I don't have ADHD, so what the hell wrong with me?

[Darkdarkdeeds]

I will try to keep this short. I am 41 and pretty much a walking disaster area. Chronically disorganised, messy, always end up stressed and overworked in jobs owing to being disorganised and not being able to manage my time, always end up having to spend extra money on postage etc because I haven't allowed enough time for mailing a present for example, got a 2:2 in my degree despite being very academically able because I just couldn't get my shit together. The list goes on.

I have some traits of inattentive ADHD, and I'll admit, I was hoping that would give me some answers as to why I am so useless. My gut feeling though is that I don't have it. Some aspects definitely don't fit me, I am very rarely late to appointments or forget them as long as they are in my diary. I am more likely to be early as I overestimate the time it will take to get somewhere and feel incredibly anxious about being late. I don't think I struggle with following instructions either. In a way I can be organised, I have set up a thousand different systems, each time thinking this will be the one which keeps me on track, only for it to fall by the wayside within days or weeks. I am very detail oriented and if anything get overly bogged down in details to the point of inaction.

I feel so ashamed that I am so useless as a human being that I would almost wish to have a disorder/condition many people struggle with. Does anyone out there feel the same? Have you found any strategies which have helped?

I am in the incredibly fortunate position that I fell in love with someone who has his shit together. He has a tendency towards mess which isn't ideal but he doesn't really care, whereas my inability to keep things tidy is a source of anxiety and shame to me. We have a lovely house thanks to DH's job, financially I have contributed very little, even less since I was made redundant. I have somehow managed to avoid being fired ever despite really struggling work wise. I have tended to compensate by working ridiculous hours/weekends etc to try to keep my head above water.

I don't really know why I am posting, maybe in the hope that someone will tell me I'm not just a failure. I have 2 children and I am terrified that they will grow up like me or not fulfill their potential because of my inability to be organised. My mum and dad are both incredibly together as are my sisters so I'm this weird black sheep of the family.

Anyway thank you if you somehow waded through that brain dump and still more if you have any suggestions or even just reply.

I’ve spoken to the GP and she has agreed to refer me for an assessment. I think that is the fastest I have ever made a non-emergency thing happen ever!! Thinks it could be stress and anxiety as I am under huge amount of pressure at the moment and I did OK at school but we will see xx

Well done Wrinkle. Will that be a referral to your local services or are you going via right to choose?

It’s a local service but she said she would let me know ASAP if they weren’t accepting referrals or there was a long wait and we could talk again.

Well done wrinkle! As for doing well at school- I always got great exam results but ask me to do coursework and homework and I flopped spectacularly. I could only work with the pressure of exams. I've now got quite a senior job. I got to talk about this with my assessor- along with the mental impact of education and work. He said that it was important to look at how results were acheived eg working excessive hours or being a perfectionist and that a high IQ can mask ahdh.

Dark- any progress on your other issue so you can progress you adhd assessment?

Well done wrinkle! As for doing well at school- I always got great exam results but ask me to do coursework and homework and I flopped spectacularly. I could only work with the pressure of exams. I've now got quite a senior job. I got to talk about this with my assessor- along with the mental impact of education and work. He said that it was important to look at how results were acheived eg working excessive hours or being a perfectionist and that a high IQ can mask ahdh.

Dark- any progress on your other issue so you can progress you adhd assessment?

Thanks for asking Bob. Actually I do have some news. I had my phone appointment yesterday and they said most of the time low sex drive is hormone related or things like stress or anxiety but they are going to do some blood tests to be sure it's not caused by anything physical.

In the same appointment the doc asked me about my general mental state and I ended up mentioning that I had been planning to ask for a referral for an ADHD assessment. She was pretty helpful and did a questionnaire with me on the phone and agreed to refer me to the local service (waiting list 2 years). Because I hadn't been intending to bring it up I never ended up mentioning right to choose and request that my referral be to psych uk. At least I'll be on the list I guess but am worried I will wait 2 years or more only to be told they can't help me. Not sure I have the energy to request for the referral to be changed now.

Thanks for asking Bob. Actually I do have some news. I had my phone appointment yesterday and they said most of the time low sex drive is hormone related or things like stress or anxiety but they are going to do some blood tests to be sure it's not caused by anything physical.

In the same appointment the doc asked me about my general mental state and I ended up mentioning that I had been planning to ask for a referral for an ADHD assessment. She was pretty helpful and did a questionnaire with me on the phone and agreed to refer me to the local service (waiting list 2 years). Because I hadn't been intending to bring it up I never ended up mentioning right to choose and request that my referral be to psych uk. At least I'll be on the list I guess but am worried I will wait 2 years or more only to be told they can't help me. Not sure I have the energy to request for the referral to be changed now.

I do have some news actually. Had my phone appointment ymaewesterday. They said most of the time lack of sex drive is down to hormones or mental factors like anxiety but they would run some blood tests just to check nothing else was going on. She asked about my general mental state during that call and I found myself mentioning that I was hoping to seek a referral for ADHD assessment. She was reasonably clued up and did an assessment questionnaire over the phone which was useful as I was able to clarify on some things I wasn't sure about and she said she would do the referral no problem.

