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Mental health

Emotional (dis)regulation thread for expression strong emotions and supporting each other

238 replies

erinaceus · 20/08/2016 06:49

Inspired by a few threads on the MH boards and elsewhere on MN, this thread is:

  • A safe space to express strong or overwhelming emotions;
  • Somewhere where MNers can support MNers who are experiencing strong or overwhelming emotions;
  • We can share strategies for coping with strong or overwhelming emotions. Healthy strategies preferred, but bearing in mind that what is healthy for one poster might not be healthy for another poster.

    Flowers to everyone who knows what I mean.
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justinelibertine · 20/09/2016 17:20

Good to hear you aren't me. Wouldn't wish on anyone.

Crying makes me worse tbh. Tired and puffy.

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erinaceus · 20/09/2016 17:33

Indeed. I tend to find it reassuring, when I realise that I am separate from someone else.

Did your DD have a nap?

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justinelibertine · 20/09/2016 18:57

She did. Hooray! I need that hour and a bit so much.

How was work?

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erinaceus · 20/09/2016 19:30

Work was not as bad as I expected. I managed to clear a few items off my to-do list, and suddenly feel as if I have some breathing space. I am out of the office for a couple of days now, working from home then at an all-day event. The change of scene and pace are probably for the best. I suspect that my work colleagues will be grateful that I am not physically present, even if they are not aware of it. I find it hard to be motivated when I am working from home, but sometimes, I just need to be a bit less motivated, because I tend to push myself to hard and then sort of crash out. There is definitely a pattern there.

I can imagine needing some space, when you have a child the age where they are still so dependent. I am glad to hear that she napped okay and that you could have a bit of time.

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dangermouseisace · 21/09/2016 22:39

glad work went ok erin. Sounds like you have a busy time at work even though you say its a change of pace.

I get the pushing too hard thing. I had a frustrating conversation with someone recently who thought my recent dip was due to a lack of things to do (currently not working). Not that the not working was due to a lack of mental and physical ability to do so- also actually not having enough time in recent months due to being a single parent being made homeless/moving to a property that needed a lot of stuff done to it. Doing too much on adrenaline and then being completely spent (medical opinion) rather than getting depressed because my mind wasn't occupied Hmm

There's all this stuff about depression/anxiety in the media/books but I find that none of it relates to my life! It's all 'oh I got better by reading books' (the words spin about after about 2 paragraphs) or by doing exercise or mindfulness or yoga not 'my mood plummeted after a sustained period where my concentration/sleep/cognitive abilities gradually decreased and I had to take a shitload of drugs and a have lot of support to get back to feeling anywhere near normal'. It makes me quite cross as it gives the wrong impression that there are always simple everyday solutions to depression and that there those that take medication etc are just plain lazy.

But but but things are still going well. My house is a tip as I haven't quite got that in hand yet but doing lots of positive stuff and enjoying spending time with the kids, rather than being wracked with anxiety and having to hide from them. I still can't get over the change from a couple of weeks ago. I've started to do some work related activity as well but as opposed to the 'lazy' insinuation above get told by the MH team not to overcommit myself haha!

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erinaceus · 23/09/2016 07:31

Yes, work has been busy at the moment. I am glad that it is the end of the week today.

I do agree that sometimes some mainstream media articles about depression and anxiety can be frustrating; on the other hand, you never know what might be helpful. Sometimes you might just get an idea. I try to remember that depression and anxiety affect people in all sorts of ways and that some people find mindfulness or yoga helpful and that is great. I have never had the impression that people who take medication are lazy. I have had people who do not agree with it or find it quite frightening but I do not think of medication as the easy route. I do not think that there is an easy route, not really.

When you say work related activity does that mean volunteering or studying or something like that, or filling in job application forms? I recognise the phrase from benefits and things but I always thought it a slightly sinister way to put something that should be positive, in as much as, having some sort of occupation might be a positive thing, whatever it is that you are doing. I do think of my job as occupational therapy, sometimes.

Take care.

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LadyDeadpool · 25/09/2016 21:49

Can I join please? I'm feeling a little lost and a lot overwhelmed since my group therapy finished and I'm really not coping under the weight of my own emotions. I can't even drag myself out of bed right now. Just a huge burden on everyone.

I just want to be the parent my kids deserve and the wife my husband deserves.

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erinaceus · 26/09/2016 06:25

Hi LadyDeadpool and welcome to the thread. I understand the not able to drag yourself out of bed feeling. It sounds as if your group therapy was something that helped you. Maybe in some small way we can help you too? Who knows?

Yesterday I had one of those "last straw" moments where I felt as if I was just about hanging on by a thread and then I misplaced something (a physical thing, not my mind, or a small child, or something). I called my DH in tears. Then someone called me to say they had the thing and I just feel so unsteady that it felt like an emotional rollercoaster, even though it was not a particularly dramatic situation.

At the end of this week I am going to stay with a good friend who I have known for many years. I hope that that will give me a bit of space from it all because these past weeks have been a bit overwhelming.

