Anyone else struggling with anxiety?

[mooseloose]

I've been off work nearly three months now and am just really fed up with myself now. i've refused any meds but I just cant get over it. I started my counselling last week, and am hopeful she can sort me out. it was caused by by son having an accident, and juggling work etc which just got too much and made me cry.
Id had a lot of panic attacks but they are getting better but now I just feel worried when i go out, and that i want to cry.
Today I just can't breathe. I don't know if i'm worse today because i'm due on too.
I just really feel i've lost my way and lost confidence in myself, and i dont know what to do to get myself back.
I'm all crabby and wound up with people too - no patience.
I think the doctor is fed up with me too and i'm also worried she won't keep giving me sick notes, i'm never usually ill.......

Hi everyone, I have a been lurker om mn for a while now but something happened to me just before christmas and I feel I could maybe get some support from people on here in similar situations, if you don't mind me adding my experience.

The week before christmas I was admitted to hospital with a crushing sensation in my chest and feeling very anxious. It turned out I had 2 clots on my lungs and I am now on Warfarin for 6 months. It has scared the hell out of me, I am 27, don't smoke and thought I was pretty healthy. The only risk factor I had was the Pill.

I can't help thinking what if and now, nearly 4 weeks on I still get very anxious and suffer panic attacks, where I get a tight feeling back in my chest and then start to think its the PE and wind myself up more. I just had one taking ds to pre-school.

My family and friends have been very supportive, but my partner is not and keeps saying I should just get over it, but its not that easy. I am seeing the dr tomorrow and want to talk to him about how I am feeling, as I don't want this to take over my life.

Sorry for waffling on so long and thank you if you have read all that

Hi blissa,how awful for you to suffer such a frightening incident and i'm not surprised you keep thinking it could be happening again.This is the problem with sudden traumatic life events,they are such a shock to our belief that we are safe and ok,we are traumatised esp in first few weeks after the event.So we can go over and over it,to try to make sense of it,we can dream about it or have constant thoughts and pictures in our minds of it,andfeel so anxious about it,want to avoid thinking about it or anything to do with it.For some people this eases off after a few weeks,but depending on the circumstances can continue for longer.
So you have two issues,your medical condition itself,and its treatment,blood monitoring etc,andsecondly the trauma you suffered pschologically causing anxiety and panic.
Unfortuneately,the reminders of your illness are unavoidable becos of your treatment,so it is extra difficult.
Try to get a guided self help book from your gpon trauma for you to read at home,also consider therapy such as cbt or eye movementor tapping therapies which are effective in trauma.
On a more basic note,remember you are on the warfarin now so are on right treatment.I would say think to yourself,whatever happens i can cope with it,so if you get chest pain,severely out of breath or coughing up blood,call999,if on the other hand you feel anxious and have nervous type breathing,think is probably anxiety.The doctors will not mind if you get your symptoms checkd out ,in fact its a good idea unless it feels very much like simple anxiety.
Noone is going to think you are over reacting,the docs will want to see you straight away if you get symptoms,make sure you know who to phone in what circumstance.
Sorry so long,hope this makes you feel justified in what you are going thru and fwiw your dp should be helping you and staying withyou~if not,spell it out for him and get someone else to stay with you.
Also,be kind to yourself,eat and sleep well,talk it over with friend,family,keep posting on herexx

mooseloose - look at all the people on here! you are certainly not alone.

At the start of your thread you said you are refusing meds - do you mind me asking why. I have found anti-d's (and at times Diazepam) absolutely essential for getting myself back on 'an even keel' so I can at least function normally, and start to work towards recovery. Without them I am a jelly, and totally lack the motivation to get better, so its a vicious cycle. Meds break the cycle.

Thank you Morningsun, your post is very understanding and helpful. The feelings you describe are spot on, I get very nervous talking about what happened and reading about the condition. I think part of the problem is that I am very tired as most nights I am too scared to go to sleep and so lye awake until I cannot fight it anymore.

