Support. Please anybody?

[LowestLow]

Hello. I know that I'm asking for a lot from strangers, but could I please have some support on here, if anybody is able to spare any?

I will be there for anybody if you are also having a hard time.

I have love to spare if anybody else is struggling. I wanted to post this on MH but need it to disappear.

I'm not sleeping & I'm so stressed. I am having online counseling once a week (& they say that my anxiety & depression is off the scale) it's not really helping like I thought that it would, although I'm still grateful that I'm able to have it. It's making me talk about things & I don't want to talk about things.

I'm sorry but I really need to be vague. Next Monday, the 7th, I may be losing contact with my children.

I can't bare this pain. I'm trying so hard to hang on.

Please, is anybody able to be around & post every now & then until the 7th, just so that I don't feel so alone?

We can talk about anything, distraction, if anybody wants to talk about anything?

I have been on here for 10 years but this is a new name.

Thank you Jigaliga I might do.

I’m sure you made a massive difference.

I hope you’re feeling a little better after your call tonight. We’re all here for you x

YesHonestly It helped a little.

I really appreciate the support on here.

I'm sat on my bed with the fan & the radio on.

I have a lot of the 'Why' questions floating around my head tonight & those are the worst aren't they, when you just don't know the answers!

I hope you’re having a restful night @LowestLow I second a podcast or audiobook, I find them ridiculously soothing at night and usually set a 15 min timer on them and never make it that far.

Thank you MrsRandallFraser I might try one. Sometimes noise is really helpful to quieten my mind, but sometimes it's not.

I had terrible nightmares last night.

In the daytime's, I flit between 'Its nearly over, there is nearly a conclusion, just hold on a few more days' & 'I don't want it to be over because it's likely going to be heartbreaking, & extra time with my children like yesterday will no longer happen'.

Also nobody can give me the answers that I feel like I need. I keep thinking about the children's school reports, where they write things like 'Never stop questioning things/never stop wondering' & I'm thinking 'It's wrong. Sometimes, to question things is just to torment yourself'.

Anyway, I hope that everybody/anybody who reads this is able to have something good happen for them today.

I’ll be keeping everything crossed for you OP, I really will x

Thank you YesHonestly You are being very kind to me.

I had unexpected extra time with my child again today so that was lovely, but I also had lots of paperwork to get through & had to read through a load of reports, which is really hard as there isn't anything positive in them.

@LowestLow I’m glad you had extra time yesterday!

I can understand the reports being hard to read. They are often written in a detached, corporate way with little feeling. I try to write mine with the view that a parent or the child might read them one day, and hope it makes them a little softer.

What do you have planned today?x

YesHonestly Oh they have plenty of feeling. Feeling that I'm a terrible mother.

Yours sound like they'd be alright to read. We all have to be criticised sometimes, & we all get things wrong sometimes, I know that, but there are ways aren't there.

I got to walk one of them to school this morning, as an extra, & I have my regular contact with them this evening, so this should be good.

I've finally sorted my room/the washing etc, so nothing exiting, but productive.

What are you doing today?

I try to find humour in this horrendous situation, I saw one of my friends on the school run this morning & she said 'You look pale, are you ok?' I answered 'Yes, I feel really sick' & she said 'Oh of course, with the stress of everything?' & I said 'No, sick as in actually sick!' made us laugh.

I'm feeling ok now, it was likely the no sleep & having to jump out of bed & get ready, at the last minute this morning, in the heat (& I forgot to have a drink) etc, as well as the stress of the situation!

I’m glad you found something to laugh about today. It really can lift your mood, even if just for a while.

Terrible mothers don’t think that they’re terrible mothers, they don’t tend to show much emotion, as far as they are concerned they’re good mums. It doesn’t read that way with you.

Obviously I don’t know the ins and outs, and nor should I, but I do hope that things turn out well for you x

Hey OP how was your day?

YesHonestly Thank you for your kindness. & Eldermileniummam Thank you for asking, how are you doing now?