The only issue is that she said she would refer to the local service which has a waiting list of around 2 years. She did also mention the recent upsurge in people seeking assessment but I think mostly in a explaining the long wait sort of way. I had planned to ask for referral tp Psych UK via right to choose but because I hadn't planned to mention ADHD on the call I was a bit on the back foot and didn't manage to bring it up. Anyway at least I'm on the list I suppose. I am a bit worried that I will wait 2 years (or more) and they'll then turn round and say I don't have it but I'm not sure I can face trying to change the pathway now.

Oh dear, did that really post three times? In my defence my phone had eaten one full post already and I didn't want to write it all out a 3rd time!

Oh dear, did that really post three times? In my defence my phone had eaten one full post already and I didn't want to write it all out a 3rd time!

Argh MN just ate my post. Makes a change from posting more than once!

Great news you've moved forward. You could always drop an email to the surgery and say as you weren't planning on raising it at the appointment you forgot to ask for PUK and can you go via them? I know at the moment it feels like another hoop to go through but think of the dopamine hit you'd get from getting an earlier appointment (This is now my method for achieving anything- how can I wring some dopamine out of it)

I think there is some glitching site-wide Bob. Have noticed a profusion of double posts today.

Good tip on the dopamine! Feel like I will be slightly treading water otherwise even though I will seek to help myself, something about getting that official acknowledgement that I have ADHD feels like it would be really helpful.

I've only had a diagnosis a couple of days but I really do feel it has helped me understand why I do things and how to help. I think I'm hyperfixating on adhd at the moment though so we'll see how long it lasts

I've told my team, current line manager (who is fab) and my old line manager who was enormously influential on my career. All of them have gone "Yup, that sounds about right".

Interestingly work are about to start some work on supporting neurodiversity so that'll be interesting.

Darkdarkdeeds

We were told years by our gp.
However if everything had gone according to plan it would have been 4 months. As it is, it is going to be 5/6 months. From GPs appointment to full assessment.

Well done dark that sounds great - one more step forwards! I have decided that even if I don’t get an official diagnosis then I am still going to use all this information to help me make sense of the way my mind works. Yes I am absolutely useless at coursework and ace my exams. I am studying again now (spontaneous complete career change - as you do ) and I am in a constant stew of toxic stress as it is very coursework/practice based. It is killing me! I put everything off until the very last moment but as soon as there’s an emergency I’m on it! God this is knackering!!

Yes I totally identify with being good in an emergency! It’s like everything becomes clear.

Just hopping in to say hi, as have been following this thread but my imposter syndrome properly kicked in so I didn't post. Was diagnosed last week and reacted really weirdly given it wasn't a surprise at all.

OP you can email your doctor's surgery - this is what I did ahead of my appt, with the right to choose info and the supporting scale thingy. When my GP called me back she said she hadn't come across this but was happy to use it instead of the standard NHS referral she'd intended, and it was two months from GP appt to assessment - I'm now waiting on official letter and possibly starting meds.

Second the group mentioned above, they've been fantastic support before diagnosis so don't feel you have to fit a certain template to join. Exploring the possibility is enough :)

@CorCordium exactly that! It's like everything suddenly becomes so simple. Normally I overthink everything but in a crisis I can see why needs to be done without any "what ifs".

@hilariousnamehere I had the same imposter syndrome. My lovely friend talked me out of my panic that I'd over stated my symptoms

Does anyone else have sensory issues? I've realised I need to lose weight but I have a very limited number of foods I will eat so am struggling how to do a diet.

I've got an initial GP appointment tomorrow and feel really nervous 😬 Can anyone share tips on what I should say or ask for?? I've read about right to choose but it seems really overwhelming and panicked me a bit. And would that have to then be P-UK which I've heard has some issues lately? Or somewhere/one else, but then who??

Sorry for all the questions 😣 I feel like my brain is full of fluff.

Hi eyedrops- I can't answer about a gp cos I went straight to PUK. I knew if I had to go via my gp I would never get round to it.

One thing I would say, is that if you have coping mechanisms you explain that. Eg I'm never late for something but I'll be there ridiculously early and can't concentrate on anything beforehand. So maybe do a screening questionnaire and talk that through with your gp?

Good luck for your appointment Eye. I don't think there's one right way to approach things. I had really built in up in my mind and when it happened it went differently to what I expected but it was fine.

It may be helpful to bear in mind what it is that you want out of this appointment - referral for assessment (I assume). You might find as I did, given the recent upsurge in people requesting assessment, that they are quite aware of the referral process. Making some bullet pointsnof your main challenges/symptoms which have led to you wanting to investigate further might help you remember things in the moment if your mind tends to go blank.

Let us know how you get on!

Darkdarkdeeds, I read your post when you first posted but came back to it. I identify so much with most of what you experience and am shocked there are people like me in this world. I will try and seek some diagnosis or help but oh it has stolen so much of my life. So much

@Darkdarkdeeds I haven't read the whole thread yet, but you could be describing my life, right down to the 2:2. I spent most of my youth being told by my mother that I wasn't working hard enough with school etc. No, sorry to be a perpetual disappointment, but this is actually me trying really hard. I am in my mid forties and still feel like I never received the instructions that everyone else did about having their shit together. My apartment is currently a huge mess and I can't stand it, but fucked if I can tear myself away from surfing the internet.

@HelpfulBelle, I also chose the wrong degree, but that's what happens when your inspiration for what to study comes from liking Penelope Wilton's character on 'Screaming' I guess. In my early thirties I retrained in a vocational subject and sailed through because I was interested in it and it came naturally to me.