Well, stop-press news here. I spoke to a memeber of the crisis team who was actually helpful.
Apparently there is a route into secondary care talking therapy that bypasses the CMHT. She actually went and checked that, because I explained the GP reckons there's no such thing (ad infinitum over several years). She's going to write a letter to the GP.
I will halt the fanfare just for now though as years of false hope leave me sceptical. We shall see.
It's just occurred to me that showing emotions in front of any MH people seems to be a problem. Not even crying or anything, but anything that gives the game away you're feeling stuff. Which is bizarre and leads to more problems... I mean, when it's all there ready to be unpicked, just below the surface, they don't want to know. Once you've given up and it's all stuffed away in a conglomerated lump of arghhh that seems unfixable, they much prefer it. Tied in is the way it seems if you have an attitude of "I'm feeling dreadful, and I need and deserve some help/therapy/support" they see it as "entitled" or something (?). When you've been driven into the ground enough by that, and feel there actually isn't any help or hope, and that you're probably not worth it anyway, they start to tell you "Of course you're worth it, you're just very depressed and obviously need some therapy" (oh, therapy? Like I asked for 6 yrs ago? ). It's like some weird power came where they have to break you down completely before building you up again, but in a weird unstable way where you never know if what you're thinking is "correct" in their eyes.
danger Yeh naps are amazing. Apparently we used to have a two sleep thing, where we'd get up for a bit in the middle of the night and do stuff then go back to sleep. I love the idea of that. Also it seems people have different sleep cycles (night owl here) so I'm sure the need for everyone to conform into a rigid cycle isn't good for a lot of people...
Anna It's ok, you don't need to feel bad for feeling bad! And as danger says, two months is not long. Re. the lonliness, my only advice is to try to vaguely keep up social contact if possible, so it's there when you feel up to it again. Just show your face occasionally so people don't forget you. But I understand not wanting to see people.
Erin hope you're feeling a bit better today.
Meh. and all round.