I don't have ADHD, so what the hell wrong with me?

[Darkdarkdeeds]

I will try to keep this short. I am 41 and pretty much a walking disaster area. Chronically disorganised, messy, always end up stressed and overworked in jobs owing to being disorganised and not being able to manage my time, always end up having to spend extra money on postage etc because I haven't allowed enough time for mailing a present for example, got a 2:2 in my degree despite being very academically able because I just couldn't get my shit together. The list goes on.

I have some traits of inattentive ADHD, and I'll admit, I was hoping that would give me some answers as to why I am so useless. My gut feeling though is that I don't have it. Some aspects definitely don't fit me, I am very rarely late to appointments or forget them as long as they are in my diary. I am more likely to be early as I overestimate the time it will take to get somewhere and feel incredibly anxious about being late. I don't think I struggle with following instructions either. In a way I can be organised, I have set up a thousand different systems, each time thinking this will be the one which keeps me on track, only for it to fall by the wayside within days or weeks. I am very detail oriented and if anything get overly bogged down in details to the point of inaction.

I feel so ashamed that I am so useless as a human being that I would almost wish to have a disorder/condition many people struggle with. Does anyone out there feel the same? Have you found any strategies which have helped?

I am in the incredibly fortunate position that I fell in love with someone who has his shit together. He has a tendency towards mess which isn't ideal but he doesn't really care, whereas my inability to keep things tidy is a source of anxiety and shame to me. We have a lovely house thanks to DH's job, financially I have contributed very little, even less since I was made redundant. I have somehow managed to avoid being fired ever despite really struggling work wise. I have tended to compensate by working ridiculous hours/weekends etc to try to keep my head above water.

I don't really know why I am posting, maybe in the hope that someone will tell me I'm not just a failure. I have 2 children and I am terrified that they will grow up like me or not fulfill their potential because of my inability to be organised. My mum and dad are both incredibly together as are my sisters so I'm this weird black sheep of the family.

Anyway thank you if you somehow waded through that brain dump and still more if you have any suggestions or even just reply.

Dyslexia? The basic trait all dyslexics have is a poor short term working memory which makes it hard to organise things in your head like nt people can. This spills out into disorganisation in your everyday life leading to feeling constantly overwhelmed. Some dyslexics are fine with reading and writing (or don’t realise they’re doing it differently to others having invented their own work-arounds).

@grumpyhetty

www.verywellmind.com/add-symptoms-in-women-20394 ADHD presents differently in women

That’s an excellent article.

I think what recently brought it home to us is watching a bit of gogglebox. I was amazed that people stay that still in front of the tv.
If we are together watching tv no one will sit and watch something for the whole programme. Dh has his own tv room as he can’t stand watching tv with us.
We tend to get up and dance if some background music comes on or walk about or decide to do some sort of exercise in the middle of an intense scene, go and get a drink go on our phones.
I don’t think we could sit and watch a programme all the way though sat still, doing nothing but watching the tv.
If we are watching something with adverts then come the adverts we are looking for something else

A follow on from dds admin mix up.
It gets worse. Apparently I was supposed to have my face to face assessment today.
Got a call this morning to ask where I was.

The appointment letter was apparently sent out in February.

I did question that as the appointment is supposed to be made once the form had been returned and I didn’t return my form until March how did they manage to book my face to face appointment in February
without having the form

Asked if they did actually have my form as yesterday they said they didn’t know where it was.

No they don’t have my form.
Another is being sent.

Then I posed the question. If they didn’t have my form and the face to face meeting was to discuss the answers I had put on my form what were we supposed to be discussing.

New form being sent out and have to start again from beginning.

Really really pissed off now.🤬🤬🤬

And on top of that Dh has cataracts. After waiting years he had finally got someone to do something about them.
I have been running him around for nearly 2 years as he can’t drive. He can barely see either,
He had the first eye done a couple of months ago. All great huge success.
He had an appointment to have his 2nd eye done yesterday. Spent weeks gearing himself up for it as he hates anything to do with his eyes.
Arrived only to be told that his appointment had been cancelled because he had moved out of the area.
Dh said he was stood there saying he hasn’t. He still lives at the same address. The receptionist was saying he had moved to Brixton.
Now he has to wait again for another appointment.
We used to go private to avoid this mess and get stuff done but can’t afford it anymore.