For some reason having a PE is something I have always worried about and so to have it happen is like a nightmare come true. I did realise the other day that I have faced one of my biggest fears and survived it, and that helped me to feel more positive, but today has been a bad day.

I have also realised that I can bring on some of the symptoms by thinking about them too much and so am trying not to focus on any niggles- easier said than done!

I suffer too, you're not alone...4 months into current episode, and want to escape from my own mind, but it follows me unfortunately. Was nearly admitted to hospital just after Christmas.

I'm sure your doc isn't fed up with you, but I recognise the feeling. Sometimes tablets can help to give you the strength to cope with just living, and then when you start to feel better you can wean off them.

My best thing is to keep busy, which is why I have continued to work through this despite feeling like absolute shite most of the time. However I have told them at work and they have been very supportive, perhaps this could help you?

Like the bit about highly intelligent people..

I think it sounds like you have PTSD

Ooooh, also recognise that me and it thing, you can stand outside yourself, and be totally rational, and still can't stop it..tis crap

(((((()))))))

Another sufferer here, although thankfully I dont suffer every day
I got into a total state at the weekend. I went swimming with ds, afterwards I couldnt figure out which was our locker as I cant see properly without my glasses on....... the simplest things

A couple of weeks ago I had a panic attack in tescos........
A man kept shouting etc at his partner - freaked me out, hyperventilating in Tescos, not fun

Hello. I've been for my counselling today and come home with lots of things to think about.

She was pleased with me making ten minutes 'me time' every time, and labelling it as 'me time' as I did it - a coffee with a friend, a bath mid morning etc. She says one good 'me time' and the nice feeling from it will eventually keep me ticking over more calmly for a couple of hours, like starting the day again. - sounds good advice.

I haven't been able to breathe calmly for a couple of days so i now have a cd to listen to (haven't yet). part is about panic control, the other is relaxation. I have to get my breathing even and relaxed and remember how it should be to try to keep it there longer. - good advice.

She also wants the doc to check me over medically - I haven't been.

I told her that when i am out, walking to school, in town etc, I sometimes suddenly feel odd and alone, and feel like i have to cry ( I dont need/want to really) and she said (surprisingly) that sounds like a sign of mild depression - aggitation in myself... I said i thoughr depression was when you don't want to get up in the mornin - she said not true.

She is so nice and I feel i can tell her everything how I feel, about how i hate being shaky, not sleeping, worrying about silly things, my breathing issues, panic attacks. Worrying i can't cope with work, and how i dread walking down my big open plan office. I don't like to answer the phone (she said don't - problem solved). So because she is nice she makes me cry, and this she says is a sign of depression, even though i am ok at home!

I've told her entirely how i worry and feel, and i haven't told anyone else, because i just think noone wants to hear a load of moans and problems, like i am a problem. But when i think of every problem, I do think I'm going a bit do-lally!

She says if you were off work with a broken leg, everyone would know why you were ill - anxiety is invisible but just as serious if not more so, because it needs to be fixed now. (that made me cry too).

So now I go back in two weeks. I have agreed to talk to her about meds then if i am no better with things - she is concerned about depression (i'm sure I'm not!). she has told me she doesn't want me at work for a month at least.

Sorry its such a long post xx

Depression and anxiety are the opposite sides of the same coin. They usually co-exist.

The odd and alone feeling may be depersonalisation/derealisation here. I always say I feel like a ghost when I have it, sort of detatched and floaty. Normal but not nice symptom of anxiety.

Weepiness is often a sign of depression as is feeling alone. Also anxiety often comes first, then depression, as starting to believe the anxious thoughts can trigger depression.

HTH

jollypirate,that looks agood website
i related to what you said about even as you got better you still woke early and felt anxious,i'm like that now,i am a lot better but if i doze off in the evening or wake in the morning i still feel the fear like i did before,and i tend to shake it off as i get up and move around,altho some days it comes back for an unwelcome visit.
Do you mind if i ask if the cause of your distress was trauma,or depression,only asking cos sounds a lot like mine,which was mainly trauma.

morning Mooseloose - how are you doing this morning?