In other news, I slept well last night, which is good!

Take care everybody.

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erinaceus · 27/09/2016 07:55

Feeling fragile these past few days. I have become short-tempered with some people who consistently say things that upset me. This is out-of-character for me. I am usually able to smile and nod, and think, it's them, not me. I am so up to the eyeballs with other stuff, that small things that I would usually let slide are setting me off.

Or, I have decided not to be a doormat. I feel as if I have lost all perspective on which is which. Confused

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dangermouseisace · 27/09/2016 10:20

Hi ladydeadpool. How is the week going?

hello erin sounds like you having a emotionally busy week. It's fair enough to not be a doormat and it is ok to feel cross. Have you been letting people know what they are doing that causes you to feel upset?

I've been continuing to be ok and have started trying to clean/tidy my house, which got out of control with being unwell. Yesterday I evicted all the gone off stuff from the fridge before it started to walk out.

However, I've received a face to face health assessment letter from the DWP this morning so now I'm anxious. I am very keen to work but need to actually be able to cope with the day to day routines of basic living first. I'm a bit worried that being anxious about the face to face assessment will knock my recent ok-ness right off it's perch, or that I will be seen and I'll be like I am now, and they'll say I should just get a job- now! Prior to the letter I'd asked to be referred to the MH employment support service with a view to preparing for/getting into work…I'm just worried the DWP might think screw the gentle supported option off you go!

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willowcatkin111 · 27/09/2016 14:09

I am so cross atm
Someone posted on Facebook that it was 'selfish' to have children if mentally ill and such woman should have their tubes tied until they 'got over it'
I know I should not react so strongly but this really upset me - particularly as person in question has a fair amount to do with dd who suffers enough from the consequences of my MH without other people spouting crap
Bad enough day as it is - cannot summon up the strength to get out of bed yet despite having loads to do today Sad

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OnceThereWasThisGirlWho · 27/09/2016 18:58

It's selfish to have children if you're a judgemental twat with no ability to empathise who will likely never "get over it".

Flowers

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dangermouseisace · 27/09/2016 20:53

agree with once

At least if you have MH problems you are going to either 'get over it' or have better periods as well as bad ones. Less hope for people who are nasty and don't have the insight to see that they are- what sort of emotional damage are they going to be inflicting on their children?

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erinaceus · 28/09/2016 07:02

Hi danger I like the description of an emotionally busy week. The person I got cross with is one of my colleagues. I did tell them exactly what it was that they had said that I thought was unkind. They apologised the next day. I appreciated their taking the time to apologise, particularly because it is not always an easy thing to do, apologise. I don't find it easy, anyway.

I am working at home today which is a bit of a break. The office feels a bit like a pressure-cooker at the moment.

I am sorry to hear you got a letter from the DWP which provoked your anxiety. It is a long time since I last had anything to do with the DWP, but I have the impression that the way things have tightened up in the last few years, their letters can come across as particularly lacking in empathy or even threatening.

Do you have a care-coordinator or understanding GP or someone who can help you to figure out what the best route forward is? I remember vividly not that long ago days when I got frustrated with myself because I could not even put a load of laundry on, and I love doing the laundry. I understand the feeling of needing to be able to cope with daily living before starting to think about work. I cannot imagine what pressure to have a face-to-face interview about returning to work would have done for my mood at a time when getting dressed seemed like too big an ask. In some ways I was lucky because I was on medical leave from work when I was not well. Whilst I had to send "fit notes" in to my employer which I found a bit humiliating, I did not face the threat of "sanction" which seems particularly draconian.

Will the MH employment services you asked to be referred to help you to come to an agreement with the DWP? This would seem the sensible way forward but different bits of the system (e.g. MH services and the DWP) are not always in agreement, in my experience, and ways forward are not always sensible.

I hope that you are OK in the middle of it all.

willow I find social media to be such a bugger. Sometimes it is helpful to me to connect with other people, and then, sometimes, I come across something really upsetting. I hope that you feel better today, even if you need to stay under the duvet for a bit. Flowers

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user1475019164 · 28/09/2016 09:29

Special AgentFrey those are my issues too. had a bad flare up of BPD and anxiety symptoms this week. i feel calmer today but still a bit sad underneath...like i might cry continuously. no longer raging though

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user1475019164 · 28/09/2016 09:30

me too erinaceus. my key worker told me to assert myself but it has landed me in trouble now. being accused of bullying by a neighbour

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erinaceus · 28/09/2016 09:38

Yes. It is a fine line isn't it. I think sometimes it is the change that is most difficult for other people. If I stop being a doormat, then, suddenly, I am told I am disruptive, or it is implied that I am a bully.

Bullying is in the eye of the person on the receiving end, so if your neighbour feels as if they are being bullied by you, that is an awkward situation, particularly if what you are trying to do is follow the suggestion of your key worker. Can you talk to your key worker about what happened? Maybe they will have a suggestion on whether your neighbour is being reasonable or not in their accusation towards you.

