Support. Please anybody?

[LowestLow]

Hello. I know that I'm asking for a lot from strangers, but could I please have some support on here, if anybody is able to spare any?

I will be there for anybody if you are also having a hard time.

I have love to spare if anybody else is struggling. I wanted to post this on MH but need it to disappear.

I'm not sleeping & I'm so stressed. I am having online counseling once a week (& they say that my anxiety & depression is off the scale) it's not really helping like I thought that it would, although I'm still grateful that I'm able to have it. It's making me talk about things & I don't want to talk about things.

I'm sorry but I really need to be vague. Next Monday, the 7th, I may be losing contact with my children.

I can't bare this pain. I'm trying so hard to hang on.

Please, is anybody able to be around & post every now & then until the 7th, just so that I don't feel so alone?

We can talk about anything, distraction, if anybody wants to talk about anything?

I have been on here for 10 years but this is a new name.

Just wanted to say too, when you feel that anxiety building (horrible, I know), try these two things: 1) move about, do a couple of exercises- it could be something as simple as stretching or walking and 2) do something like a puzzle, tetras is good or a crossword. Anything to break the anxiety from running away with you.

IsItAllMenopause Oh I'm glad that you were able to speak to your son, that must have been lovely!

Yes it's been slightly cooler here, much more bearable & better at nighttime.

Eldermileniummam Lovely day off for you! Yes, I just have to do things if I feel up to it, & also not give myself a hard time if I don't feel up to doing anything... I found this difficult previously when counseling wanted me to schedule one 'relaxing' activity a day. I know that it's for my own good, but I found it hard.

Utterlyconfusednow I hope that you get some rain soon! We had one over night where it was pouring & a few showers the next day, but it has cooled things down just enough. I got to do the school run earlier so that was lovely. Walks are a bit hit & miss tbh. We have a huge park nearby that I love to walk through but seeing the children (right now) just makes me feel sad.

I do make sure that I get out for at least a little walk, on the days when I don't do the school run any more.

Unfortunately this afternoon didn't go as planned, a few things went wrong with my kids which sent my anxiety instantly sky high, but it ended up being ok.

I'm feeling very low about what happened though. It's the build up, isn't it. I was so looking forward to this weekend & wanted it to be perfect, possibly my last one with them.

I hope you can move on from your upset this afternoon @LowestLowand have some lovely time this weekend. Was it nerves?

I’ve just finished watering my garden,there’s a blackbird sing his heart out in the apple tree as dusk is falling.

No, BOD It was things beyond my control really, other people upsetting my children. I just hadn't expected that it would happen today so it threw me a bit.

That's funny, I'm sat on my bed also listening to the birds singing outside, it's nice

Good morning OP

I'm sorry yesterday didn't go as planned and hope you're able to feel good about parts of your time with the children

Do you have any plans for today?

Thank you Eldermileniummam Yes we are going to a village fete later on. The day is going well so far (& my anxiety is much better today. Last night was very tough, lots of tears which I think I've been holding on for the last few days)

What are you doing this weekend?

I did some cleaning this morning and then we went to see a film and dinner

I'm now listening to a podcast in bed as I really should get an early night and not stay up until 11/12 watching TV as I'm always tired!

Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for lunch

What are you up to? Do you have any plans tomorrow?

Eldermileniummam That sounds like a lovely, relaxing day (apart from the cleaning!) what film did you see?

I'm hoping that you made it to bed early, & that you feel better for it tomorrow.

We went to the village fete & it was good, no plans for tomorrow but I still have my children with me.

I'm in bed watching an old Quiz of the year on my phone. I was writing notes but it isn't helping tonight. My head feels 'full'.

Just checking in OP and really hoping you’re getting a good nights sleep.

I hope you have a lovely relaxing day with your children tomorrow (well, later today now!)

Thank you MrsRandallFraser I've had a terrible night. I'm so worried about tomorrow but yes, today should be good.

After a fairly easy start, today ended up being very difficult. I'm trying desperately to be heard before it's too late.

you're being so courageous, and you can look back and think you did try to be heard.

its going to be hot next week, so do please take care of yourself and make sure you keep those fluid levels up especially as tomorrow is a day you need to survive through and come out the other side.

where there's life there's hope.

Thank you daisychain01 That's a kind post.

