I'm getting a termination

[Sadandveryupset]

Hi !
I have posted few posts on my present situation. DH and I had a condom failure, took the MAP and it didnt work as I'm now pregnant. It's still really hard to believe I'm pregnant, it's my third pregnancy.
I cant keep it because I have already 2 young daughters, we cant afford to have another one. I'm so so so sad to have to go trought with it. If I keep it, it's going to wreck my family, I'll never be able to look after 3 young children, we'll always be poor, not being able to afford a house. I love my dds so much and I want to anything I can to be there for them at every levels. Has anyone been in my situation ? How do you live after such a trauma ?

Sad, I am truly sorry for what you are going through. Do think about and take the counselling option, if possible before hand because it doesn't sound like you have fully reconciled yourself to this.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation and feeling so bad. I have thought hard before posting on this thread and really do not want to cause you any additional distress but there is the possibility of continuing the pregnancy and having the baby adopted. I was adopted as a baby and feel fine about it: present day adoptions can involve contact with the child and its new family if you want.
I am not at all anti-choice and would not have posted this if not for the fact that you seem so distressed and conflicted about having a termination. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and your circumstances and your family, and you are not wrong or bad and do not deserve to suffer or be punished.

I am so sad to read this, and find it very hard to comprehend how somebody can abort a baby. But I do not judge them and have so much compassion for you that you feel this is your only option.

My 3 dd was 1 year and 4 months when I had the 4thdd and she loves her to bits and has not lost out on my time in any way that has caused her stress, infact it has allowed them to bond more as they are so close in age I feel.

Also I understand the financial side as we too have never been rich by any means but have managed but things can get tough when stressed about money.

Also the aspect of giving individual time to the others I understand is hard because I feel like that with my 4.

But I still could never contemplate this option if I were in the same situation.

What would you do if the option of abortion was not there for you?

I am a strong believer in faith and believe is something is meant to be it is meant to be.

Please be sure you are making the right decision for yourself instead of your kids. As your kids will adjust to a new family member but you may not adjust if you make a decision you regret.

Hi,
Tulip, thanks for your toughts, I'm sorry my story reminds you of your ordeal, thanks for your kindness.
Penijo - I'm glad it all went ok for you at the end, believe if I could keep this baby I would but if I do, nothing positive is going to come out of it..I'm pregnant because the condom dh and I used, has splitted, first thing in the morning I was taking the morning after pill and it didnt work..My fault is that I didnt use a more reliable contraception. People could think I didnt do my best not to get pregnant. This baby is unwanted, it's sound harsh and I'm feeling horrible to write these words but it's true. Life will be too difficult with three children, I wont be able to cope, I wont be able to meet their individual needs...I have so much worries at the moment with DD1 who doesnt eat a proper diet, she's so fussy so I stress over it, DD2 is underweight so that's another worry and I do my best to adress it. I gave up my work to become a childminder so I could stay with them and also earn some money part time.

All I want for my family is the right balance.

Madamez : Thank you, my decision has been taken.

Miano - I come from a family of 3 children, and our lives was hard..my parents were stressed out, working like mad..one was working at night, one was working at day so they didnt have to pay childcare...they sacrificed their couple, and my dad ressented us for a long time for that..and they never had money...it was hard..I dont want that for my children..

I understand it's hard to read/hear about it..I was against abortion, the fact that some people used as a way of contraception made me feel mad but this pregnancy is an accident and the timing is bad, my family and I are at a corner of our lives...we can make it now but if I go trought with it, we'll fail, we know that.

Hi Notjustamom, thanks for your kind words, it really touches me..How are you ? Are things getting better for you ?

Sorry notjustmom, I have just saw your post on another thread..I'm feeling so sad for you and other ladies going through your present situation..thanks for being here for me

I remembered in one of your post, you were saying you couldnt keep it. Have your feelings change towards it ? In any case, I'm really sorry you are going through this ordeal. Sorry.

I'm so sorry notjustmom, so sorry, I hope you are going to get better soon, I hope you get a lot of cuddles from your dp...so sorry.

Hi,

Sorry to be like a cold shower on your saturday evening..I'm so sorry but I need to talk, I'm not feeling well at all right now..this afternoon I have done a bid mistake, I have watched some films on abortion and it shocked me to the core, please dont judge me. I have my first appointment on the 4rst of february and I'll be 8 weeks...I think I cant go trought with it anymore, it's too awful..I'm sorry I need to talk..

why's it so awful, sad?

it's a choice.

you don't have to have an abortion, or you can have one if that is what you are 100% certain is right for you.

I'm not 100 % sure anymore that's the thing...I'm just torn at the moment..I dont want to go trought with it but it's going to wreck my family's life..

It's so awful because I have been a stupid idiot and watch some abortion movies this afternon and it made me feel sick.

Thanks expat for talking to me

Have you had any counselling?

How do you know it will wreck your childrens' lives?

You don't, really.

You have to go on what you feel, because it is your body and your choice, sad.

That's what's the issue here.

Sad - you didn't mail me..
I have talked to my friend, the training she received is from a pro-life organisation however she says they do take an impartial view of things if you want to contact them this is their contact details

Don't call yourself an idiot. Possibly you watched those abortion movies because you were already feeling guilty/ambivalent. In terms of wrecking your family's life - from what you have posted (obviously there may be circumstances I am unaware of) if you continue with the pregnancy it will make life difficult financially for a few years longer,but that isn't insurmountable or necessarily a disaster in the long term.

I'm in tears Expat, I cant go trought with it...I cant, I cant...I'm so sorry if I sound confused to you..I'm just feeling so upset..

I didnt have conselling yet but planning to get it touch with someone on monday..

I'm so sorry to bother you with my problems with what you have been trought...you really have a lot of heart.

Sadandveryupset, I've just noticed this and wanted to say no one should be judging you either way. But it does sound as though this is the wrong decision for you, is there no way you can work out the financial details?
That said, do whatever is right for you and your family, but please get counselling

I bet if you post your financial situation on MN (name change) you'll get loads of advice.
I notice you said you didn't want help from the government, I think in this situation, sod that! Get everything you are entitled to

Sad, the first thing you need to do is stop apologising about your situation and beating yourself up over it.

I've been on MN a few years, and this is way more common than you'd think.

Thing is, sad, this is about choice over what happens to you and your body.

And though I've never had a termination, there are quite a few here who have, both those who were 100% sure and those who did it for other reasons.

And I reckon every last one of them would say to do it if and only IF you are one of those who are 100% sure this the best decision for YOU right now.

Jingley - I have mailed you but maybe I got it wrong...I mailed at [email protected], sorry, I probably got it wrong.

Totalcaos - I'm feeling guilty, it's true..I watched these movies as information..well I tought..it has broke my heart, I cant close my eyes without seeing it.

Stealth - I'm judging myself, I'm a cunt, a stupid cunt..if I studied when I was young, I'll have a carreer or at least some prospect and I wouldnt be in that situation. I'm a cunt