Emotional (dis)regulation thread for expression strong emotions and supporting each other

[erinaceus]

Inspired by a few threads on the MH boards and elsewhere on MN, this thread is:

• A safe space to express strong or overwhelming emotions;
• Somewhere where MNers can support MNers who are experiencing strong or overwhelming emotions;
• We can share strategies for coping with strong or overwhelming emotions. Healthy strategies preferred, but bearing in mind that what is healthy for one poster might not be healthy for another poster.

to everyone who knows what I mean.

Indeed. There was I time when I could not be distracted; now I can be distracted. The transition between one and the other, though, is imperfect and can of itself be jarring.

The shaking has started to come back. I remember the shaking from before. I hope that it can be managed better this time around.

How are you erin?

Physical pain is bad, has led to a depressive episode which led to me picking a large amount of skin off my face. DH very upset, seeing psychiatrist (whom I despise) at Tuesday at 9. Sigh.

I can distract, but my whle life has become one long distarction coping mechnism. It can't go on forever. I pretend it's ok but inside I'm closer to the end. I can't bear this. Day after day, week after week, with nowhere to turn or anyone to even have a laugh with. I "made do" with friends for years, people I could have fun with but not really similar, but most were male and actually quite controlling as it turned out. Others moved abroad. I haven't had a proper friend for years and just want to die now. I don't have a partner either. Im a failure.
sorry

sorry I didnt mean to write all that it just came out. I cant ask for help btw cos they treat me like scum and it will tip me over right now.

Oh, Once. Not true! If you're a failure, i'm a failure because I'm still keeping up the pretence of 'friends.' Feel very alone in a room full of people.

Once I once got angry at people who described people in my position as failures. Success is yours to define. There are some days which are a success because I get through them, like, today, maybe, if the sun ever goes down.

I tried to write a reply to several posters but I can't. I think I said this to Once before on a different thread - I really worry about what I say to others being unhelpful when I relate to certain feelings being expressed. So I'll just settle for saying that I'm sorry for the shit feelings and that life can be crap.
Tonight is my worst night of the week and I am half way through a bottle of wine. Least bad option in terms of how to cope.

Sounds like today has been Universally Shite for All. Commiserations fellow not feeling very positive people

Does anyone else suffer from crippling, manic insomnia? this is a largely 'ignored' issue in my life as no one can work out why.

It is crippling I have not slept in two days, and know by this stage I'll vomit by tomorrow morning and pass out at some point, late afternoon for a few hours, get a few hours of deep, beautiful, wonderful rest then back to awful sleeping that same night.

DH is at work and DC are with their grandparents, but I know DH will be very upset. Not upset at me, but he fucking freaks out when I don't sleep and get lots of weird nervous energy.

That is very true erin, and I normally scrape by on thoughts like that. Just every now and then it hits me how un-normal my life is. Like if I haven't left the flat that day, or realise it's gone midnight and I've not showered... Also when it's week after week, month after month, and you're the only one telling yourself you're doing well, without even any basic positive feedback (eg. people wanting to be in your company) then there's a point you just feel delusional for ever having hope.

I also think I am going bonkers and forgetting how to interact with people becase I literally have very little human contact. The only chance of socialisig I have is to go to events where I'm aquainted with a hell of a lot of people, a few of whom really don't like me (and others who vaguely take sides) and it's just... no. I miss going out actually with people and walking home together and stuff. I went on an exciting holiday earlier in the year and it was great just meeting people, connecting, falling about laughing over silly convoluted in-jokes. Meh.

My family are my only real friends Once aka children and husband. It's simply too difficult connecting with other people, and I wonder if I'm really good enough to be a wife and mother. It would have been so much easier to never have married.

Also, a problem I have with group gatherings is that I attract men when I'm being all sociable. Often slightly dodgy/red flag waving men tbh. It's really frustrating when I just want to make friends.

Of course you're good enough Special. What makes you think it would be easier not to have married?

SpecialAgentSpartacusRoars Thanks. I am okay. I remember the shaking from before. Then I did not understand it. Now, I understand it and have medication that I can take and so on. It is just frightening.

I hope that your physical pain eases.

Once keep going. Sometimes that is all you can do.

Because having a family eeqyuire's a huge amount of social upkeep. I cannot deny my children lives because I find it exhausting and scary.

Require's... Touch tying at its finest!

specialagent I used to have what I would call pretty debilitating insomnia. It was worse when v depressed as I generally get very edgy. I would feel permanently tired during the day but at the same time jittering about the place. When exDH was at home I used to go out and walk/drive about as it felt like the walls were caving in. Or clean the kitchen. Going onto mirtazapine seems to have sorted that out- I now get at least 2 hours proper sleep in one go a night. However, it means that if I don't get that because a child has kept me up I am completely useless the next day…old me would be wired. Today I am zombie woman…uuuuurrrrghhhh

and hello happy Saturday everyone apologies for brain mush.

well today's overwhelming feeling for me personally is that my life is over, it's just that my body hasn't caught up with my brain. I'm not feeling like ending it all. I couldn't be bothered! But I feel that my life has had a beginning, a middle, and a finish and the finish should be now. I've got nothing left to say to anyone, nothing left to do…my abilities to parent have gone down the pan so the kids are with their dad at the moment…I don't have a job…my marriage has failed...I cannot be bothered to socialise as I'm not feeling at all sociable. It just feels like everything has come to a dead end. I hope that maybe tomorrow I don't feel like this as it is pretty shite. I feel that I was happy once, but that was long ago, and that optimistic person has gone.

Oh Dangermouse, it's not good is it. I'm so sorry.

Sat here alone in similar circs but DC are just on regular contact with ex. Its all very new for me. I can't know how you feel but I get it a little. I can't seem to find a way to be happy again.

I feel like such a fuck up. I have nothing. No one.

to everyone.

I think anna that what it is, that single motherhood is shite in a way that no-one can possibly imagine when things are ok and they have a partner and they're going down the baby route. Because no-one in their right mind would say how things can really get as no-one wants to admit to that.

to you too and have some and while you're at it

I PMd you not so long ago about another thread. It feels duplicitous not to say that. I am just taking extra precautions posting with NCs.

I have had at lunch today and have spent afternoon napping. Not the productive day I was aiming for.

I can see why it is so easy to get ripped to shreds on here! Productive days are over rated. Napping is a luxury so should be duly savoured as Good Thing to do!