Anyone else struggling with anxiety?

[mooseloose]

I've been off work nearly three months now and am just really fed up with myself now. i've refused any meds but I just cant get over it. I started my counselling last week, and am hopeful she can sort me out. it was caused by by son having an accident, and juggling work etc which just got too much and made me cry.
Id had a lot of panic attacks but they are getting better but now I just feel worried when i go out, and that i want to cry.
Today I just can't breathe. I don't know if i'm worse today because i'm due on too.
I just really feel i've lost my way and lost confidence in myself, and i dont know what to do to get myself back.
I'm all crabby and wound up with people too - no patience.
I think the doctor is fed up with me too and i'm also worried she won't keep giving me sick notes, i'm never usually ill.......

morning all
blissa ~ hope you hear from the clinic today and hope you are coping with the stress
yommy~glad you enjoyed the wedding.Outdoor swimming!!and am I right in thinking you're in Scotland~bravery indeed lol.

i knw the feeling im 35 weeks pregnant and constantly worried about everything, i g to see a cognitive behaviour therapist which helps me recognise when im pancing and what aniexty and panic is all about, but it dosnt stop it. my prolem is i obsess about my health, constantly think i have an illness or that im gonna die in labour is the new one now. its awful i just feel like crying all the time and hate to be away from my kids and fiance. im hoping after i have the baby i get back on track as my anxiety was ok b4 the pregnancy. but dnt worry about meds i was on them with my 2nd pregnancy they were harmless.

Hi all

Have just got off the phone to the nurse manager at the clinic. I rang her. She had my blood results but my consultation notes haven't been given to her. She is going to chase them up and then speak to the aneasthetist. She will hopefully phone back this afternoon.

jenn321- Congratulations! I hope the next 5 weeks go smoothly for you.

Hi all, hope you all o.k esp blissa, waiting for results..

didnt think i would get chance to post but couldnt resist having a quick look whilst ds and dd in internet cafe. dh is starting to calm down after the stressfull last few months of the busines being really quiet. Spain is lovely, i surprised myself and sat next to a load of girls on the plane who were having a girly holiday. I actually havent laughed that much in ages.

Its a bit too hot for the kids as they are really fair skinned. I was just sat a the pool trying to make a life plan )WELL i had read in the paper its good to have a plan) WHEN DD told me she had been on internet i use her email address and i have been accepted to do a degree course at a top universiy, i had already been accepted at one that wasnt much cop. but decided to apply to the top shelf and have a go. It has absolutely thrown me. how can i possbily start somet as big as that when i suffer periodically from boughts of depression . why do i apply for such things. is it that bit of me thats still alive and want to be a winner. x oops time out will post later

Admit it windswept, you're hooked on mn

Good to hear you're having a good time, the weather here is pretty rubbish, so you picked a good week to go!

Congratulations on your course. It will be hard work. But maybe having a goal and something like that to focus on will help you?

Enjoy the rest of your week x

hello ladies. Sorry I've not been on - I'm terrible! I have had the busiest couple of weeks ever, so not been online at all. Have had a dancing show for 4 nights, had to sort eldest Ds for a schhol trip (he is back now), and school things going on too. We are on hol from the weekend, so have been sorting things for that, and ds also goes away as soon as we get back too. And then DH is going away to work for weeks - so phew - thats what has kept me so busy!

I am ok, just a bit fraught and breathy. The goldfish have all died this week, so that is more trauma to deal with - mystery bug! Work is ok, bit panicky. have had my last counselling today and she said i am too busy (I cried!) and go more gently - but there is nothing I can drop at mo.

Hope you all ok, hello new ladies. i am going to read back over the last page of posts to catch up now - Iwhat results are you waiting for Bliss

oh Bliss hug hug hug - have just read back the last two pages. Feel awful i could not find time to come online when you needed to talk to us all x

Morning Girls,

How are you all?

I can't believe you were the one who had to call the clinic I really thought that these sort of things were delt with so quickly and I can't believe they have made you wait this long! Hope all else is well!

Welcome Jenn321 - hope you keep posting with us, there is a great bunch of girls on the thread! Although not sure how much time you will have after 4dc - very brave lady . I hope the anxiety calms down after the baby is born!

Windswept - Can't believe you posted from your hols! lol! Love it! Glad you are having a good time and you are all relaxing! And fantastic news about the university! What will you be going to study? I agree that it might give you something else to focus on on other than the anxiety/depression??? I hope you can go for it!

Moose - Sounds like you have been a very busy lady! Where are you going on hols? Has everything settled down for your ds in school now? Hope so! And if you don;t get a chance to post again before going away I hope you all have a wonderful time!

Hi to everyone else - hope you are all well!