I can't really think 'past' tomorrow which is weird, but it's like nothing exists yet, until after tomorrow.

I'm assuming that we will get a lunch break but I will be alone so I'll just go & find somewhere quiet & shaded to sit.

Morning OP
I'm going on holiday today so just wanted to wish you all the best for tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you and your children.
One thing I always say to myself is 'the darkest hour is just before the dawn'. When things seem desperate and scary things can change for the better.
You will look back on all this one day and think how strong you have been.

I went to see How to Train Your Dragon

OP I know you don't want to talk about what's going on but I can't put out of my mind that you think things have been said that are not true and you haven't had good legal advice. If tomorrow is a court hearing and if you think time would help your position such as time to get legal advice then ask for it. Say you haven't had good legal advice and you need it. I don't know the full circumstances and I'm sorry if I'm talking out of turn. I'm just trying to help. Ignore me if it's not helpful as I also know you've said you think there's nothing you can do now.

I hope you have a nice day with your children today.

You seem like a lovely woman, so strong, I can't imagine you're not a lovely mother.

Hi @LowestLow
You sound very strong and you are coping. I hope this thread is helping a little. At times of difficulty I often find if helps to remind myself we can only keep moving forward and to try and accept the situation as hard as it is.

Be strong for your kids and yourself.

Thank you IsItAllMenopause. I hope that you have a lovely time away!

Thank you Eldermileniummam, that's kind of you, I appreciate it. Yes... I had bad/wrong advice for far too long about support that I could/should be able to have & whilst I was trying to work this out, then there is nobody to help when it actually turns out that this was never going to happen, & too much time has passed, & then it's a vicious circle with people saying 'Why have you waited so long?'

Honestly, the past few months have been a huge catalogue of errors, not of my own making, & then there's tiny little me wadding through all of the crap just trying to be seen & for somebody to hear... 'Forget everything else that's just happened, go back to the beginning, & what's being said about me isn't true'.

(I do have a small charity helping me now, I'm not going to delay things, we've done the best that we can but we are very small voices against very large voices. They've worked hard for me but they say 'It's an uphill battle without much hope')

And no, I'm not saying that I'm completely blameless, but it's like night & day, it's like 1 day I stole a nectarine from a newsagent. I admit that. Somehow though there is now 1000 people shouting that I stole a whole Orangery & also punched a security guard & they have all of this made up evidence but they all go along with each other... 'Oh yes, I saw her eat an Orange the other day & she looked a bit shifty, so it all must be true' & 'Yes, she had a sore hand the other day, likely from punching somebody'.

That probably makes no sense but I know what I mean (It's nothing to do with stealing anything, btw, that just popped into my head!)

But it's about my children

Snowball effect. Maybe one day, when I'm out of the other side, then I will write a book about it all.

So my thoughts are running wild with me but I'm keeping busy & I'm doing ok.

B0D Thank you. Yes, one of the things that makes this so hard is the hope that I may still be able to change things. I need to learn acceptance. And I can start trying to do that after tomorrow.

I’ve just read through your thread and I’m so glad you have such lovely support here @LowestLow. I will be rooting for you tomorrow. You sound lovely, and although you can’t give me information, I am encouraged that you’re having opportunities to see your children, and working on yourself, admin, counselling, self-care, they all sound like very positive activities. Good luck tomorrow ❤️

Thank you TripleSeptic I've just realised (I somehow had missed this) that I've seen one or both of my children every day this week. And 5/7 days last week. So that's huge, considering the situation that I'm in.

I really thought that, coming up to Monday, I would barely see them at all.

That is fantastic ❤️

I will be thinking of you tomorrow OP and I have everything crossed x

Yes I think I understand OP and I'm so sorry this is so difficult.

I'm thinking of you x

Thank you so much everybody for all of your support.xxx

I will be thinking of you too OP. I hope you have support in real life especially if tomorrow goes the way you think it will. I’ll keep everything crossed for a better outcome for you.

Thank you MrsRandallFraser. I have very little support. I don't want to tell people about this situation/the people that I have told just don't understand.

I'm on my way.
I'm so scared.
I had my youngest with me last night which was lovely getting ready together this morning.

I just want to thank everybody again for the support.
It might not seem like much but it has really helped. I've read through the thread a lot.

I'm so scared
All I want is for my children to be happy & I don't even understand how this has happened