I am off for one of my sessions today - am feeling extra anxious because I feel I have to tell her that something she said last week really upset me - and I am worried that if I tell her that she won't want me to continue to see her, and I have waited so long to get appointments with her that it may be better to not tell her.. I keep going round in circles.!

ANyway this wasn't supposed to be a wibble about me - I was genuinely just checking on you..
sounds like you got somewhere yesterday
Babysteps!!

Hey, mooseloose - really pleased to read in your post that you found your counsellor sympathetic. Being able to talk is important, and it sounds as if you are doing as much as you can to help yourself.

I posted earlier about meds but just read you are still deciding against - of course you must do what you feel is best for you.

Are you able to take a month off work as she suggests? Sounds like you need it.

Morning all, I did feel better after yesterday. having a day at home today- my house is like a tip! I will need to go docs on Mon for another note - but i will put that fight out of my head for now- need to build myself up. I think i would feel better if she will do a note for a month and then i can switch the 'work worry' off in my head and try to get well. I think doc will only do me 2 weeks, which meand i have to keep thinking about going back to her.

ds is back at hosp next week - it's D-day, as it's likely he will be admitted for another op, as he has too much bone growing in his arm now and they think they will need to take some away. So that is next Thurs, so i think i will pick up after that anyway.

Thanks Fizz - i read your link- that's me!

Grey skull I hope you will be okay today..I was in a tizz yesterday about seeing counsellor - I kept going to the loo (i'm sure i will need surgery for a lapse pelvic floor soon!)

It's really nice to come on here and chat. shall we keep the thread going?

Hi all, glad to hear you are feeling better today mooseloose. I am trying to feel more positive today, had a long chat with dp last night and managed to tell him most of what is going through my head. I know he finds it hard to understand but I just need hime to listen, reasure me and give me a cuddle!

I am looking forward to seeing the dr later and hopefully begin to get some help with how I am feeling. I'm also having trouble with my hip and getting lots of funny feelings in my leg which I am pretty sure is muscular, but I keep worrying that it is something more sinister, so hopefully he will put my mind at rest.

It would be great to keep the thread going, it's good to know I'm not alone

I must admit i haven't been telling dh everything i feel and worry about as there is so much, and I don't want to feel like I'm making a meal of it, and looking for sympathy i guess, and look like i'm cracking up! I also think its hard for someone who hasn't had personal experience of it to appreciate how extreme you can feel at times. I't's like the counsellor says about it not being visible - i look ok on the outside.

I wrote all the things down for my counsellor, so i wouldn't miss telling her anything really. I catogorised it to things like physical symptoms (shaky etc), what i worry about (answer the phone, going out, people asking how i am), work issues (cant walk through open plan office, going back too quick and being bad again). and my questions like - how can i cushion myself in future.

It was a whole a4 sheet, but I did feel better for putting it all down. and hopefully in the future it can be as though i will put it in a box and put it away to bed?

hi everyone
mooseloose glad you bit better today and i'm glad your counsellor was nice,makes a difference doesn't it
blissa good luck with docs hope you get some help from there

Talking to dp really helped. I know he doesn't understand, he's very much a get over it and move on sort, but I told him as long as I feel I can talk to him about anything, it helps. He can think its bollocks and totally irrational, I'm aware I'm not being very rational at the moment, but just getting it all off my chest felt good. I also asked him to come with me to my blood test and clinic on friday, he hasn't been to any with me.

Writing your feelings down sounds like a good idea and in the future you will be able to look at it and tick off the things that used to worry you. I'm not sure what I'd write tbh, I just feel like I have this big dark cloud of fear hanging over me

blissa i'm glad you have got understanding from your dp~ was he there when you were taken ill,it must have been stressful for him maybe he feels he wants you to get back to "normal" and he might have his own psychological adjustments for a few weeks[just a thought]

Moose, I am in exactly the same situation, I had to hand in my notice of a new job last Sept as I just couldn't cope and had a breakdown. I am better than I was, but my anxiety is still causing me problems.

