Support. Please anybody?

[LowestLow]

Hello. I know that I'm asking for a lot from strangers, but could I please have some support on here, if anybody is able to spare any?

I will be there for anybody if you are also having a hard time.

I have love to spare if anybody else is struggling. I wanted to post this on MH but need it to disappear.

I'm not sleeping & I'm so stressed. I am having online counseling once a week (& they say that my anxiety & depression is off the scale) it's not really helping like I thought that it would, although I'm still grateful that I'm able to have it. It's making me talk about things & I don't want to talk about things.

I'm sorry but I really need to be vague. Next Monday, the 7th, I may be losing contact with my children.

I can't bare this pain. I'm trying so hard to hang on.

Please, is anybody able to be around & post every now & then until the 7th, just so that I don't feel so alone?

We can talk about anything, distraction, if anybody wants to talk about anything?

I have been on here for 10 years but this is a new name.

Thank you, IsItAllMenopause Yes I used to be the one with the great attention span so it's definitely related to this hell.

There will be some kind of an 'ending', in a way, soon. And then I will know.

After that yes, I need to let go of the past & the 'What could/should have been' & focus on making a new normal for myself. Although it's making me cry writing that. I don't want to have to do that

Hi how are you feeling now?! I'm a big believer in having a good cry sometimes!

Hi IsItAllMenopause I know what you mean, sometimes it helps.

It's been a bad day.
Thoughts running away with me.

I looked up life drawing/art classes & the only ones around here are all booked up but I'll keep a look out now that I'm thinking of it.

I bought myself a new Sudoku puzzle book.

How was the weather there today? It was lovely here.

Well it's easy to get carried away! I know I do it all the time. Especially with stuff about my DC. When will you find out what's happening?

I found the life drawing class on Facebook so might be worth a look.

Oh I can't do sudoku...or anything maths really.

Weather been quite nice here but heavy rain forecast tomorrow. I find winter hard work, I hate the dark!

IsItAllMenopause I'm awful at Maths but for some reason I can do Sudoku no problem!

There's a little while left now. The last few days have thrown everything up into the air again but hopefully there won't be any more delays.

It isn't fair on the children, at this point.

Yes, winter always seems so long with the dark days, doesn't it. I like it when it's raining & thundering & you can watch it from inside all cozy, but not when you have to go out in it.

Oh maybe I should try it! I like wordle but it's done in a few minutes.

Okay good, hopefully it will be fone soon. All sounds like torture! Uncertainty is hard to deal with.

Yes I like winter when I'm inside! I just feel like it goes on way too long. And I hate all the Christmas stuff being in the shops way too early.

IsItAllMenopause If you get a book they usually start with the easy ones & get harder!

It is, it's a lot & it just goes on & on. It's like some sick joke where you think that it can't get any worse & then 16 other things happen all in the same day.

Do you do any drawing/art type stuff at home? Or just in your classes?
I have my grown up colouring books but again I can't really concentrate on those right now.

My kids love looking at the Christmas stuff so I don't mind as it makes them happy, but it does get a bit... 'We've been looking at this same stuff in this same shop for the last 3 months now!'

I don't really do much art at home. A friend bought me some posh felt tips so I have a small pad that I doodle in. It's quite relaxing as it's as detailed as you want it.

Mine used to love it when they were younger but I think I've put them off it! I just find it hard work and the pressure to create the perfect Christmas drives me mad. Just seems like more pressure on mums!

IsItAllMenopause I like those colouring books with the doodle patterns.

I know what you mean, there's all the Halloween decorations starting in August as well now.

Nighttimes are still difficult for me. Exhausted but scared to go to sleep because of the nightmares.

Morning!
I think I prefer a blank page for doodling. You can do anything then which I think is the point of doodling for me.
Yes I hate the whole consumerism side of it. Very hard to ignore it though!
Oh that sounds horrible. I'm not surprised you find it hard to sleep. Have you ever tried using aromatherapy oils? I find a electric diffuser thing can help how I feel.

IsOtAllMenopause I like a blank page to hand when I'm doing my courses.

I've tried various oils over the years. I tend to spend a lot of time wandering around the house in the middle of the night. Staring out the window at nothing, wondering what others are doing, if there's a light on or I can hear distant chatter etc.

Wishing that I was somewhere else. I do have a strong urge to run, that I've never had before. Just go & don't look back (not because I've done anything wrong because I haven't. My only fault throughout this is trusting the wrong people & being too honest)

But sometimes I just want to wander off into the night & disappear.

Nightmares are often that my children should be here & aren't, & I can't find them. I have those dreams where you 'wake up' & I'm looking for my children & can't find them, & then I actually 'wake up' & I'm so distressed.

Today is a bad day. Last week was the toughest week for a while & it's catching up to me I think.

I am listening to my music & trying to stop my thoughts. I get told that I should 'Let myself feel' sometimes, but I can't. I have to suppress it or I just can't manage it.

Oh it sounds hard! Sorry you are having a bad day. The nightmares sound really distressing. I'm off out in a but. Hoping the rain isn't too heavy.

Thank you for talking to me, IsItAllMenopause. I hope you have a lovely day. It's raining on & off here as well.

Don't be daft, you don't need to thank me!
Think I'll have to dig out my brolly!

IsItAllMenopause I just want people to know that I appreciate the support

I've tidied up & now I'm going to have a bath, so at least I'm doing something with my day.

Hi LowestLow,
How's it going? I've been away this week. Nice to be home though and the sun is shining!
Hope you are well x

OP focus on your career as a distraction from your domestic issues?

Thank you WideawakeinSanDiego I'm signed off sick. It's not that I don't have things to do, it's that I have too much to do, I feel completely overwhelmed with everything.

I've had somebody helping me this past week & it's been much needed.

IsItAllMenopause How lovely, where did you go? It's raining here but still warm.

I feel like I'm jinxing myself because everything I think or say that things can't get any worse then this whole new load of awful stuff happens.

But I've had somebody supporting me this past week so I'm not feeling so alone with it all.

I feel very in demand, I've never felt like this in my life. I walk into a building & people know me by name & my phone is constantly ringing.

It's not good. For somebody who doesn't like to be the centre of attention! But it's people trying to help, so that part, is great.

I have my counselling later today so I should be ok, but I'm struggling today.

I don't want to be here any more.

Hi LowestLow,
How's it going? How did your counselling go? x

IsItAllMenopause It was ok. It didn't help with how I'm feeling.

How are you?

Oh no sorry to hear that.
I'm okay...the holiday wore me out to be honest.
Hope you're ok x

IsItAllMenopause Need a holiday to get over the holiday! I hope you are able to rest.

I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, I just have nothing left to give. I've never felt this 'empty' before.

Hi OP, hope you are doing better today?
I'm still not feeling great but could be worse!
Have you got anything planned for the weekend?

IsItAllMenopause I'm by myself this weekend. I need to try & sleep as I havn't slept properly for so long & I'm so tired.

My counsellor told me to spend time with other people & not isolate myself so much, but I've been trying that & it isn't helping.

I'm glad that you are feeling a bit better, are you able to rest this weekend?