I can't stand bullying, and when I am accused of being a bully when I am standing up for myself in a way that might seem out of character to other people (i.e. Erin is no longer being a doormat), I tend to get extremely upset and confused.

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dangermouseisace · 28/09/2016 11:54

erin that sounds like a positive outcome from being cross, and a constructive way of dealing with it well done. It is always admirable when a person can apologise.

I've got a care coordinator and apparently (after re-reading letter in less of an AAAARGH state) they can write supporting letters so think I might be asking for one. Employment support service is part of MH service so I'm sure the care coordinator can write about that. My last extremely short try at employment was a complete omnishambles due to my MH issues and an awful boss. It completely destroyed my confidence with work hence being in a bit of a pickle- the MH service employment support service has …you guessed it…a waiting list!

who is it accusing you of bullying random number?

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erinaceus · 28/09/2016 18:32

Yes. I think that apologising is admirable. It takes a sort of grace to bother apologising when you have upset someone, instead of blaming them for misunderstanding you. Anyway I am glad I spoke up in a small way, I feel as if it was reasonable in those circumstances.

It sounds as if asking your care coordinator to do some care coordinating might be the best next step regarding support for getting back to work and writing to the DWP. For me, work was such a bit part of my identity that I felt completely lost without it. I am sorry to hear that you had a previous omnishambles and an unsupportive boss. I feel fortunate because I have a supportive employer in general. I heard a number of horror stories from other service users who had had their mental health affect their ability to work, and felt very lucky indeed that my employer were supportive both when I was off and when I was coming back and still somewhat fragile.

That is a bit crap about the waiting list for MH service employment support services, given the DWP's attitude. Seems like a lack of joined-up thinking, but then, sometimes that happens, with services. Your care coordinator might be able to help you with the whole thing, hopefully, or at least help you to avoid being derailed by the AAAARGH state!

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dangermouseisace · 30/09/2016 20:19

Feeling a bit calmer- support worker coming to the meeting to say that work should be out of the question at the moment.

But that hasn't prevented my sleep becoming atrocious. I'm waking up gazillions of time during the night…seems to be every 20 mins or so- I turn my clock face 'off' but after waking up eleventy million times I tend to check it as surely it's time to get up now! but find that it's 2.20am and I only turned the light out at 12! It's a bit…wearing...

But otherwise things are still going ok. MH employment support is funded by the NHS not the DWP which is why there is a waiting list! I'm just glad it's there- there wasn't such a thing in the bad old days Smile I'm glad you have a supportive employer erin they are worth their weight in gold. As are friend who are supportive thinking of mine often makes me cry tears of gratitude!

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Wriggler79 · 01/10/2016 17:38

Can I just pop in and have a little rant.
Have had depression building up since last night. DP has triggered it and I can't find a way to talk to him without him getting defensive. So I've internalised it all and am sat away from him and 3 DCs because I can't make myself react to stuff in a normal way. Sick of being like this. I just wish everyone could not be here til I get over this. Can't wait til DCs are asleep and I can go to bed. And I'm gutted I'm wasting nice weekend DC time being like this.

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willowcatkin111 · 01/10/2016 17:53

Wriggler I know just how you feel. I seem to have spent the last month doing little but work and sleep and have seen very little of the dcs as a result. I feel so guilty which is not helping the hopelessness of the depression.
Hope you get a good night's sleep and can talk to your dp tomorrow.
I am going to treat myself to a takeaway so hopefully avoid doing sone thing stupid tonight Flowers

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Wriggler79 · 01/10/2016 18:09

Willow thank you, just being able to put it into words has helped. Hope you have q nice takeaway and get some good rest Flowers

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EmilySunshine · 01/10/2016 20:39

hi Erinaceus. i finally have a proper username! thanks for your reply....i got on to the police again and explained that due to the emotional meltdowns i may have overreacted to this woman who has been accusing me of bullying her. she had been making me give her money for a year and a half but due to previous abuse all through my life and poor boundaries i was too intimidated of her to say no. she would make up endless sob stories to get me to hand it over knowing i'm a bit of a bleeding heart especially towards my fellow domestic abuse survivors. also made me go round and do stuff for her even though i'm registered as physically disabled and have reduced mobility and pain issues (neuromuscular disease), i didn't realise that she thought i was the one bullying her! i thought it was the other round. the police say she has no case and told me just to stay out of her way and it will all blow over. i'm not experienced at dealing with sociopaths and this woman has made me very jumpy again, kind of retriggering the Complex PTSD/BPD symptoms. but i have appointment in few days with CPN...my key worker says i need to set boundaries and i'm learning but it is hard...

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EmilySunshine · 01/10/2016 20:42

i really don't want to go back on my mood stabiliser again....it was just bloating me and having struggled with PCOS since age 18 i don't think this kind (Valproate) was good for me. i have been going back to some of my DBT techniques. feel i have failed somehow in needing help again. angry with myself but know anger isn't good for me

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