I am not on meds as I had horrible side effects when I tried Fluoextine, it made me feel terribly sick. Considering my main anxiety symptom is constant nausea I am very reluctant to try anything else. I am trying to keep myself relaxed and not rush things, but it is very difficult when I have no money and need a job.

I am also waiting for counseling, so I am hoping that this will further assist me. You sound like you're doing the right thing not pushing yourself too fast, if you feel your dr is not as helpful as they could be, go and see someone else. No More Panic is a very helpful site and contains lots of vital information for panic and anxiety sufferers, it's comforting to know exactly what is happening to your body and how you can help yourself.

Hey, moose - good to see you here this morning. Writing things down is often really helpful. In 6 months time you will read it and think 'what was with me'? Honestly.

Greyskull - i just read back a bit and found what you said about the counsellor upsetting you. Be brave and explain it to her - it could give her an insight into what makes you 'tick', which is important if she's going to help you recover.

blissa - sympathise with the leg thing. I am not a doctor but I bet you there is nothing sinister wrong with you. Feeling as if i have a terrible illness is one of the worst of my anxiety symptoms (over the last year I have self-diagnosed everything from MS to cancer, stomach ulcers to menieres disease) and there is NOTHING wrong with me. Stress and anxiety do weird things. Take heart and glad you have DP to cuddle you.

Mooseloose - been thinking about you not telling your DH everything - I too was hesitant.. I couldn't bring myself to tell him it all yet I wasnt' purposefully being deceitful. At the end of my emergency Psych assessment they wrote to my GP and sent me a copy. I gave that to DH to read - that way (for me) it felt like it wasn't MY words it was a professional assessment of where my mind was up to.
It has helped immensely we don't go into detail about everything but he at least knows what I am dealing with. Do you think you could give your DH the letter you gave to the GP?
Sorry that turned into a bit of an essay

Greeneyed girl - The first psych I saw suggetsed fluoxetine to me - he mentioned that side effects could be weight gain and anxiety - for the first time in months I laughed out loud - He wanted to give someone who was Fat and Anxious - something that would make her Fatter and More Anxious! We agreed that we would think again Have settled on Citalopram.

LSITD Thanks for your words - it took me 40 minutes to get from the carpark to her office (about 20 meters) I managed to tell her why and she managed to explain to me that I had misunderstood her intention - and she apologised for hurt that the misunderstanding caused. - However - she didn't tell me - she wrote it down and gave it to me.. it was wierd -she had said it over and over but it didn't register - but then reading it - my brain clicked that she wasn't trying to trick me.
Anyway - am waffling. hope your day gets better Mooseloose.

Greyskull - that sounds like an ordeal, but is a hurdle over. And it proves you can say what is in your heart and be heard. And you are entitled to ask for an explanation and/or apology, and get it. Sounds like you do not value yourself very highly, but surely the counsellor will help you. Well done.

Mooseloose, I also suffer from anxiety. It sucks.

Quite apart from this, I recently interviewed a leading psychotherapist for work and she was talking about how to deal with anxious children. Her main comment was that they need to talk about their worries every single day. Children should be given 20 mintues of 1-1 time a day to talk about what is worrying them. The vital part is that the parent should not try to solve the child's problems or explain them away, just listen. She compared it to a pressure cooker building up and up and then finally being allowed to let off steam.

Anyway, I noticed you said you find it hard to talk to DP about your anxiety, but maybe you should give it a try? Tell him he is not allowed to solve your problems or belittle them (My DP always does one of the two, trying to be helpful), but just let you speak and get them off your chest.

It might help. I hope so.

Hi, back again! I was going to have an early night- had hot choc and galaxy for comfort first!

I've had an ok quite nice nothing day that went a bit pear shaped as it went on.

I chatted to friend while i popped to the shop (she didn't know i was not well) and was ok, but was like jelly as i walked away, but was pleased with myself really.

Boys were messing about as they were supposed to be getting pj's on, and i was shouting and then felt bad, and then i was teary.

Sounds like you all had a busy day with things going on. xx