I have been following your anguish for the last few days, but haven't posted as you seemed to have felt so sure.
now you don't
I think this really means that you should not rush into a descision that will be a live long one....and either one will be.
you need to ask yourself a few questions....and answer honestly.
do you have the room, physically, to house a new baby ?(now, unless you are in a bedsit or homeless, then really, you do.)
do you have the room in you heart? (you sound as tho you do.....(you certainly have a huge heart full of love for your DD's now, I have no doubt either that already you feel something for this new potantial life.)
do you have room in you car (I know, silly question, but a Q just the same on a financial front) (if you have a car, then that answer must be yes.)
lastly.....does your DH, and will your DD's have the time and room to love another?? (my feeling is , of course for your DH, and no doubt for your DD's).
If the only reason for not having this baby is a financial one (and I know you worry too about your DD's wellbeing, but as for this right now, ignore that feeling), then you really sound as tho you will regret this and it will forever be with you.
I don't honestly think this is the right thing for you......and I have been where you are right now!
I had 2 DD's, one of whom had just been diagnosed with and immune deficiancy, when I found myself pregnant again. not planned, we had talked about more, but not just then!....but I was.......
it was scary, but we asked the same questions that I have given you.
our reasons for not having the baby were financial and also whether we would cope with another when DD2 was at that point so poorly.
I couldn't do it.....and since deciding that have not regreted it one bit.
DD3 is now 9, and since then we have had 2 sons too.......in fact both again were not planned (DS1 came when DD3 was 16mths too!!!!).
I have to say.....yes it is hard, but this is obviously the way my life was meant to be.
life throws us cards, some we handle, some we drop, but all are lessons we are meant to learn....however hard each lesson is, and some we woder why the fuck we were meant to have them.
what I am trying to say is this.....
things happen for a reason....for what reason at that time sometimes we have no clue of, but still they happen.
they happen to shape us, make us grow in some way....maybe even to help us learn so that in the future we can pass on our knowledge and help someone else.
I have no clue what is in my future....all I know damn sure is this
what ever happened to me in my past has made me the woman and mother and wife I am today.
I have lived thro some truly fucking shitty times, but if I hadn't, I would not be ME, and I quite like ME, and I know that my DH and kiddies love me!......but to be me, I had to live the life I had.....hence, looking back, I owuld not and could not change a thing!
what will be with this baby will be.....you are pregnant now for a reason. what reason you don;t yet know, but the reason is there.....you may not understand theis lesson yet for another 10/20/30 yrs. or you may understand it in 1yr!
what I will say is this .....go with your gut (someone else here has said that!).
I am sorry for the length, and also sorry if some doesn;t make sense, but in some small way, i hope this helps a little.
be good to yourself tho, and don't hate yourself. you are really being very unselfish as all your thinking right now is centred on your daughters and their future.