The doctors and nurses of the NHS might be great but the admin and systems it adheres to is shocking.

Sorry for hijacking this thread. Feeling really angry at the world as I feel all the waiting (which I hate) is just getting longer and longer because of other peoples fuck ups

Millpond how utterly frustrating and unfair. Mental energy is low today so a brief reply but didn't want to leave you unanswered.

Darkdarkdeeds thank you. And sorry for hijacking this thread.
I wasn’t feeling to bad this morning and now I am absolutely raging.

Oh don't be silly, if it helps to vent then please do! Plus it might distract me from the fact that I still haven't even contacted my GP yet. They have a new online system and all the steps to booking are putting me off!

I hate new systems.

Every time companies/nhs update their systems it seems to up the amount of irritation and work to get what you used to get perfectly easily before. I have a credit card that I now can’t get to see where I am up to online as they have made it so complicated to get into online banking
Even when you call and they talk you through what to do it never works

I have recently been prescribed antihistamines. Phoned up for a repeat prescription and was told in order to get a repeat prescription I have to go into the pharmacist and order from there.
The chemist is in a row of shops that the council has decided during Covid lockdown to put large planters in the parking spaces so parking is so reduced that if you really do have to visit one of the shops it can take you 45 minutes to get a parking space.

I can feel my anger rising and I swear if anyone decides to annoy me I am likely to explode.

www.thedyslexia-spldtrust.org.uk/media/downloads/95-primary-combined-checklist_primary.pdf

This is a useful checklist that shows some of the characteristics associated with different specific learning difficulties.

Although it is designed for children it might be useful to look at as these difficulties are developmental so you may recognise some of these aspects from your childhood or now

Tentatively poking my head in here ...

@Darkdarkdeeds, I'm in the same position as you and could have written your post and many others on this thread. I have also just realised or begun to suspect I have ADHD and don't know where to go next.

I was on Twitter the other night and saw a post about adult ADHD and it was like a blinding light. Everything they were talking about was a symptom I could relate to. I've been crying ever since - mainly because it feels a though I've finally found what's 'wrong' with me, and that I maybe, maybe might not just be 'crap at life'.

I've been looking into how to get a diagnosis and like you, I'm terrified. Of moving forward with this, of telling DH (who has his own MH issues), but most of all of not getting a referral.

I have an overwhelming sense of shame that I have let my kids down and wasted so many opportunities in my life. I'm 55 now and I don't want to waste any more time.

I'm also not sure about which route to take. GP seems the most logical first step, but a lot of people have advised going the Psychiatry UK/right to choose route first. I'm a bit confused and overwhelmed. I don't think private is an option for various reasons (I could possibly afford it short term but it's complicated).

I think I'm going to contact the GP on Monday, with the Psychiatry UK form and there's a letter you can download. But I'm dithering.

Because taking action is never easy, right?!

Here to offer my support and maybe we can do this together.

Fwiw we went down the GP route and was told it would take years

If the admin hadn’t cocked up our final appointments it would have taken just over 3 months.

Adult ADHD assessment. Does anyone have any experience with this?
I have managed to get a doctor to make me a referral for ADHD. I am 42.
However she says before she can refer me I have to have a blood test, An ECG and check my BMI.
Is this normal to get done before an ADHD assessment and what purpose is it for?

Hi @Lovelovelove21 I didn’t have that before my referral but I did have them after diagnosis before I could get medication. I need the ECG yearly now I think (and had to have an extra one before changing meds)

@SingToTheSky

Hi *@Lovelovelove21* I didn’t have that before my referral but I did have them after diagnosis before I could get medication. I need the ECG yearly now I think (and had to have an extra one before changing meds)

Does the medication affect your heart?

It can do yes. I think it can have an effect on heart rate and blood pressure. Because it’s a controlled drug and a stimulant they have to be cautious.