The weather here is pants today so far! My dh is away all day for an induction to work, jjust have to hope something comes off for him! I am feeling pretty tired today as had a crappy sleep last night. DS2 got up just after 7 and ds1 is still in the land of ZZZZ's lol! I have my first session of CBT tomorrow

ANyway, better get off as ds2 is wanting my attention and breakfast!
Speak soonx x x x

Good to hear from you moose, thanks for the hug. You've certainly been a busy bee! You certainly deserve your holiday! How do you feel now your counselling has finished?

I finally heard back from the clinic today. The lady said that she couldn't find my consultation notes and so I gave her the reference number I had. She phoned back this afternoon and has booked me in for 10.30 on Tuesday. It's still not a definate that they'll do it, I have to take my discharge letter from the hospital and it's still down to the guy on the day. So in a way I'm a bit further forward. But it does leave me wondering, yommy, how long it would have been if I hadn't phoned?

Not sure if this all bodes well. I keep thinking something will go wrong and to top it off it's dd1s birthday the following sunday.

hi all can i join!?

i am currently off work with depression and anxiety i have not worked since october and due a meeting with hr manager soon which is kicking my anxiety up a notch

i am under the care of a community nurse whos lovely and my consultant

just started back on meds again sertraline which seems to have settled me again

but my life is just a mess at the moment

i started my anxiety therapy today and have been advised to start relate with my husband to try and get my head straight with stuff (dh by the way has been fab and very supportive)

i have to dd's a 3yr old and a 21mnt old and i am 17 and bit weeks pg

so theres the cut down version on me just hope that you dont mind me tagging along?

Hi ladies,
sorry to pop in when I am on a downer.
just need to vent if that is ok?

I have spoken about the unspeakable to my EMDR lady this week, and I am so scared, all my fears and axiety are totally at the forefront of my head, I think that I have been afraid of talking for so long that I had built up all the repercussions of me doing it and now I have I am spending every day waiting for the axe to fall, for the hurting to start, for me to be let down again.
I am feeling sick and can feel the blood pumping round my veins,
we are going on holiday on Sunday and I am not having my sessions for 2 weeks, in my head that gives her plenty of time to work out all the reasons to let me down.

I have been trying to calm, distract, soothe my soul but in the end I have sent a rambling message by email to her and now I am feeling even worse because now I look so needy
I just seem to go from one fuck up to the next, this seems to reinforce the point that I should not be sharing things I should be keeping them locked in a box under the bed.

Hi Greyskull, sorry you are feeling so low .

Well done for talking about it all, that is a big step. Is it the first time you have told somebody everything? Talking about things can bring all the feelings and emotions flooding back. I still get very anxious if I talk about what happened to me.

Why do you think she will now let you down? Is it that you have convinced yourself that if you tell someone they will think badly of you and not want to help? If so that is not the case.

How are you feeling this morning, I'm around if you want to chat xx

Hi madmissy, of course you can join us . It's good that you are getting the help that you need, and that your dh has been supportive. Hope you find chatting with us helps too xx

Thanks Blissa
she is now onl the third person who knows exactly what happened, so that is me, him and now her.
I went to ask for help quite soon afterwards and was told that everything happens for a reason, and that I shouldn't go to the police, and then I was taunted about the clothes I chose t wear by the person I had asked for help from.

I guess it is just ingrained in me that asking for help or talking about stuff just makes it worse rather than better.
I know that she hears really awful stuff all the time, and in my head she is sitting there thinking OMG is she really this upset when that is all that happened.

Sorry had to referee between ds and his little friend.

God that's awful. I am so sorry you were treated like that when you asked for help before. I know it's hard, but not everyone thinks like that.

You have obviously built up enough trust with this lady to feel able to talk to her, she will not be thinking that what happened to you is at all trivial.

Morning Girls,

Hello Greyskull - Sorry to hear you are feeling so down at the moment But well done on talking to an outsider. Along with Blissa I am wondering why you think she will be wanting to let you down? Is it not her job to help you no matter what? I sure rather than thinking of ways to let you down, the break will give her (and you) some time out to think about the way forward??? And so what if you sound needy? We are ALL needy at hard times in our lives and that is nothing to be ashamed of! You sound like you really want/need her help, guidance so best she knows how you really feel! If that makes sence! Just try to think about all the nice things you are going to do on your holdiday? Where you going??? Might do you the world of good just to get a change of scenery?

On you second post - in hindsight do you think the thing that happened would have been reportable to the police? Was it an older person who advised you not to go to them??? He/she doesn't sound like a very nice person!

I am around to if you want to chat some more! x x x x

Morning Blissa, how are you today?

Welcome Madmissy! Hope you keep posting with us! How come you feel like your life is a mess? Is it mostly the anxiety and depression making you feel like that? You wont feel this bad forever!

