Emotional (dis)regulation thread for expression strong emotions and supporting each other

[erinaceus]

Inspired by a few threads on the MH boards and elsewhere on MN, this thread is:

• A safe space to express strong or overwhelming emotions;
• Somewhere where MNers can support MNers who are experiencing strong or overwhelming emotions;
• We can share strategies for coping with strong or overwhelming emotions. Healthy strategies preferred, but bearing in mind that what is healthy for one poster might not be healthy for another poster.

to everyone who knows what I mean.

Glad the sort of crisis team were useful erin. I've just been discharged from crisis team (yay) as I've been ok for the majority of the past week and a bit. It's like someone switched something in my head. I don't get it; I don't understand how things can change from being so bleak and awful to being ok. But I'm not knocking it- I just can't recognise myself in my recent past behaviour, like I couldn't recognise that I was ever 'ok' when I was in the pit of despair. A couple of weeks ago I couldn't understand how everyone else could get on with the process of existing- like everyone else knew some secret as to the point of existence that I didn't, but now, it doesn't matter- it's ok to just 'be' (most of the time anyway).

I was fortunate that the crisis team were actually good in a crisis…and it was so helpful having people that had known me before, who could, with confidence, say that they had seen me 'better' before, and that it could happen again, as I didn't believe it at all.

Congratulations(?) on being discharged by the crisis team. Is that what one says? Should we make a line of cards? Did someone rubber-stamp "NO CRISIS" on my notes after I met with them on the weekend?

I do know people whom I met as service users, who also worked in services. I do not know how they do it, it makes my head spin. Me, I will stay my side of the line.

Take care today dangermouseisace.

I'm glad some of you are having fairly reasonable experiences of crisis/not quite crisis care. It's so variable and often the wrong way round with services only available once you are doing far gone it's hard to get back. Really sad some of you are having really hard times.

Thsnks for the support for the yoga cry. I wasn't much bothered about crying in public. I do a fair bit of public weeping and am fairly immune to embarrassment on that score. It's just quiet weeping - people generally let you get on with that.

I stopped statins 2 days ago and am starting to feel better. Less buzzy blank and numb. Maybe starting them in conjunction with father visit was too much. I'm surprised sometimes how much of this is chemical with me. I think it combines with my childhood but some is really influenced by chemicals. Im hoping with some switching of brands plus better timing I can be on statins without being so low.

It's so variable and often the wrong way round with services only available once you are doing far gone it's hard to get back.

I was talking about this with someone today. How one has to be in a physical crisis of some sort in order to get support for a mental health crisis. That is how it seems to me, anyway.

re ^ I agree that is what normally happens. I think this time I just happened to have 2 bad episodes within 6 months which meant I was still in the system.

Things are still going ok not being depressed just occasionally over anxious for absolutely no reason at all, but generally getting lots of 'stuff' done.

How is everyone else?

That sounds better than before Dangermouse.

I've been back to coping badly the last couple of weeks which is disappointing. But one day at a time and tonight I'm OK. So that's good.

Hope everyone else is ok.

sorry things haven't been going so well anna. Glad things are ok tonight- it's important to hold onto those times as more will come fingers crossed

I'm okay. It's a difficult weekend this weekend so lots of distraction needed, but I do know why, it's not that unrelenting unexplainable depression of the subtle grey fog sort.

It's very one-day-at-a-time at the moment though.

I've only read a bit of this thread but I think I may have found my people.

I've tried talking therapy both private and nhs and it just doesn't work partly because I don't trust them not to think I'm a pathetic idiot and also because I just don't know what to say.

If it's ok I'll come and ramble here another time.

SallyVating Welcome. This is a good place for you. I think it is upthread, where I explain that I worked my way through and out of talking therapy. My current therapist - not talking therapy but a more creative sort of therapy - says that this can happen. If you are articulate (like I am) and not connected to your emotions you can talk and talk and talk and not get anywhere emotionally. That happened to me in the end.

So yes, come here and rant away. This morning I am hiding from my emotions by answering other people's posts on MN. I am staying somewhere that is not my home and having a cup of coffee at the moment, I am v hungry but not sure that helping myself to a piece of toast before everyone else gets up is considered kosher in this household. Hmm.

ericaceous that puts it in a nutshell being able to talk and talk and get nowhere. I did group therapy once and got lambasted by the group for not telling them how I felt - because I don't do emotions either.
I've had a bad weekend - got as far as voluntarily offering to go into hospital for few days but they have no beds. Not sure if that is true or I am too much trouble in hospital!
Crisis team coming out this pm so should be interesting.
I just feel I need to get away somewhere (where I wont be able to stay in bed all day) get my head straight and start to plan a bit ...
SallyVating I have found this is a good, supportive place to be to ramble on

Intrigued by the talking and getting nowhere/being disconnected fro the emotions thing. I know what you mean - it's a sort of self-defence thing because the emotions are too overwhelming/painful. What I find odd is that IME the mental health services encourage/prefer this. They seemed to want me to be detached and analytical, whereas the private therapist was appalled saying I needed to feel stuff and stop analysing! NHS therpist, after assessment (CAT therapist) wrote something like "Once is unable to tolerate anything but a contained caring response". I was not allowed therapy. It seemed strange because I thought that was precisely what people needed when opening up about deeply personal and painful things. Before they are ready to move onto the next stage of therapy. I've never told anyone that was written about me because it makes me feel like I'm so crap I'm not deserving of help or kindness.

