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Original poster

I'm getting a termination

419 replies

Sadandveryupset · 10/01/2008 10:28

Hi !
I have posted few posts on my present situation. DH and I had a condom failure, took the MAP and it didnt work as I'm now pregnant. It's still really hard to believe I'm pregnant, it's my third pregnancy.
I cant keep it because I have already 2 young daughters, we cant afford to have another one. I'm so so so sad to have to go trought with it. If I keep it, it's going to wreck my family, I'll never be able to look after 3 young children, we'll always be poor, not being able to afford a house. I love my dds so much and I want to anything I can to be there for them at every levels. Has anyone been in my situation ? How do you live after such a trauma ?

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 12/01/2008 23:16

Can i just say 1 thing, the most important thing in life is love not money

nutcracker · 12/01/2008 23:17

Agree with expat about not trying to think for or fell what others will feel about your decision.

I based my decision on how I thought everyone else lives would be effect by what I did. I briefly considered what I would think, fell etc but at the front of my mind were my kids, my dp at the time and other people.

It was the very worst way to decide. Yes consider others, but please consider yourself first.

Original poster
Sadandveryupset · 12/01/2008 23:17

You are right scooby...you are right I know

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadandveryupset · 12/01/2008 23:19

If I consider myself first..I think the guilt will kill me...sorry you must think I'm a drama queen..only me and dh an all of you know about my situation.

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 12/01/2008 23:19

Seriously, kids are so much more happy if they have love,, attention & care, money & the finer things in life are just so much further down the list than the ones i just stated.

You sound like a fabulous mum & i am sure your kids will not be turning around to you in years to come saying things like that.

Life is what you make it, you don't need to be rich or have all the fine things in life to make it good believe me, we have no money but our kids are happy, content & loved.

nutcracker · 12/01/2008 23:20

You could not have the baby and still never have any money because you don't knwo what is round the corner.

I had a termination because of money, and now 8 years later, I still don't have any money, but if i had the chance to decide again, the money would be the last of my worries.

Hoestly, money isn't everything.

Am gona shut up now becase i feel i am trying to make you go one way and that wasn't my intention.

Original poster
Sadandveryupset · 12/01/2008 23:21

Thank you scooby for your post...do you have 3 children ?

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 12/01/2008 23:22

No i certainly don't think your a drama queen, you are trying to make a descision which is right for your family, i think you need to think about yourself here though, as you just said if you did it, in the long term it would kill you, if your going to regret this then don't do it because you will be no good to your dd's then will you?

Whatever you decide to do you know we will all be here for you don't you?

Miano · 12/01/2008 23:23

Again you are not being positive!!

It often bothers me that my kids don't get all they want but they are so much more rounded for it.

The older ones 11 and 9 love clothes, dancing and all that but appreciate time with mom and dad alot more than anything else.

They now appreciate when the get something they really want which is not often let me tell you.

Your kids will understand if you explain to them like I have to mine. They will be considerate if you teach them the values, that life is not all about what you have( Nice trainers, clothes ETC) but about the people you spend time with it.

ScoobyDoo · 12/01/2008 23:23

No we have 2 children, ds is 5.4 & dd is 2 on the 20/01 at the moment i don't want anymore children, would love to have 3 to be honest & it does cross my mind but my mental health is not in the right place right now.

Original poster
Sadandveryupset · 12/01/2008 23:23

No nutcracker, I appreciate your post...it's not only money I'm worried about..am I going to manage to give them one on one time ? Will I ? I'm so scared of fucked their life up...so scared..

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 12/01/2008 23:25

I hope you don't think i am trying to make you go one way either, all i am trying to do is point out there are some positives in the situation as you are focusing on many negatives which is totally understandable in a situation like this.

expatinscotland · 12/01/2008 23:26

Hey, you haven't been around long! Because you ain't a drama queen!

But nutty pointed out a salient point.

Parenthood is scary! Because you just don't know what's around the corner. You just don't know.

All you have is what's here and now.

saturdaynight · 12/01/2008 23:28

Sad, I wouldn't worry about the age gap , there's only a year or so between my two youngest and they are really close. Also don't know if this will help you but i was told once that you will know if you have made the right decision if you get a sense of relief when you do it- if you still feel confused you're on the wrong track. Seems to me your heart is telling you one thing and your head another.

expatinscotland · 12/01/2008 23:28

And I hope you also don't think I'm trying to lead you one way or the other because I'm pro-choice, and wouldn't judge a person on what they decided.

Everyone has her reasons.

But from what I've gathered on here, those reasons for terminating need to be 100% on the part of the one having it or it can lead to some pretty serious problems.

Original poster
Sadandveryupset · 12/01/2008 23:28

Scooby, Miano, thanks for your post..it does open my eyes...my fears are due to the fact that I'm from a familly of 3 children and my parents had a really hard time to raise us...

OP posts:
bookwormmum · 12/01/2008 23:28

Oh Sad. I really feel for you. Whatever you choose is right for you and absolutely no-one will judge you or if they do, they are not worth space in your life (this is coming from Miss Conventional herself). Please don't be afraid to ask for, nay demand, counselling and details of support groups, either pro-choice or pro-life. You are unsure as you are making a big decision.

If you were told now that you weren't pg (say the test was wrong) would you secretly feel relieved or sad?

expatinscotland · 12/01/2008 23:28

there are 16 months between DH and his older brother.

16 months between his sister's elder and younger sons. and she was only 19 when the second one was born.

notjustmom · 12/01/2008 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miano · 12/01/2008 23:33

Theese are irrational ( but real ) fears you have.

You will be able to give them one on one if you make that effort.

You seem to be worried that you are making the decison of abortion on things that may never happen.

You just as easily could "fuck up their life" if you abort and spend the next 5 years depressed because you did so.

,

notjustmom · 12/01/2008 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 12/01/2008 23:35

my dad's one of five who grew up sleeping boys in hammocks on the porch outside and girls in the only other excuse for a room.

they don't remember much aside from the times they had as wee ones.

even now, it's funny. there are only three of them left now, but they get together and still talk about the old days, how Papa used to hide the dirty pans he didn't want to wash for the one who's turn it was the next day.

Original poster
Sadandveryupset · 12/01/2008 23:35

Expat - the reasons why I want to do it is because dh and I are scared but I think I'm more scared of living with guilt and regret for the rest of my life. I'm able to give life...
If I think of my dds and my dds only, I wouldnt go trought with it but they may be ok with a young sibling..it's just I was so happy to be pregant before, so happy to give birth, I have still have in mind my first night with them at hospital in mind when I promised them to protect them...and now how can I think of abortion..

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 12/01/2008 23:40

sad, you have to think about you in all this, because you know, those girls are going to grow up and lead their own lives.

my name is just what is says.

i'm not even an expat even more, i'm an immigrant for life. i live over 5000 miles from my mother, whom i love so much.

my children are something that's in so many ways entirely foreign to me. that's the choice i made when i came here and decided to bring them up here, amongst their father's people. they will not be like me. they will never see the world as i do.

but i'm glad Mama made decisions that were best for her, too, that made her the mum who was able to live with herself okay.

she made that distinction. she was still herself, as well as our mother.

she is a woman who kept that part of her, that part of, 'I did this because it was best for me and because it was best for me, then it was best for you.'

and she was right, in her own way.

Miano · 12/01/2008 23:43

Change you posting name from sadand veryupset to "reassuredthatIwilldowhatsrightforme"!!
Be strong and POSITIVE!

You know deep down what is right don't be swayed.

All we are trying to tell you is do what you feel is the right thing, not what you think is morally right.