I found that concerta gave me palpitations even though other brands of the same type (methylphenidate slow release) didn’t, due to the way it’s released or something apparently. But I do have a condition called postural tachycardia so I know I’m more vulnerable to side effects like that.

I'm so glad to have found this thread, OP. I started a similar one on Tuesday www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/4224348-I-strongly-suspect-I-have-ADD-ADHD-is-it-worth-trying-to-get-a-formal-diagnosis-as-an-adult and have been thinking about making an econsult appointment with the doctor. Going to go back and RTWT now - just caught sight of the thing about people with ADHD being calm in a crisis. didn't realise that was a thing but it's me all over. Can't get out of the bloody house in the morning or will put off taking the gas meter readings for a month but if there's an A&E situation I'm generally really well equipped. I've always put it down to just needing really firm deadlines (and an actual emergency is the firmest deadline ever). But the day-to-day business of making progress with long term goals absolutely defeats me.

@LosingItRapidly just read your post - in a v similar situation (see thread link above) and don't feel I can talk to DH or others in real life about it yet. Do let us know how you get on with taking steps towards diagnosis. Might follow your lead and aim for Monday to make first contact with the doctor.

Did I write this?? I'm 44 and you've described me. I'm just a disaster of a person. Messy, distractable or hyperfocussed (No middle ground) , utterly unable to get myself together and organised. Have to have diary reminders and checklists to make sure stuff happens. Even then it's no guarantee.
I'm wondering if adhd is my issue too - I've always daydreamed a lot and suffered from nervous energy, talkative with no off button and terrible at interrupting ((drives DH mad). Either late or stupidly early. Cannot function with too much noise around me (DH hates it When I don't have the radio on )
DH thinks I am autistic but I don't find people hard to read - if anything I'm very good at reading moods, intentions and suggests.

Every time companies/nhs update their systems it seems to up the amount of irritation and work to get what you used to get perfectly easily before. I have a credit card that I now can’t get to see where I am up to online as they have made it so complicated to get into online banking
I swear that there are people who stay in jobs just to keep changing things.

Dipping my hand in here as I've recently been diagnosed via Psychiatry UK with ADHD combined type, suspected ASD (I've been referred), and they threw in Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder for fun too!

There's a 11 - 12 week wait for meds and I'm really struggling to know what to do in this limbo between diagnosis and medication. It's odd because I quietly self diagnosed about 18-24 months ago and it's only very recently that official diagnosis seemed important, but I'm finding it difficult now it's 'real' and feel like everything is on hold.

I guess this is a long way of trying to say that if you are thinking of going privately, I would check what the waiting times are and what support you have to get through that time.

To those asking about ECGs and blood tests, I've not been asked for them but I have to give them my weight and blood pressure. I can do it myself and the Dr advised me to buy a blood pressure monitor.

What lifestyle advice is recommended and what if any has made a difference for you?

Does anyone know anyone who is on top of it - or does having a diagnosis and some coping strategies just give you enough relief from the fact that its not anything worse / you are ND so not an actual failure ?

11 week wait privately for meds, Jenny? Really?

I've got an assessment with Psych UK coming up and had hoped that I'd be ale to access the nurse quickly.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria yup, that's what my letter says, it's really disappointing. I think I'm going to have to beg to be seen faster, I would have gone elsewhere if I'd known it would be so long.

Just checking back in having seen some new posts. I am still going through cycles of thinking I will pursue a diagnosis or not. If I did it would mainly be for my own validation and understanding of myself rather than for medication at this stage.

One of the things that is making me hesitate about seeking diagnosis, especially via the right to choose route is that I already have imposter syndrome about self-diagnosing and I read from someone who both has ADHD and is involved in an ADHD support service, that the thresholds for current diagnosis via the RTC providers are lower than for the local services. So some of those who are now being diagnosed would have previously been considered to have subclinical level ADHD traits and not eligible for treatment. I am probably being weird about it and overthinking though, maybe the threshold was too high before and more people getting help has to be a good thing.