Support thread for those abused (whatever the abuse)

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There seems an opportunity here to join together and provide support for each other wherever we are on our journey to recovering.

Post whatever you need, ideas, coping mechanisms, books you've found helpful, therapy techniques .....and anything else.

Well, I am low and can't fight any longer.
Had meeting with husband and consutlant and SHO -- they agreed my discharge letter contained many incorrect points, say it cannot be recalled but will issue an amended letter. However things that my husband and I consider to be incorrect have to remain as "truth" as they are in "my notes" - even if the person writing them is wrong, it is their word against mine.

So my diagnosis is bpd - although my consultant agrees it was a mistake to remove my previous two diagnosis (depression and CPTSD). I've received no treatment for CPTSD.

The crisis team comments of me being "attention seeking, manipulative" and much worse things I cannot even type stand - and he didn't even say he disagreed with them. That explains why I was discharged from 2 weeks in hospital with no support from Crisis Team.

I have no professionals to turn to. I am a flawed personality, who has to learn to live with it - the consultant lent me a book to read "Learn to live with BPD" or some similar title. I can't, I won't.

Am sorry, can't offer others any support - anyting I write here will be incorrect, unhelpful - so apologies but i will disappear.

Keziah, with no hope now.

Keziah I haven't managed to read your post yet - but come back you!!!

Oh hun, big hug (If you want one that is)

You are still Keziah - someone calling you BPD doesn't change that x

You may have to come to terms with always having it, it may learn having to find ways of coping with it, but there is still hope.

You are posting some of your hurt on this thread and that is what it is here for. Let us listen and offer support.

I would still like you on here

Could I ask for some advice here?

Someone close to me has just disclosed being abused as a child after 30 years of silense, and pretty much has had a total breakdown. I'm scared about what this person might do and don't know how to help.

What can I do?

That person must trust you very much. My memories came back after 25 years and it was so hard to start talking. The most important thing is to listen and to believe. Breaking down and all sorts of hefty emotions are a 'normal' part of it coming out.

Sometimes telling someone what happened (at least if I am with someone who I trust enough not to stuff my emotions away) can bring things back very strongly.

here is some basic but good information.

Don't take on or promise more than you can handle. S/he must be able to trust you and that is hard for them so only make promises that you can keep. 'I'm going to help you find whatever help you feel you need' is better than 'I will see you through all this and be here for you whenever you need me' if you are not sure you can see this through. I have a friend who has made this promise and has stuck to it but at times it has been so hard for him I've been worried about him as much as vice versa.

What do you mean when you say you are worried what they might do? Suicide? Harming their abuser? Feel free to post more here and depending on the situation get your friend to read this thread/post too.

For me personally I would have liked someone to just be there, to listen if I needed to talk, to not feel like I was being judged.

To treat me no different from the person I was before I told.
I dont know if I've been much help

I really dont know if I can keep going

I need to sleep, but I cant
I'm too scared to, they come into my dreams, they mix everything up, I'm all confused
In my dreams the people from now are being hurt by them, they're hurting my children, they're making me watch, I cant get to them, I cant protect them I need them to stop, I need them to go away, please some onemake them stop
I'm a total wreck, I'm messing up soo many lives by being here.

Cpn is due in at 9 and I dont want to see her, I dont want to see anyone, I want to hide, I want to forget but I cant

RHKS oh no those must be the most horrible dreams possible . All I can say is that the dreams represent your fears your memories and it sounds like it's all muddled up. But they can't hurt your kids and they can't hurt you anymore because you had the courage to get away.

Hope you have managed to let your cpn in - thinking of you xx

cpn came, no point really, said psychiatrist will send me out an appointment but doesn't think my meds can be changed. She said with some extra support I will get through this crisis so shes coming back in 12 days I dread to think what it would be like if I wasn't in crisis.

It doesn't matter anymore, I'm exhausted, I've not slept in over 2 days and even before that it was only an odd half hour.

She said they were worried about my eating pattern but that was all. If I need any support over weekend I've to phone the crisis team I dont think so. Kids are now off until next Thursday so its gonna be fun....not

hks that makes me so - why are you not seeing your cpn for so long (no good asking you is it). Glad your psychiatrist is sending you an appointment. Can we help you make sure you tell him/her what's wrong this time? I would love to prevent you coming away from the appointment once again with your brave face intact and the impression that you're coping. We can write a list/letter together?

Gosh I was exhausted I actually slept, really deeply, then woke up to a new horrible abuse memory that had all my stomach and lower muscles tense and made me feel really upset - I thought I was about done with new stuff...

But also had a lovely childfree lunch out with dh and we talked about so much it was so good to feel close and be together.

I thought I left a message earlier. I hope you get some sleep soon, rhk. The 4am slot is the time when our greatest fears party into the morning.

