Support. Please anybody?

[LowestLow]

Hello. I know that I'm asking for a lot from strangers, but could I please have some support on here, if anybody is able to spare any?

I will be there for anybody if you are also having a hard time.

I have love to spare if anybody else is struggling. I wanted to post this on MH but need it to disappear.

I'm not sleeping & I'm so stressed. I am having online counseling once a week (& they say that my anxiety & depression is off the scale) it's not really helping like I thought that it would, although I'm still grateful that I'm able to have it. It's making me talk about things & I don't want to talk about things.

I'm sorry but I really need to be vague. Next Monday, the 7th, I may be losing contact with my children.

I can't bare this pain. I'm trying so hard to hang on.

Please, is anybody able to be around & post every now & then until the 7th, just so that I don't feel so alone?

We can talk about anything, distraction, if anybody wants to talk about anything?

I have been on here for 10 years but this is a new name.

IsItAllMenopause Aah so counting down the days until September! How old is he?

Yes it does feel lonely doesn't it. I have 2 support people & my counsellor, 1 person who I've 'told' on the school run but none are around in the middle of the night (obviously!)

I struggle with things that I don't want to do & I will put them off until the last minute but, with this, I would have pushed myself to get it all done before now, so that I didn't have it all hanging over my head in the final week, but it hasn't turned out like that with deadlines & other complications (& other people messing up, tbh!) I'm having to do it now.

So I'm sat with the fan & I'm aiming to be done by 10!

Thank you TeachMeSomething That sounds lovely! I will have a look later.
I sometimes put the mindfulness ocean one on the TV & find that soothing.

Lovely to see so many more messages of support overnight.

Hoping the paperwork is going as well as it can be for you OP x

Chin up, OP!

Just came on to see how you are today OP

sounds like you have a busy day which hopefully might be a distraction

Thank you YesHonestly & Jigaliga
I think that I'm done! That wasn't too bad.

Not 'done' for the day, but the part that I was worried about.

I now have to discuss all of my notes with somebody else to have it double, triple checked & then they write it up for me (luckily!) As (apart from on here) I'm still a pen & paper kind of person!
Then I read through it one final time & we are all set for Monday...

It's like raking over old wounds. It's like 'Here are the most upsetting, cruel, & cutting remarks that you will ever hear anybody say about you, & your ability's as a mother (& 95% aren't even true) Now, over the next few months, you have to read them again & again & again (with a whole load of new ones added in, just this week, just to add extra torment) & discuss them, write notes on them, & again, & again...

I wish that I could read this stuff & not care. I envy the ones who are able to say 'Well it isn't true so it doesn't bother me'.

Anyway, part one for today done.

Eldermileniummam Thank you for asking. It's very hard. Very difficult. To read, but the actual notes taking wasn't too bad. A lot of my notes from yesterday have already been addressed & I missed them yesterday so that shows why I have to check it again & again, doesn't it!

How are you today?

You again!

Will you fuck off?

please stop trying to goad the OP. She’s having a difficult time and thus thread is seemingly offering a tiny bit of relief. Can’t you just be glad that she is able to use this online support rather than digging for gossip or a reason to be nasty?

OP, I hope the cooler nights are helping you to relax a bit. I can’t imagine how your mind must be wirring. I hope you’ll soon have some clarity so you’re able to work with your support team to learn coping techniques for whatever is ahead of you.

MissAndrey No I haven't.

Thank you Gazelda, YesHonestly & Jigaliga. You are all lovely.

After a fairly easy start, today ended up being very difficult. I'm trying desperately to be heard before it's too late.

Everything is going round & round in my head but I'm ok. I'm exhausted.

I've got my favourite radio station on, the lamp on & I'll be ok.

Then I get extra time with my child tomorrow morning & all weekend with them. Happy times before Monday.

Thank you so much for everybody's support.xxx

Morning OP!
How did you sleep?

I also have a lot of life stuff going on, as well as a lot of work on my plate. In a way im kind of grateful for the latter though, at least bit keeps my brain busy.

Morning OP! I hope you have a lovely time with your DC today and this weekend, do you have any nice plans?

Hi Jigaliga Thank you for asking. I hope you are ok? With your stresses as well!

I know what you mean, sometimes, lately, I crave a moment of 'Nothing to do' but then I think 'I'm not actually sure if this helps me, as it gives me too much time to think'.

Sleep wasn't great & I gave up at around 5am. I have lots of puzzle books, so I've been sat doing some of those, sometimes it's a bit too much like 'Not more words, I can't look at any more words!' but it's ok today.

Thank you MrsRandallFraser Yes, we have a summer fete to go to & will have the pool up in the garden. Have you got any plans for the weekend?

That sounds like a great weekend, I hope it provides a good distraction for you!

We’re seeing family tomorrow and then meeting some friends at pub on Sunday. Should be a a nice sociable weekend :)

Morning OP, just popping on to say I hope you have a lovely weekend!x

ive just read your thread OP and wanted to check in and offer support.
you are being so strong and you will get through this incredibly difficult time

Im visiting my mum today who I lost contact with as a child. She’s got Alzheimer’s but we make the best of what we have now.

Have the best time this weekend with your children

Im here if you need an ear.

BOD I'm so sorry about your mum. Thank you for reaching out. I worked with people with dementia for many years so I'm here for you, if you need anything.xxx

I've taken myself off for a haircut today (something that I never do, I normally just cut my fringe myself & leave the rest!) so I'm keeping myself busy. I'm waiting for some phone calls (& these are making me anxious as they are the final parts ready for Monday)

My head is doing an excellent job of 'But what about'... Making me panic that I've missed something. Our minds are quite cruel sometimes, aren't they!

& I nearly fell asleep whilst sat there getting my hair cut!

But apart from that, I'm ok (I keep telling myself that I'm ok, even though I usually answer myself with 'But I'm not!')

The walk in to school today was lovely. You don't realise how much you will miss those, until they are suddenly taken away

MrsRandallFraser Sounds lovely! Wishing you happy days.

Thank you changedusername190 & YesHonestly.

Hugs LowestLow. Are you able to concentrate on a book for a while, something that has no connection to your situation. A sort of escapism. I watch some YouTube videos of people camping out in the woods in America/Canada - it’s so far removed from my life that I can lose myself for a while.

Yes you could also try and get yourself obsessed with some super low stakes TV.
When I was going through my terrible time I got really into Virgin River.

Thank you Jigaliga & Utterlyconfusednow
I don't really have the concentration for books atm, I started feeling really panicky aeaelier, so I tried the live stream posted up thread but it wasn't really working for me today, but I found some nice piano music with scenery & that's helping, so I'm watching that now.

Hi Lowest Low, how are you this afternoon?
The weather has broken here so heavy rain for a change. I've forgotten what rain sounds like!

I spoke to my DS in America earlier. It was lovely but I was sad when we said goodbye.

Hope you are okay x

Hey OP

Sorry I didn't see your message yesterday for some reason. I think you're doing a good job of keeping busy. I find at difficult times it's good to have just enough to keep you busy but but not too much that can just overwhelm.

what you been up to today?

I'm fine thank you. Friday is my day off so it's been nice but I should get up in a mo to do the washing up!

I’m praying for rain here!

What’s the weather like where you are LowestLow?

Would going for a walk help?