It's been a very difficult day, lots of talking to others. I think that I've realised throughout all of this that I'm quite introverted & when it's too many people trying to talk to me (especially when it's about difficult things) then it's just too much for me (not that it matters at the moment. I have to talk to them weather it's tough for me or not)

Anyway. We keep plodding on.

I have one of my children with me tonight, so, just for a few hours, I can try to tell myself that all is right with the world, & that my child is right where they should be, with me.

I'm fine OP thank you

I'm glad you're spending some time with your child OP

Sending strength your way

Thank you Eldermileniummam & I'm glad that you are ok.

You say on Monday you may be losing contact with your children? And this could be in the press? Are you planning on harming yourself or your children?

Hi.op I'm so sorry for what you're going through 😔 I just wanted to say I pray 🙏 all goes well for you and your children on Monday, I pray you don't lose them and the contact is always available 🙏❤️
You sound like a very good soul, loving & caring, don't let nothing dim your light ❤️
Life is not always easy, the struggles are real, but remember there's always light at the end of the tunnel..... through hardship comes ease 🙏❤️ stay strong and have faith 🙏

Sending you strength today. Here if you want to talk.

No pinkglitter12 Not at all, nothing like that.

Thank you Safxxx for taking the time to write that. Very kind of you. It's been a long process & Monday is the conclusion.

Thank you Headingforthsun I'm ok. It's cooler than it has been lately so that helps too.

I have more paperwork to do tomorrow but for now I'm just laying quietly (& trying not to over-think!)

Hello all the way from Australia.....I couldn't read your posts and scroll by.

I hope that you are sleeping now and if not try the Calm app, lots of meditation and stories to help you drift off to sleep. I've been using it for many years, I actually can't sleep without it now.

When I was going through deep depression my psychologist recommended writing down the thoughts in my head. As I was writing I would often sob and smudge the writing with my tears but it really did help. Some of those pages I would burn as a symbol of releasing them.

One step at a time is all you can do and I applaud you for being present each and every day xx

Hi AussieMum135, I'm giving you a wave across the world!

I've been recommended the Calm App before, possibly by my counsellor. I actually missed my session this week, even though I desperately wanted to have one on 'this' week, because I had my child instead.

I do write things down & sometimes it helps.to get the thoughts 'out', I know what you mean.
I have a notebook by my bed & one in the kitchen. I don't like to read them back when it's like this though, as everything is so upsetting/unfinished, I suppose...

Burning them I hadn't thought of, that's an interesting idea!

I'm glad that this has worked for you, & glad to hear that you aren't in that headspace anymore. Thank you for posting, it's kind of you.

Hello OP, I just came across your thread and thought I'd say hi!
I can't sleep because I'm achy due to a medical condition. Also my son is in America and I am missing him!
How are you doing? Hope you're okay.

And I think the OP came on here as a distraction from her situation

IsItAllMenopause Thank you for saying hi, I did get a little sleep last night & the nightmares weren't too bad. I hope that you weren't awake all night? How long is your son away for?

I get to do the school run today before the rest of my paperwork (which I'm dreading) And then I have to write a feeble response which nobody reads. And it's difficult.

And I know that I'm being very vague but yes, I just wanted to know that somebody was 'there' as I feel so alone with everything & it really is a terrible situation, not of my own making but I'm pretty powerless to change it, which is why it's all so hard.

Thank you TeachMeSomething & everybody else for the support. It's helping just knowing that the thread is here.

When you get a minute later today, have a look at this waterhole in the Namibian desert. It's fascinating. I've seen ostriches, zebras, jackals, warthogs, vultures, all kinds of antelopes and giraffes. It's quiet at the moment because it's still early in the day but it can get busy mid-morning. There's also a chat box and you can contribute to it if you subscribe to the channel. (Hopefully) might distract you a bit!

Good you got some sleep! Being awake in rhe night can feel so lonely.
My son is away till September. I'm missing him but keep reminding myself that it's his life and he should be able to do what he wants with it.
Hope your paperwork goes okay. I'm a total procrastinator so I would be putting it off all day!