I'm getting a termination

[Sadandveryupset]

Hi !
I have posted few posts on my present situation. DH and I had a condom failure, took the MAP and it didnt work as I'm now pregnant. It's still really hard to believe I'm pregnant, it's my third pregnancy.
I cant keep it because I have already 2 young daughters, we cant afford to have another one. I'm so so so sad to have to go trought with it. If I keep it, it's going to wreck my family, I'll never be able to look after 3 young children, we'll always be poor, not being able to afford a house. I love my dds so much and I want to anything I can to be there for them at every levels. Has anyone been in my situation ? How do you live after such a trauma ?

Today my dh and I were having a talk about your predicament,

He made a very valid point to me, he said if someone can't cope with another child emtionally how do they emotionally cope with having an abortion.

I don't think its the end of the world for you to have this baby, your kids will be fine, financially you will manage there is help out there.

Also do you really think you can cope with this abortion stuff after the event if you are already undecided again?

You know what the option of having the baby brings, but no idea what the abortion may bring, maybe alot worse.

You really do seem confused and you have my sympathy wish I could be there to give you a hug.

Do what is best for your emotional well being, the rest (Kids,Finances etc.) will fall into place. Have a good think deep down about what is best for YOU now and in the future.

This is your life and you need to be acceptant of the choice you make otherwise you will suffer. Forget about your kids and dh and pregnancy for now and decide what is best for you.

I tought I didnt have feeling for it but I do, it's what is killing me expat.

jeni at benjamintong dot com

Also maybe after all this is sorted, it would be a good idea to have a coil fitted or something more effective than condoms.

GREAT advice, Miao, and btw, it's good to see you back again!

Sorry, Miano!

Good advice!

Miano - the irony is that I was booked for a coil fitting in january...the condom solution was just an in between contraception IYKWIM...

Thanks notjustmom for your kindness as everybody, I hope you feel better tonight..

I was supposed to have a coil fitted after my periods which were due on the 8/01, I was supposed to go next week...

The condom has splitted on boxing day around 10 pm, the morning after I was at the doc to have a MAP prescription and at 10 am I took the MAP...I did my best to avoid this situation, I did my best

So you did, sad.

Now you are here. Now is now.

And you must do what you feel is best for you.

I dont think that I'll be able to deal with the guilt of the afterwards...so having few more hard years or having to deal with the guilt for a lifetime..

Expat you are just fab you know great advice.

Sad - I am so sorry your in this situation, i really do feel for you, i feel you should really follow your heart on this one, i would not worry about money or your others kids at this point because i think it will work out in the end, i would worry about you how you feel & what you want to do.

Please don't do anything you may regret, you don't sound 100% sure so follow expat's advice.

Out of 100% how much do you want to keep the baby?

it's not just a bunch of cells, it's a baby..not just a bunch of cells

Then you've answered your own question, sad.

Someone pointed out on another thread like this that the children rarely suffer from having another sibling. And how would you know, anyhow?

If you don't feel 100%, then it's not the right decision for you.

By all means, please see a counsellor.

But at the end of the day, this is your decision.

And no one is here to judge you.

Not sure if this has been asked but how does your Dh feel?

I agree with expats wonderful advice.

As i think I said further down, I have been in your situation and terminated for the same reasons that you are thinking of terminating for.

Which ever desicion you make will be the right one for you if you are sure. You do really need to be sure.

I'm not sure anymore..I think I need to go concelling, I tought I was going to go just before the first appointment for the abortion but I cant wait..DH and I had a long conversation about it..and he's in tears as me..he's scared to live with it for the rest of our lives...he's going to look at bigger houses to rent...my youngest dd will be 1 year and 4 month old when the baby is due..how will she cope with a new baby ?

I am sure you did you best, and whats done is done now. So the best thing you can do is make a decision so you can move on and be a bit more settled in yourself.

Again, do what is right for YOU the rest will fall into place. I know you are confused and its hard to make a decison on something when both options are daunting. Write down all good that can come out of each of theese options? Instead of the bad, and maybe you can decide from that.

Try and think what advice you would give to someone if they were in the same situation and apply it to yourself.

Help yourself make the decesion only YOU can make.

Postive things that can happen if you
Go through with it (Having Baby):

If you don't (have baby):

Forget to add thank you for sharing your time with me...and for your advices.

She'll cope because she will not remember any of the bad stuff, sad, anymore than my 2-year-old will remember the chickenpox she'll probably get in the next week or so.

K, I'll be back - 4.5 year old with chickenpox crying in bed just now.

Agree with expat, my dd was 16 months when I had another and they are best buddies.

Expats advice is very refreshing and always positve and I think thats what you are missing in life.

You need to pull the good out of every situation. Every situation in life can be turned around. Life is as positive or negative as you make it.

Change your attitude towards this, be positive and grateful that you can actually make a choice. This will help you remain strong.

You will not make the right decision in a sad state of mind. You need to be your strong, grounded self before making this decision that way you will feel reassured you did it in the right mind.

Sad, I wasn't sure whether to post or not as this decision is yours and I would support you whatever you decide, but fwiw I had an unplanned pregnancy like yours when I was 24 - split condom, MOP didn't work, and we were only together a few weeks. I had no money and no job, an incredibly Roman Catholic mother with a dodgy heart and my boyfriend had a crap job and was sleeping on a friend's floor. I was devasted but borrowed the money and booked into a clinic as it seemed rational and sensible . However as they were putting the gas mask over my face I hopped off the operating table and did a runner. I have never regreted it . My dd is now 13, my BF is now my DH and somehow along the way we managed. We both think that she was just meant to be and my DH always calls her his Lucky Star. I can remember having all the same doubts as you although I kept telling myself that a termination was the logical thing to do. Also I come from a bit of a dysfuntional family myself and although I now have the same number of kids as my parents I am not raising my kids the same way so please don't think you will end up repeating yur parents mistakes if you have 3 kids like them. I truly wish you all the best whatever you do

Sad - Why not try & look at it as a positive with your dd who will be 1.4 years old when the baby arrives?

My dd is 2 soon & since she was about 16 months she is such a mother earth, she loves babies, loves to cuddle them & be mother to them she is still the same now, she also loves cleaning (just like her mother)

Your dd will love it, just involve her in the new babies life, she will be with you all day & new baby & she will get used to it.

I was the same when we just had ds & i fell pg with dd i used to think how sad i felt fr ds because he was an only child & a new baby was goingt o turn his world upside down BUT you know what it did'nt, he loved having dd & when dd was here it did not go through my mind.

Kids adapt very well especially at young ages.

Please don't worry about your other kids you will probably find they will love having another little person round the house.

K, I'm back!

More Nurofen for the wee one.

Sad, Miano speaks sense.

Man, if I spent my life being negative, I'd be dead. Quite literally.

This is about you and your health, your body and your choice.

And let me tell you, when you make a decision and you make that decision because that's what you could or could not do at the time, I can tell you, you won't have regrets.

You will look back and think, 'I did what I thought was right at the time.'

The rearview mirror is 20/20, so give yourself a break and look out, look around, check your mirrors and go from there.

BUT STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!

And stop trying to guess and feel for others, i.e,, your kids.

They're not you.

You're the one who's pregnant.

Like we all said, no one is here to judge you. Support you, yes, judge you, nope.

ok..I think I want to keep the baby..but what if in few years, my dds turned to me and say mum, why we never have money, why cant I have nice things like my friends ? What do I tell them ?