Support. Please anybody?

[LowestLow]

Hello. I know that I'm asking for a lot from strangers, but could I please have some support on here, if anybody is able to spare any?

I will be there for anybody if you are also having a hard time.

I have love to spare if anybody else is struggling. I wanted to post this on MH but need it to disappear.

I'm not sleeping & I'm so stressed. I am having online counseling once a week (& they say that my anxiety & depression is off the scale) it's not really helping like I thought that it would, although I'm still grateful that I'm able to have it. It's making me talk about things & I don't want to talk about things.

I'm sorry but I really need to be vague. Next Monday, the 7th, I may be losing contact with my children.

I can't bare this pain. I'm trying so hard to hang on.

Please, is anybody able to be around & post every now & then until the 7th, just so that I don't feel so alone?

We can talk about anything, distraction, if anybody wants to talk about anything?

I have been on here for 10 years but this is a new name.

IsItAllMenopause Are you home from your cottage? Sounds like the crochet is perfect for you!

Yes we got home on Monday.
Just been at hospital appointment. I have to have a biopsy before I can have operation (it's not for knee for something else).
So I'm pretty fed up and stressed!

Yes the crocheting is great!!

How are you?

Oh no, IsItAllMenopause Lots of medical stuff going on for you! I hope you are ok tonight.

I am ok.

Hi LowestLow sorry I went AWOL!

I had a lot going on with parents/kids/you name it!

Anyway really hope you are okay.

Hope you are having a nice weekend x * *

sorry random asterisks again!

Hi IsItAllMenopause Thanks for still checking in on me

I hope that things are running relatively smoothly for you all!

Will you be having a busy Christmas?

I will see my children but only briefly in the morning.

Struggling with my emotions & I keep crying about everything. I wonder if there is a cut off point where you can't physically cry any more?
Because I feel like I get to that point where I'm all snotty, headachy, sore eyes etc & I sort myself out, clean myself up, & then I have another thought or a memory or I 'see' something that reminds me, & the tears flow all over again.

Hi LowestLow, how are you??
SorryI haven't been around.
Hope you are ok.
Sending you love and best Christmas wishes ❤️

IsItAllMenopause Merry Christmas to you, to anybody who's spoken to me on here, & anybody else who may read this too

I’m here too happy to message daily if needed - feel free to pm me also .
don’t have depressed but my god I know all about anxiety :-(

Hi buggermewhatnext Thank you for the post, it's kind of you.

How has your Christmas been?

The thread was started relating to a specific event which has pressed now, & it was far more horrendous than I ever imagined it to be (& I was imagining some pretty terrible stuff!)

Things have gone from bad to worse for me since then & I don't see a way that anything will ever be better, so I'm in a pretty bleak headspace.

I've been listening to Madonna 'You'll see' a lot. I love the song & I do relate to the lyrics but I hope to relate to them more one day, as at the moment I'm still being pushed down & down & further down but hey, I'm still here, I'm still surviving (if you can call what I'm doing surviving, or barely existing)

"You think that I can't live without your love
You'll see.
You think I can't go on another day

You think I have nothing, without you by my side
You'll see
Somehow someway

You think that I can never laugh again
You'll see
You think that you've destroyed my faith in love

You think after all you've done I'll never find my way back home
You'll see
Somehow someday

*You think that you are strong, but you are weak.
You'll see.
It takes more strength to cry, admit defeat

I have truth on my side, you only have deceit*".

And these 5 last lines, especially. These lines are important.

I didn't cry, I didn't show him how broken I was. I didn't cry a single tear for him to see (the previous time, as mentioned on the thread, there were lots of tears & strangers were looking at me in sorrow. This time, I had no outward tears. This time I walked away with my head held high. This is important to me. It sounds like nothing, but it's important to me. The people that were there with him that day didn't see me crying. That's important. However, my tears the time before don't make me weak, they make me strong.

I went back & did it again, after-all. And this time was 1000% worse. But I didn't cry.

And they lied, but I didn't. I can hold my head high & know that I was truthful.
(For all the good it did me)

Hi @LowestLow how are you? How was your Christmas?

lowestlow

My Christmas has been awful to be honest.
Im in the thick of a really nasty period of anxiety/menopausal time.
my usual coping techniques are not working.
I keep going as I know it will pass ..
then the relief comes.
its like I’m a thick fog or highly anxious.
its vile.

Sorry to hear you’re not so good .’ Think
the time of years and the dark nights are not really helping.

Going to try and read on bed to try and chill out then praying for a good nights sleep. In the old days would just have a few glasses of wine but nowadays that just makes me feel thousand times worse the next day.
Solidarity to you

buggermewhatnext I'm really sorry to hear this. It sounds rough. Are the GP helping with the menopause? I'm going through Peri but my GP have been next to useless.

I know exactly what you mean about the fog, you can post on here if you need support or a rant. Coping techniques are funny really, aren't they. They can work perfectly well & then they can just not work, too!

I'm hoping that you manage some sleep tonight.

Hi Eldermileniummam My Christmas was ok. Stressful. I haven't seen the children much, but it is what it is. I hope that yours was good? & As stress-free as possible!

I'm sorry to hear that @LowestLow

Ours has been nice but we've had quite a bad cold for most of it so we haven't done much since Christmas Day, but that's fine

Thank you, Eldermileniummam I hope you are all nearly better?

I had the flu for 3 weeks before Christmas so this added to the thoughts in my head of 'What's the point? & Why bother?' meant that I left every single thing to the last minute & that's not me at all. I'm not the person buying wrapping paper & still waiting for deliveries on 24th but I was this year.

We've had some happy times it's just hard when it feels like pressure to make the time that we do have together, perfect, as we don't get much.

We did get to do our Christmas dinner yesterday together, so that was nice.

@LowestLow I feel better than I was but not amazing. I've lost my voice so probably sound worse, which makes me paranoid about losing my voice. I'm fine. I have two more days to get sorted before I'm back at work on Friday.

I hope your Christmas dinner was nice. It's so annoying when you end up doing things later because you're not well, especially when you're normally organised.

Eldermileniummam This year was always going to be a struggle for me but it felt extra cruel that I was unwell too.

The kids have struggled too

There are lots of bugs around right now. I'm sending you positive vibes to be all better for Friday!