If you're going through hell, keep going

[Pare]

Hi, thought I might try another thread as I've missed having somewhere to offload. Thanks for all the support on the other one, I have saved it and removed certain posts so that I can look at it when I need something to focus on.

I went to the meeting with the manager of the Crisis Team tonight and it was really difficult even though he accepted that they had got things wrong. He said I have to keep attending or they will have me assessed under the Mental Health Act. I don't really trust them though and it is going to be really hard. He suggested meeting with the nurse who I saw on Monday, and with him, to try and talk it through and come to an understanding. I don't know if that will be too much.

Glad to see you back. I really hope you get the support you need. Come and offload whenever you need to.

Thanks. Having an internal struggle as I feel that despite seeming 'nice' and listening he was always going to side with his nurse. Also worried about what he said about having me assessed. He said that when I was discussed at the team meeting I was considered 'medium to high' risk.

Have to see a psychologist on Friday - worried about what to say to her.

Hi Pare. Encouraged to read that you have some professional support and that you not having to wait long for assessment with a psychologist. Hope it is helpful. Best thing I think is to be honest.

Have they considered a diagnosis, as that can help get right medication and treatment options as well.

If possible try not to worry what crisis team think, as they are just there in short term to offer support. Every crisis worker seeing you will assess you, every time they see you as it is what they do - if you were not a risk they would not see you, just how they work. They see people at risk. When risk is lower they can refer for more appropriate treatment usually like therapeutic approaches.

Hope tomorrow goes ok for you.

Hi - perhaps he said about being assessed ( for sectioning purposes) because of the contact you had with them ( eg stopping seeing them despite struggling), to let you know they taking you seriously. It is always better to receive voluntary help than have compulsory treatment and assessment.

As long as you turn up to every appointment and answer phone calls or whatever they ask of you there is no concern at all Pare - they use assessment for people who do not have the ability to turn up etc.

I have depression and PTSD.

The threat about being sectioned was a threat to make me engage with them. It means I can't be honest.

Oh, I'm glad to see you've started another thread. And glad that you are still getting some help from the mental health services. I think meeting with the nurse you saw on Monday is going to be too much. She messed up and will feel 'bad' about it. Not your job to make her feel better. It would be charitable if you could, but probably a bridge too far.

I'm scared of talking to them at all. I don't think I can do this anymore. No-one listens to you when you have a mental illness, they just assume they know best.

Some girls in my form bought me a present for being a 'great form tutor'.

Aww that's so lovely! See, people really do care about you and are thankful for what you do. Give yourself a break and eat some choccy :-)

Just had an hour on the phone with the psychologist from the crisis team. Told her I don't really trust them anymore but she kept trying to persuade me. Going to see her tomorrow but not sure what to say.

Well she sounds great Pare. To give you a whole hour of her time when not even a booked appointment is pretty amazing. If you do not want to go then that is your choice but worth a try. If it is not right for you then you can tell her.

She seems nice. Bit worried because everything you say to them gets taken back to the team. She wants to know why I have PTSD and that is something I have never told anyone. My GP guessed but I've never said the words out loud and if I do manage to tell her she'll have to tell everyone else on the crisis team and I don't want them to know.

My head is so confused, had to take lots of diazepam today.

Your doing so well. Well done.

I'm really glad she's nice and it was very good of her to take an hour out to talk to you. See how it goes, if she asks you something you don't want to answer then it's ok to say "I don't feel ready to share that with you yet". You really are doing so well. I'm here rooting for you.

I get so defensive, I'm just hyper-aware and see them as a threat. I think it is part of the PTSD. I can't work out which is depression, which is PTSD and which is me. So confused.

If it helps seeing a psychologist is not easy to get on NHS and people can wait up to a year for regular treatment. So if you can accept the offer - I had 6-8 sessions with a psychologist and used every moment of it as the best resource I have ever had.

I pushed everything away but somehow realised that the psych I saw was the chance to give me tools to help myself out of the mess I was in.

Best advice is use every minute of it and focus on what help it can be rather than discuss whether you want it or not. If you push them too far away they will give their resource to next on the list and it can be a long wait to get to top of list for an assessment.

Hi if you tell her you have a diagnosis of PTST it is common to find out who gave it to you and why to check they giving you the right treatment. Can you tell her the name of dr who diagnosed you then they can look it up, may help you?

Yes everything in MH services is recorded and shared - but if you do not speak you will not get right help. It is the sharing of info that can get you consistent care.

do you think your PTSD is your main problem now?
is it the thing that is making you unhappy now?
if it is, the maybe you have to go to the roots of it with the psychologist when you are ready.
or use cbt and try to forget about it?

it is very nice present, your students love you very much :)

It was diagnosed by GP and confirmed by Occupational Health psychologist. The PTSD gets on top of me when I feel stressed and down, that's when the flashbacks get out of control. I know I need help but I find it so difficult to trust anyone, I'm hyper-sensitive to people screwing me over.

Pare, so why not start by telling them what you just posted here.

And I love your gift from your form - so sweet of them!!

I have told them this, but just got told that because I'm going to work I can't be that bad. I haven't spoken to anyone at work other than the children since Monday. I'm just hiding away.

Is your last day of term tomorrow or do you have another couple of days next week?

Last day tomorrow. Can't wait.

I bet.

But going to panic all day about seeing the psychologist because I only teach lesson one tomorrow. I used to have GCSE and A Level but they have left.