On a lighter note I had my 1st cbt yesterday! My therapies is very funny and she really puts me at ease! The things she says just seem to click in my head and I know she is so right! We done relaxation and breathing excersise yesterday, next week we are going to look at changing the direction of my thinking! So far so good! I feel that I am starting to get back on track. I used to be a v spontanious person, but the anxiety took at away from me but I think I am getting a little of my oldself back. I want to go to blackpool with the kids today! lol! Don't get me wrong can hardly face going to tesco today, but blackpool no problem, lol! The mind boggels!

Anyway, enough about me. Hope everyone else is well!

x x x

Sounds like you are having fun today Blissa? lol!

Hi yommy

Yes ds is being a pain in the bum! And together the 2 of them are being little monkeys! He is going to pre-school, can't wait

Glad the cbt went well and that you get on with your therapist, I think that is pretty important to it being successful tbh. So are you going to Blackpool? For some reason I had it in my head that you are in Scotland? Perhaps got that wrong as Blackpool's not a day trip from there is it?!

Hi Blissa,

I am in Scotland, lol! I think from memory its about a 3hr or so drive! Could do it in a day if we wanted to be shattered. Would be better with an overnight stay! We are not going though, was just a thought! I wouldn't dare share it with my 3 yr old as he would be going on about it all day! lol! We are going to centre parcs in a few weeks and he goes on about it quite a lot as it is, lol!

When does ur ds start pre school? We are on school holds just now, think its another 4 weeks then ds1 will being going back to nursery! Woo Hoo! lol!

Just cleaned my bathroom and going to do the living room and kitchen just now, better get it done while I am in the mood! lol! Will chat inbetween times!

I'm taking him in a minute. I don't get anytime to myself this afternoon though- still have my friends lo, I'll drop hime back when I go to pick up dd2 at 1.45, she is finishing early. Then ds finishes at 2.40 and dd1 at 3.15, so my afternoon is full of pick ups.

Oh well, a whole 6 weeks stretches ahead with no school runs or having to make lunch boxes!

My house is a tip, the boys have all the toys out and I'm sat giggling at Fern Brittons last day on This Morning!

SO how was ur afternoon of school runs blissa?

What time do you/did you have friends lo until?

Well never made it to blackpool today, went on a wee trip to macro instead! lol! Just not the same fun

Do you have anything nice planned for the weekend? Did you hear anymore from the clinic?

Going to make a curry for tea I think, really fancy that tonight! Could go a chinese, but I think I am eating far too many this summer!

Hope you all have a wonderful evening! Will check in again later when all the tea is out the way and ds2 is in bed!

x x x

thanks for being kind ladies,
YM - I was raped by a train guard when I was 11, I asked the Christian Union leader for help because the person I had spoken to on childline had told me I needed an adult to go with me to the police.
I have big trust issues, have had to stand on my own two feet since my earliest memories so it isn't great needing to trust in order to get my head fixed.

Great to hear that your CBT session went well,
Blissa - thanks for your support as well, I know all the ladies on here have their own stuff to deal with, I am so grateful that you allow me to run in and dump my issues in the mix.

That's what the thread is here for Greyskull . How are you feeling now?

Ended up taking the dcs to a softplay and Macdonalds after all my school runs yommy, have just got home. It the heavens opened when I went to pick up dd2 and I hadn't taken a coat, just had one of the girls umbrellas! Got absolutely soaked and had to borrow some of my friends clothes.

No real plans for the weekend, except just getting through it! Trying not to think about Tuesday. My best friend is looking after the dcs for me, saves having to make up another tale for mil.

Hello again girls,

Greysskull - I am so sorry that happened to you! And worse still that you had no one to support you through what must have been and awful time in your life! I can;t believe a christain union leader would think it would be okay for a man to rape a young girl and to still be allowed his freedom! It makes my blood boil thinking about you and what you must have went through! Wish I could give you a big hug! I hope you start to feel better soon! Glad you came on to post and I hope its has help you a little just having people to talk to!

I am off to bed now, hope you are all having a nice evening! This is my week on and I am feeling exhausted! DH is thinking about taking ds1 to the football tomorrow. He is only 3 but keeps asking to go? I am going to be on hand to pick him up at half time if he gets bored (which I am thinking he might!).We'll see!

Anyway, speak to you all tomorrow!
Goodnight x x x

I am trying to keep hold of myself, have had a lovely response from the lady I see, yet it hasn't helped.
I am trying to get myself into holiday mode, thinking of all the lovely things we are going to do, and I know that physically we are going to do those things, it doesn't seem to stop the sense of doom that is hanging over me.

I'm glad that she has responded to you Greyskull, even though you feel it hasn't helped. I really hope this lady can help you, you do not deserve to feel this way, what happened to you was not your fault and the Christian workers attitude was absolutely disgusting. You said that that is 3 people who know now, have you not told your dh what happened to you?

Where are you going on holiday? I really hope you manage to relax and have great time. Maybe a change of scenery and routine will help to lift your spirits xx