Support. Please anybody?

[LowestLow]

Hello. I know that I'm asking for a lot from strangers, but could I please have some support on here, if anybody is able to spare any?

I will be there for anybody if you are also having a hard time.

I have love to spare if anybody else is struggling. I wanted to post this on MH but need it to disappear.

I'm not sleeping & I'm so stressed. I am having online counseling once a week (& they say that my anxiety & depression is off the scale) it's not really helping like I thought that it would, although I'm still grateful that I'm able to have it. It's making me talk about things & I don't want to talk about things.

I'm sorry but I really need to be vague. Next Monday, the 7th, I may be losing contact with my children.

I can't bare this pain. I'm trying so hard to hang on.

Please, is anybody able to be around & post every now & then until the 7th, just so that I don't feel so alone?

We can talk about anything, distraction, if anybody wants to talk about anything?

I have been on here for 10 years but this is a new name.

We are here for you.

Don't be scared.

Everything is outside your control now.

Just breathe. It will all be okay.

Thank you Jigaliga.

I hope you’re ok x

OP where are your children? I assume with the father and it is a custody battle?

It is very unlikely that a mother loses custody, worse case scenario split custody.

You mentioned you are moving house, is that because of a divorce?

WideawakeinSanDiego I'm on UC & not working so if I don't have my children then I have to move to a smaller property (& this is fair & I'm not disputing it)

Update Nothing is happening yet. Everything stays the same for now. Only with less access for me, if others decide to do this. Because they can.

Yes, it could obviously have been a whole lot worse, & I do know this.

But, I am absolutely devastated.

I don't expect anybody to understand & I know that I can't tell anybody what to post, but if anybody is going to post then please be kind.

I'm very, very upset.

I had to watch the people who are lying about me walk away happily. Together.

Whilst I had to walk away crying & alone.

I can imagine you’re very upset OP, but for things to remain the same for now is a positive x

All I can say is that you aren't the first and you won't be the last. I dont mean that in a depressing way, but to say: you aren't alone in this experience. Try and take some small comfort in that, often I think the thing thats hardest about difficult situations is that you can often feel so alone in what youre experiencing. But you aren't x

YesHonestly It's not the same though, things could be much worse if they want & I'm powerless to stop it. Still.

Jigaliga I don't know anybody else going or who has been through this.

Thank you both for trying to help though.xxx

Hello @LowestLow
the proceedings and outcome must have been very hard to bear today and for what it’s worth you put your feelings across very well.

I think you expected to lose all contact today, so with that in mind it was positive. Did they give you a rationale as to why the decision to reduce contact was made? That might help you understand and deal with it.

Im glad you are getting support from this thread but I wish there was an independent advocate or support worker with you in person. It sounds so much to manage this alone even though you are doing incredibly well and have shown yourself to be very resilient this last few days with your posts and reflections

OP I'm sorry today was so difficult. I cannot imagine how this feels for you. I'm sending strength and here for a bit if you want to talk.

I echo what @B0D says about wishing you had more support in real life.

Thank you B0D Eldermileniummam It's complicated. It's unfair & not (for a change!) based on anything that I did.

But there's nothing that I can do.

I hoped that I might finally get somebody to listen & that then I could at least have that 'peace' in my mind, that I've been 'heard', even if the outcome was negative, but no. I'm still sat here in this limbo where I've still not been able to give my side.

I just don't understand. I feel almost like I don't actually exist. I fell so unheard. I just can't even explain how I feel really. But this outcome, out of all of the ones that I was imagining, hadn't even crossed my mind.

They say that this decision today won't affect my children so I just hope that 'they' are right & that I can at least get some peace in my mind, from that.

Will there be an opportunity for you to give your side in the next hearing or can you submit a statement to the court? I don't know the situation and I'm not asking but it would seem unusual that you cannot be heard at all.

Or all a family lawyer and get some free legal advice perhaps, assuming you are not looking to instruct someone.

Yes, Eldermileniummam I have lots to say & I was hoping to say it today. Maybe next time. It all just seems like a sick joke at this point tbh.

I can imagine

do you have an idea of timescales?

what are you up to this evening?

Eldermileniummam Yes it's a few more months.

I have been listening to music & crying. I made myself eat something & now I've got into bed with the radio on.

I thought that by this evening I'd know one way or the other.

What have you been doing this evening?

It's good that you ate something

I went to book club earlier and then was listening to a podcast about the handmaids tale after the finale yesterday and now I'm sitting in bed

I hope you manage to get some rest tonight

Eldermileniummam Oh the book club sounds interesting. I've never seen that, I think it can be a bit bleak?

The weather's bad here tonight, stormy. I like listening to it but it also makes me sad that I can't comfort my kids.

@LowestLow how are you. Well I hope.

Hi Grrrpredictivetex Thank you for asking, that's kind of you.

So, contact with the kids is going well, & I am actually seeing the them for slightly over half of the days over the holidays (which is amazing & unexpected)

Personally, I'm not doing very well. Something else happened with regards to contact which just flawed me. Honestly, when you think that things cannot get any worse & then it turns out that there's a whole new load of crap that's waiting to be hurled at you, well I'm feeling like that.

I'm surviving on about 3 hours of sleep. But I'm surviving. And I'm seeing my children.

I feel so invisible. I feel like I only exist for people to 'Blame' & 'Accuse' & once they are done doing that, I cease to exist.

However, I spoke to NSPCC for an hour today (I contacted them) & they were really helpful, so that was nice. He listened & didn't belittle me, or change his tone once I explained everything. He also believed me (or pretended to, & that's what matters) It makes so much difference to feel listened to.

I’m struggling different things, but I am trying to adjust how I view myself. I’m too quick to say, “I’m stupid, I’m always doing things wrong” etc than that’s my narrative and I just go round the plug hole in a vicious circle. I can’t remember if it was a podcast or a TikTok, I lose hours of my life to both, but I’m trying to switch to “what’s the opportunity here? What have I learned”. And it’s NOT easy, it really isn’t. If someone is being bad to you, blaming you, scapegoating you, maybe the universe is telling you that you don’t need them, and the opportunity is to avoid anyone that gives you those vibes in future. If xxx hadn’t happened, you might not have had reason to have a lovely chat with NSPCC. You can’t go back in time and fix anything, but you can learn and improve and you are doing!! A whole lot of folk aren’t aware, will never change and just aren’t worthy of your energy.

Thank you for posting, TripleSeptic. I'm so glad that you are finding things that work for you, & I wish you further happiness in the future!

The problem is that I can't get away from these people or their negativity. It's just going on & on. I can't 'not' hear it & they keep adding things too

Today has been a very, very bad day

I am very sorry. I’m still following and wishing you well ❤️

Thank you so much, TripleSeptic I have to have a meeting with this person & I'm in an absolute panic about it. All my head is saying to me is 'I can't do it', which I know isn't helpful! And I've had a 'Just go to the meeting, What's the worst that can happen?' meeting, before, & the worst thing did happen

Currently trying to find myself some support (as ever) so that I don't have to go alone.