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I'm getting a termination

419 replies

Sadandveryupset · 10/01/2008 10:28

Hi !
I have posted few posts on my present situation. DH and I had a condom failure, took the MAP and it didnt work as I'm now pregnant. It's still really hard to believe I'm pregnant, it's my third pregnancy.
I cant keep it because I have already 2 young daughters, we cant afford to have another one. I'm so so so sad to have to go trought with it. If I keep it, it's going to wreck my family, I'll never be able to look after 3 young children, we'll always be poor, not being able to afford a house. I love my dds so much and I want to anything I can to be there for them at every levels. Has anyone been in my situation ? How do you live after such a trauma ?

OP posts:
saturdaynight · 12/01/2008 23:45

My best friend made a list of the pros and cons of having kids- money, work, freedom, flat stomach! She asked me to fill in the pro side but the only thing i could think was of that intangible feeling of overwhelming love. Think you should follow your heart.

Sadandveryupset · 12/01/2008 23:50

All your post makes me cry...
notjustmom : you are so courageous, so nice, to have some spare time for me with what you have been trought lately...if I had a misacarriage, I'll accept it as the nature taking its course iykwim but I'll be sad..it's the procedure of abortion which repulse me.

Miano - I agree with you..what will I offer to my dds if I'm depressed.

Expat - same situation here, I'm french, ok france is just next door, I told my mum about my situation but I cant talk a lot about it with her, I feel I'm not able to..

OP posts:
Sadandveryupset · 12/01/2008 23:51

You are right miano, I'm going to put my real mumsnet name

OP posts:
bookwormmum · 12/01/2008 23:53

I'm sure that your mum would want to support you Sad. You want to protect your dd's right? Well you are your Mum's dd. She will want to help you even if it is being on the end of a phone or even a visit.

ScoobyDoo · 12/01/2008 23:54

You have nothing to be ashmaed of, tis your life, whatever you do you know we are all here to help you through don't you?

I hope you make the right decision for your family & yourself, most importantly yourself & your health/body.

Miano · 12/01/2008 23:54

Are you French? I go to live in France in Feb.

expatinscotland · 12/01/2008 23:55

sad, my mother's mother was French, so I know where you are coming from, a bit.

Summerfruit · 12/01/2008 23:55

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Summerfruit · 12/01/2008 23:56

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psychomum5 · 12/01/2008 23:58

I have been following your anguish for the last few days, but haven't posted as you seemed to have felt so sure.

now you don't

I think this really means that you should not rush into a descision that will be a live long one....and either one will be.

you need to ask yourself a few questions....and answer honestly.

do you have the room, physically, to house a new baby ?(now, unless you are in a bedsit or homeless, then really, you do.)

do you have the room in you heart? (you sound as tho you do.....(you certainly have a huge heart full of love for your DD's now, I have no doubt either that already you feel something for this new potantial life.)

do you have room in you car (I know, silly question, but a Q just the same on a financial front) (if you have a car, then that answer must be yes.)

lastly.....does your DH, and will your DD's have the time and room to love another?? (my feeling is , of course for your DH, and no doubt for your DD's).

If the only reason for not having this baby is a financial one (and I know you worry too about your DD's wellbeing, but as for this right now, ignore that feeling), then you really sound as tho you will regret this and it will forever be with you.

I don't honestly think this is the right thing for you......and I have been where you are right now!

I had 2 DD's, one of whom had just been diagnosed with and immune deficiancy, when I found myself pregnant again. not planned, we had talked about more, but not just then!....but I was.......

it was scary, but we asked the same questions that I have given you.

our reasons for not having the baby were financial and also whether we would cope with another when DD2 was at that point so poorly.

I couldn't do it.....and since deciding that have not regreted it one bit.

DD3 is now 9, and since then we have had 2 sons too.......in fact both again were not planned (DS1 came when DD3 was 16mths too!!!!).

I have to say.....yes it is hard, but this is obviously the way my life was meant to be.

life throws us cards, some we handle, some we drop, but all are lessons we are meant to learn....however hard each lesson is, and some we woder why the fuck we were meant to have them.

what I am trying to say is this.....

things happen for a reason....for what reason at that time sometimes we have no clue of, but still they happen.

they happen to shape us, make us grow in some way....maybe even to help us learn so that in the future we can pass on our knowledge and help someone else.

I have no clue what is in my future....all I know damn sure is this

what ever happened to me in my past has made me the woman and mother and wife I am today.

I have lived thro some truly fucking shitty times, but if I hadn't, I would not be ME, and I quite like ME, and I know that my DH and kiddies love me!......but to be me, I had to live the life I had.....hence, looking back, I owuld not and could not change a thing!

what will be with this baby will be.....you are pregnant now for a reason. what reason you don;t yet know, but the reason is there.....you may not understand theis lesson yet for another 10/20/30 yrs. or you may understand it in 1yr!

what I will say is this .....go with your gut (someone else here has said that!).

I am sorry for the length, and also sorry if some doesn;t make sense, but in some small way, i hope this helps a little.

be good to yourself tho, and don't hate yourself. you are really being very unselfish as all your thinking right now is centred on your daughters and their future.

expatinscotland · 13/01/2008 00:03

my dad's parents were both from Mexico, my mother's mother was from France and her father was first generation American, both his parents were Mexican immigrants.

Miano · 13/01/2008 00:03

Hope you can work this out, and I hope your saddness and indecsion is replaced with decision and relief real soon....

Its really not that harder having 3 kid than it is having 2, we have 4 and manage well because we both remain postive (even though somedays thats hard to do). Have faith in your family and yourself that you can get through this episode, it will not last forever.

expatinscotland · 13/01/2008 00:06

my mother is both a French and an American national and my father is both a Mexican and an American national. My children and I are both British and US nationals.

SORRY! End hijack!

But talking to a French person about what is the best course of action is like teaching a dog to read, IME.

Miano · 13/01/2008 00:06

Phscomum that is a nice posting and it makes lots of sense!!

expatinscotland · 13/01/2008 00:06

Good post, psycho, as usual!

saturdaynight · 13/01/2008 00:08

psycho what a lovely post don't know if its the wine or your words but i'm crying now

psychomum5 · 13/01/2008 00:13

tis my wine that made me flow me thinks.....just posted from the heart.

sad......except my hugs. this is a scary time for you.....just follow your gut tho and whatever choice you make will be the right one, however hard.

and whichever choice, no-one here will judge....they will just support.

there are many wonderful women here, and not one of us can say we have never made a mistake, or regreted that mistake. it is how we live our lives after, and how we learn too, that make us and shape us.

Summerfruit · 13/01/2008 00:16

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Summerfruit · 13/01/2008 00:17

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expatinscotland · 13/01/2008 00:20

bravo, psychomum!

a truly brave and wise post!

saturdaynight · 13/01/2008 00:21

Summerfruit how great you are to reveal your name. take and deep breath and do what you really want to do, so many people here to support you whatever it is.

Psycho meant i was on the wine didn't mean to suggest your wise eloquence wss wine eloquence.

Miano · 13/01/2008 00:21

Just took a look at your profile! Your dds are beautiful!! Take care !

Summerfruit · 13/01/2008 00:23

Message withdrawn

Magdelanian · 13/01/2008 00:25

I just want to add that you need to go to counselling very soon before you make a final decision. You only have DH and Mumsnet to talk it through with atm. I hope you make the right decision for you and your family. God bless and I feel for you.

saturdaynight · 13/01/2008 00:29

Thank you Summerfruit I just have.They are just lovely and obviously much loved. Wishing you and your DH strength and honesty in all this. Take care.