drowning in everything and we can just talk about normal stuff if I want. I said that would be good but she has a habit of managing to get stuff out of me without me realising I'm talking about stuff(if that makes sense)
We spoke about how to ground myself during flashbacks, about my breathing, to make sure what ever I breathe in I breathe the same out.
Its hard, I remember every detail of my dad, but his friends I dont remember anything, I try to remember but that part just wont come. I find I'm looking at people in the street thinking were you one of them? Rationally I know they cant be(well I hope not) as I spent most of my childhood in Germany but it stills scares me.

I dont know what the point in this post is, I dont know what I'm doing, she says I can phone her back this afternoon if I'm struggling which I think I'm gonna have to do because I cant shift these images. Shes off next week and I'm scared how I will manage, she's the only one I can trust to talk to about this so I guess I will be filling up this thread if thats ok?

rhksmum I look forward to you filling up this thread and honoured that you feel you can.

She's nice because you like every human being deserve niceness. But you can't see it. And it is difficult to deal with. I sometimes run away (physically or from computer/fb/mn) if someone is too nice. Or cover my face/turn around. It is painful and confusing.

But it is slowly getting better. And she needs to keep being nice until you see it.

I can actually see you making progress weird as it sounds. Things are coming out in due course it WILL heal you

Keep talking as much as you can xx

Thank you queenow.

It's useful to know how other people deal with it. I need to find a way to deal with it because it is stopping me doing what I want t do. I won;t even go for a walk or out on the bikes because of the feeling of fainting or falling over.

rhksmum

Take it easy. I was/am in a rush to process everything I can as quickly as I can and it doens;t work.

What you are doing is progress (although it doens;t seem to be) and it will get better.

willsurvivethis is often telling me to slow donw and just beee.

Don;t rush the memories, they will come (willsurvive will be proud of me for saying this!). And they may not even be there at all.

I was given a good piece of advice which really works well for me with regards to breathing and stopping panic. That is to breather out for a count longer than you breathe in. really works to calm me down.

Good luck and take care everyone.

ADQ don't turn out like me being ever so good in advising others

Make sure to take your own advice lol

I think with all the help and advice the 2 of you have to give you should bottle and sell, you will make a fortune

Hello. Hope it's ok if I join in. I was on the Stately Homes thread for adult childrn from abusive families for a while.

Willsurvivethis, have just had a look at your blog. I wasn't sexually abused, but I can still relate to so much of what you said. Do you find writing your blog theraputic?

I was verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused by my dad and neglected and abandoned by mother (lot literally/physically but in every other way).

Sorry if I don't reply to the last 10 posts or so, unable to take too much in right now.

ADQ - yes that is what the psychiatrist said - "at best we can help you manage the symptoms!" ... Husband wrote a 14pg reply which he refused to read (his junior dr wrote the 7page letter full of errors and appalling statements!), copying each paragraph and pointing out mistakes.

Sorry about "not safe" - meant not safe / can't trust the medical team now.

Am going to see gp tonight with husband - see what he has to say, then meeting next week about the report with junior dr and psychiatric consultant.

Willsurvivethis - hope study went well, am leading the youth bible group tonight and hope my head declutters after seeing dr!

Keziah

Hi backtolife - I too was not sexually abused, but emotionally by both parents - abandoned, conditionally loved, bullied etc. Abandoned when I needed them most. I haven't been on the stately thread, because there is too much to read, too much to take in.

Are you having therapy? How are you?

Backtolife/rwoisplenty

I think its important that everyone realises that ALL types of abuse have long lasting effects on our psychological wellbeing.

I have a friend who was verbally/emotionally abused by her mother and she is suffering almost exactly the same issues as me who was sexually abused and emotionally neglected.

Hope we can all help.

Keziah "at best we can help you manage the symptoms". I do not interpret that comment as you can't be helped/no point. I read it as, while you are struggling at the moment, the best we can do is help you manage the symptoms. Obvioulsy I don;t have the whole report to see teh context but on its own, that's how I read it.

Hope your visit to the gp helps.

Hi to new people here - any abuse is abuse, and wrong! Welcome here. Therapy can help, I am finding.

ADQ - my report said "she is manipulative, causes tension between team members (Crisis) and pushes boundaries to get herself rescued! She self harms as is attention seeking" .... it said I had cut arms with razor - well would love to see those scars as husband can't! And I have NEVER shown anyone any marks I do have, and never called to be rescued. My therapist was appalled by the 7 pages.

I just feel a bad person, it must be true. Gave gp report - see him in few weeks to see what he says, I want honesty from him. I thanked him for his effort and that he sees me as a whole person.

Spoke to psychologist this afternoon, ended up in a right state after IHTT phoned me. They told me that they were coming tomorrow at 10 to see me, when I said my cpn was coming then they said we know we are doing a joint visit, I asked them if they could do it seperate as I really needed to speak to my cpn on her own, he told me no it was arranged and that was that.
Pyschologist phoned them and told them that I was in a state, panicing that they were gonna send a male worker again, that my notes say that they aren't to send a male worker as it is really freakin me out. They said they would try and send a female worker and that they would only be staying 5 or so minutes as I am being passed back to the CMHT. So for the past 10 days I have seen them 4 times, probably totalling about an hour, I'm not any further forwards in how I feel and what I'm seeing but it doesn't matter anymore, these past 10 days have proved that it doesn't matter what I say or feel they dont seem to listen and take on bored whats going/gone on in my life

Hi - I don't know if you had IHTT/Crisis Team before, but from my experience they don't tend to be helpful and have only once helped me (unless you find one person that is good!)... Here the cpn's always work in pairs, one is always female.

Do you know your cpn - could you see her weekly to help? Or phone cpn's office and talk to duty worker when need to. Sounds like discharge from IHTT to your CMHT.

Sorry you didn't feel heard - hope cpn time tomorrow helps.

I had the crisis team before, they were ok depending on who you got on the phone, never had IHTT before last week and I've found them about as much use as a chocolate teapot.
I dont know what I expected them to do or what their service intaled, as far as I knew they were coming in to over see a medication change but as of yet thats not happened.
My cpn said last week she will meet with me weekly for a few weeks to get me by this blip, but I've not relly had a chance to talk to her as IHTT were in with her last week and the same tomorrow. Trying to get her on the phone is a nightmare, shes reduced her hours so always seems to be busy.
Asking for help is really hard for me and I usually only ask when things get soo bad.