Your mental health care sounds crap. I wonder if we live in the same health authority. Access to a psychiatrist is limited to have lost the plot so completely that they are barely still human. Chemical cosh is bandied about, and there is bugger all psychological support. So, when I feel crap, I am advised simply to take more drugs. More and more and more.... till.... I don't feel so bad. Great place, where I live!

Thanks both of you

Willsurvive, glad you had a nice time with your Dh you so deserve it. Sorry to hear you had a new memory.

I'm not seeing my cpn for a wee while because schools are off start of next week and shes off and then shes training the end of the week, I guess all her clients are in the same boat as me.

I dont see the point in seeing the psychiatrist, shes made it clear that there is no point in doing anything with my meds, she has spoke to the IHTT pyschiatrist and she has said the same.

I want to give up so badly, I'm shaking so much tonight from lack of sleep, I feel like I'm talking so fast but the world is going too slow if that makes any sense.

I really dont know what I'm doing, I dont want this life any more, I dont want any of it, I admit defeat, they win, I give up

Does anyone wonder what they would be like if they hadn't been @bu$ed?
What kind of person they would be?
What kind of life they would have now?

Would it be the same as it is now?

Just having a what if night

I would not find it so difficult to know what is normal in a relationship and I would not be so afraid of rejection and loss of control.

But I would also not have my sixth sense for feeling when people around me are in trouble and often what is troubling them.

Oh gosh the list could be so long. Good subject for my blog when I come around to updating it.

How are you RHKS?

Keziah are you still there please come back

Hi willsurvive

How are you?

I'm really not doing well at all, I feel like I'm on borrowed time, that I shouldn't be here.
Lost the plot with the kids last night, think they know I'm not in a good place and are playing on it.
Took the wee ones to the cinema tonight to see 'Princess and the frog' and cried all the way through it, feel so stupid, had to leave through it and hide in the toilets, now my throats sore and I have a sore head, guess I'm heading for burnout.

rhksmum

been thinking about your previous question. What would life be like.

Yesterday was my birthday and although I had a nice relaxing time, I thought how much time I have been at the mercy of those b4stards who abused me and not living teh relaxed life I want to and not doing the things I want to do with my life.

Today I'm angry and thinking, fc8k them. I will not let them spoil the next 45 years.

I don;t go out with my kids because I fear the panic attacks. I don;t do exercise because I have panic attacks if I go out for a walk or to the gym or swimming.

They have a lot to answer for those b4stards. I will still have to process all the hurt but why should they be living where and how they want without a second thought and more importantly why am I letting them.

Tomorrow, I report them.

Sorry - bit of a rant......

willsurvivethis - am here, few words. Cried more than ever thought possible for someone who doesn't cry!

Hope everyone has a better day and night tonight.
x

Adq, please dont be sorry for having a rant, I'm sorry if my questions caused you to feel that way.

Keziah, I'm so sorry your struggling, I can relate to the tears, I didn't think it was possible to cry as much as I have done this past week.

rhksmum

You didn;t cause me to feel this way. I feel this way because of what was done to me, nothing relating to you or your question.

I'm angry at myself for letting the panic attacks and dissociation stop me doing things or am I using them as an excuse not to make changes in my life.

Keziah - crying is good. There is a lot to get out and it will take time. You have a lot to process at the moment.

Keziahhopes so glad you are still reading - just stay with us x

rhksmum hope you are having an ok day today - speak later.

a week after my friend put my head straight I'm still just about mananging to take it one day at a time. Occassionally my stomach lurches, I panic and then I think no no no it is only Sunday, Monday whatever today and I only have this and that to do and then it subsides again.

I'm sure it will get harder as the trip back 'home' is coming close now (my appointment with the police is in 1 week and 2 hours eeek)but at least I've a had one week less of being totally freaked out and I have had some sleep for the last few nights.

Hope you are all ok - whether you are a 'poster' or just a 'reader'

how do I continue doing this

I cant stop crying
I need to pull myself together but I cant
my daughter kicked off, I now have a hole in my living room door where she put her foot through it, her bedroom door facing is hanging off, I'm battered and bruised again
but you know what I deserve it, I deserve it all, I've been a crap mum, crap daughter, crap everything

I'm tired of it all, the tablets sitting in my kitchen feel like a good option right now,

rhksmum

You do not deserve it. I'm going to repeat it. Please read and say out loud 1 million times.........

I do not deserve it. I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it.I do not deserve it...........

You will be ok.

rhksmum you are not on facebook I don't like the comment about the pills knowing what state you are in please come and tell me you are ok

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have posted what I did, I'm still here, not ok but here

Don't expect you to be ok - but preferably not dead - sorry to be blunt x