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Mental health

Emotional (dis)regulation thread for expression strong emotions and supporting each other

238 replies

erinaceus · 20/08/2016 06:49

Inspired by a few threads on the MH boards and elsewhere on MN, this thread is:

  • A safe space to express strong or overwhelming emotions;
  • Somewhere where MNers can support MNers who are experiencing strong or overwhelming emotions;
  • We can share strategies for coping with strong or overwhelming emotions. Healthy strategies preferred, but bearing in mind that what is healthy for one poster might not be healthy for another poster.

    Flowers to everyone who knows what I mean.
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Annaismyothername · 27/08/2016 21:20

How long have you been separated/divorced Dangermouse. Unless you prefer not to share obviously.

I have felt a bit shocked at how long many posters seem to have been struggling. Once your post has really lingered with me. I have nothing useful other than its not fair and you do so well to talk clearly about it.

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dangermouseisace · 27/08/2016 21:48

I don't mind sharing I've been separated/divorcing for just over a year now. We had got back together after being separated in the past. You? (if ok to share)

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erinaceus · 27/08/2016 21:58

So much dissociation today. Trying to stay in the room with people but keep having to go outside.

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Annaismyothername · 27/08/2016 22:09

Separated nearly 2 months ago. Still floundering.

We hadn't really talked for a long time before that. I don't work either. I feel equally horribly lonely but like I want to be alone.

I worry that my mental health isn't "springing" back to normal. This might be me now. Sorry, that's selfish when you've been here longer.

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Annaismyothername · 27/08/2016 22:13

Cross post erin. Sounds tough.

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dangermouseisace · 27/08/2016 22:24

ooh anna two months is very raw, no wonder you are still floundering! Nah I get the 'this might be me now' thing completely. But you are right, two months isn't long enough to make a judgement. Have you seen someone about your MH? I made the mistake of leaving it too long before saying to GP that it was very problematic, as I assumed that what I was going through was just normal…

dissociation is horrible erin hope you come back to yourself soon.

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Annaismyothername · 27/08/2016 22:45

Started ADs back in Jan and saw a psychiatric nurse for a while when I wasn't coping in the healthiest way. I'm better than I was then.

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dangermouseisace · 27/08/2016 22:56

Good to know you are getting some help anna. It is a long hard slog the separation etc thing with ups and downs. I'm better than I was too. I can easily discuss it without bursting into tears now!

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Annaismyothername · 27/08/2016 23:12

It's tough. Good to talk to someone who understands. Thanks.

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erinaceus · 28/08/2016 06:49

Thanks for the support danger and anna

I have RL support which is useful; going to talk to someone Monday about more intensive support. It descended really quickly this time around.

I am safe at the moment but not eating or sleeping consistently and the shaking and flashbacks are making it difficult to do anything really. Cup of tea, cup of tea, cup of tea.

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Annaismyothername · 28/08/2016 07:04

Glad you have RL support. Flowers

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erinaceus · 28/08/2016 10:08

So am I, Anna, so am I.

Flowers to everybody.

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Annaismyothername · 28/08/2016 21:02

Hey erinaceus. I hope you got by ok today and are able to get more support tomorrow.

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OnceThereWasThisGirlWho · 28/08/2016 22:45

i cant keep this up

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Annaismyothername · 28/08/2016 23:47

Sorry Once I know it's tough. Hang in there. Flowers

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OnceThereWasThisGirlWho · 29/08/2016 18:50

Well, stop-press news here. I spoke to a memeber of the crisis team who was actually helpful.
Apparently there is a route into secondary care talking therapy that bypasses the CMHT. She actually went and checked that, because I explained the GP reckons there's no such thing (ad infinitum over several years). She's going to write a letter to the GP.

I will halt the fanfare just for now though as years of false hope leave me sceptical. We shall see.