Once I don't know a great deal about the mental health system but it feels sensible to me that kindness is an appropriate response until someone feels ready to deal with things. Of course you deserve help and kindness. Its terrible that you've been treated otherwise.

Angry today. Work-related. I am home now. Phew.

Can I join in?

I am lonely. I am in a pit of despair and ideally I want someone to listen to me moan about stuff. I am running out of friends with my behaviour. I am already on ADs and I darent seek more help because I cannot tell H and I am scared they will take DD.
I have started self harming again.

Yes, justine, welcome to the thread. I am sorry to hear that you are in a pit of despair. I remember being in a pit similar to that. It was quite alarming, at the time.

Sending

Thank you!

It's horrible, just having to try to carry on. I just want to crumble, or run away.

Mainly for some attention, a cry for help. Of course I cannot do any of those things because my DD is my world.
It doesn't stop me being needy to those around me, and being downright selfish and spoiled.

I am at the stage where I want the world to know my suffering, however it's so so unwise to spill.

However, good things. I took DD to playgroup and fixed a smile on my face. Did all the laundry and put it away.

Made dinner, OK it was only fish fingers and chips but still.

Bad things... Accused a friend of not wanting to be loyal to me over a break up of a different friendship. (The catalyst for this bout of misery)

Wrote an email to the person who has fallen out with me, they have blocked all other forms of contact and do not want to hear from me.

The fall out is entirely my own fault for being too needy.

Didn't manage to eat any of the said fish fingers and chips.

justine sorry things are difficult. Well done for getting laundry done though. DS1 very excitedly told me that he had a great idea tonight. We need to buy more laundry bins! Because we each have one and he couldn't find any space to out his worn school uniform.

Hope I'm not belittling your pain. No advice to offer up but happy to listen.

I've been trying to work out how you are meant to feel bad feelings, or if you are meant to. I realised at the weekend that my worst moments happen when I start to feel overwhelmed by bad feelings. I can't cope and shut them down. Sometimes in an unhealthy way. I tried reading some online psychology stuff all around "feeling" your emotions. I often find phrases are thrown out without any explanation of you to do this.

I can't really figure it. How do I go about allowing the bad feelings. Although my counsellor explained denial as a coping mechanism and one she thinks has served me well, helping me survive.

Bless you DS! He has the right idea.

Hope I'm not belittling your pain. No advice to offer up but happy to listen.

Yes! This, me too. When you are so overwhelmed it's just good to know that you aren't alone. I haven't a clue about coping mechanism apart from self harm. How on earth are you meant to feel your emotion when it is so painful you cannot deal with it?

If denial works, use it I say. Even if it is bad. Now I can no longer go into self destruct mode, survival is what we need to do for our babies if anything else.

My coping mechanisms include copious amounts of humour. I have tried all sorts but never self-harm. It just sounds so frightening! I want to say, j hope that you can stop it soon, but I fear I will only come across as unempathetic, which I am not. It is more that I don't understand it. It looks both horrible and from what I can see very very difficult to stop once you start doing it.

Somewhere upthread there is a list of someone's coping mechanisms. I seem to remember I added my own to the list. But that might have been on another thread. I'm not sure.

I do not think that one is supposed to feel anything. I expressed a feeling once and asked someone, ooh, I expressed a feeling, do I get a rosette or something?

That's the humour thing. It helps me, but it does not always come across quite so well in writing.

well done justine for playgroup and washing. I hate putting away washing..

Friendships are tough- especially if someone who you were friends with blocked contact. I've had that recently- it's just well..weird.

I agree that sometimes we have to do anything to survive but I hope that simply by surviving I might learn how to cope better along the way (hahahahahaha yeah right says the depressed part of me).

I hope so too. Albeit I love picking at scabs too.
Humour sounds good. I have been told I have an odd sense of humour. You could teach me a thing or two.

Just talking to people without judgement helps.

And dangermouse Yes! But I cheat. Three loads. One for each of us each week. All gets shoved in and then tumble dried then slung on hangers. My mum is mortified.

And one day we will do more than survive. I promise, I just don't know how yet.

I tend to think of surviving as quite good. As in, when someone asks, "how are you?", and I reply, airily, "oh, surviving", and they express concern, I don't feel concerned. Surviving is better than some other ways I have been.

I love doing laundry. I find it soothing. I get quite territorial about it when DH intervenes.

Being cut off in terms of contact is horrible, especially when you want to carry on communicating with the other person. I found letting go of people who have cut contact with me to be essentially not possible. I am hoping that time will help, one way or another. It is a really nasty thing to do to someone though.

I hope that you are okay today. I have a lot going on and I am doing my best not to take it out on my work colleagues. I am not sure that I am succeeding, but I am doing my best, which is all I can do, really.

I found letting go of people who have cut contact with me to be essentially not possible are you me?
Totally get that. In my case I am difficult and demanding so understand why. I just can't accept it.

Hope you have an OK day at work? Hopefully it'll be warmish so you can go out at lunch. When I worked I used to go to costa and sit with a coffee and my phone for an hour. I miss it a bit.

DD and I are in morrisons cafe after shopping. Naptime soon and I am going to try not to cry when I have got her to sleep.

I am not difficult nor demanding, so, no, I am not you, I suppose.

Going outside is a good one. I do that sometimes, I feel overwhelmed.

Why do you try not to cry? Is there a reason?