It's just occurred to me that showing emotions in front of any MH people seems to be a problem. Not even crying or anything, but anything that gives the game away you're feeling stuff. Which is bizarre and leads to more problems... I mean, when it's all there ready to be unpicked, just below the surface, they don't want to know. Once you've given up and it's all stuffed away in a conglomerated lump of arghhh that seems unfixable, they much prefer it. Tied in is the way it seems if you have an attitude of "I'm feeling dreadful, and I need and deserve some help/therapy/support" they see it as "entitled" or something (?). When you've been driven into the ground enough by that, and feel there actually isn't any help or hope, and that you're probably not worth it anyway, they start to tell you "Of course you're worth it, you're just very depressed and obviously need some therapy" (oh, therapy? Like I asked for 6 yrs ago? Hmm). It's like some weird power came where they have to break you down completely before building you up again, but in a weird unstable way where you never know if what you're thinking is "correct" in their eyes.

danger Yeh naps are amazing. Apparently we used to have a two sleep thing, where we'd get up for a bit in the middle of the night and do stuff then go back to sleep. I love the idea of that. Also it seems people have different sleep cycles (night owl here) so I'm sure the need for everyone to conform into a rigid cycle isn't good for a lot of people...

Anna It's ok, you don't need to feel bad for feeling bad! And as danger says, two months is not long. Re. the lonliness, my only advice is to try to vaguely keep up social contact if possible, so it's there when you feel up to it again. Just show your face occasionally so people don't forget you. But I understand not wanting to see people.

Erin hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Meh. Cake and Brew all round.

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erinaceus · 31/08/2016 08:18

Hi folks. Yes feeling a bit better today. Working on putting a plan in place to make sure I eat regularly, which is important for me. I am trying to take care of myself.

Flowers everybody.

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dangermouseisace · 31/08/2016 14:43

glad the call to the crisis team was helpful once. I think sometimes it all depends on who answers the phone!

erin glad you're feeling a bit better and that you're trying to look after yourself.

I think I had an epiphany in the past few days of despair. I can keep comparing myself to who I was prior to my life getting completely screwed up/subsequent hospitalisation, and carry on grieving for my old life. This only leads to me feeling like I have already 'died' and so compelling my body to catch up with my brain and end it all. Or I can accept that person that was the old me has gone now, that time has gone, the old me has 'died' but instead of ending it all, I can start building a new life instead. I'm currently going for the new life option, and feel good about that.

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Broken1Girl · 31/08/2016 18:34

Joins. Hi all. Lying on sofa. So sad I have that punched in the stomach feeling. Feeling guilty I should be cleaning my tip of a flat instead.

I can keep comparing myself to who I was prior to my life getting completely screwed up/subsequent hospitalisation, and carry on grieving for my old life. This only leads to me feeling like I have already 'died' and so compelling my body to catch up with my brain and end it all. Or I can accept that person that was the old me has gone now, that time has gone, the old me has 'died' but instead of ending it all, I can start building a new life instead.
Danger, I feel exactly like that, but I can't move on. I don't know how to do that.

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erinaceus · 31/08/2016 20:24

I remember once telling someone I wasn't sure if I had died or not. They replied "Oh, I get that. It doesn't matter. You keep going."

That exchange sticks with me.

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dangermouseisace · 31/08/2016 21:23

brokengirl that is exactly what I'm worried about! I'm kind of a bit worried it's going to be flailing around in the dark trying to move on...And the tip won't mind if it stays like that for another day. It's not going anywhere.

erin haha all kudos to the person who said that…somehow I don't think they 'really' get it- how could you just keep going without finding an answer? Probably about as helpful as the conversation that my father had with me when I was an obviously messed up teenager: "Life is shit. It's shit for all of us. But we keep going." which then led me to worry that was what I had to face for the rest of my life. But it turned out that wasn't true, fortunately life in that house was certainly shit though

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erinaceus · 31/08/2016 22:10

how could you just keep going without finding an answer?

What is the question?

I found that one comforting. I remember the breezy way in which she brushed off what had become - for me - a point of quite deep concern at the time.

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Petal40 · 31/08/2016 22:37

Hello.ive read the thread.thankyou for starting it.may I join?

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dangermouseisace · 31/08/2016 23:00

of course petal (waves)

The question being whether you're alive or not erin…if it's comforting to you then that's what is important.

I think I'm a bit odd in that I need evidence that I am actually alive if I've been in that state for a while (like weeks) and I usually get that in ways that are not socially acceptable Blush With many things I get worried if someone says everyone feels x way it's normal because my brain is going "this is normal?! Everyone feels like this? OH MY GOD I can't cope with normal!! I just can't cope with anything, at all ever again!" as I like a bit of catastrophising.

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erinaceus · 01/09/2016 06:24

This morning I am eating breakfast and trying to hold it together.

Flowers dangermouseisace.

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