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Original poster

If you're going through hell, keep going

460 replies

Pare · 16/07/2014 19:14

Hi, thought I might try another thread as I've missed having somewhere to offload. Thanks for all the support on the other one, I have saved it and removed certain posts so that I can look at it when I need something to focus on.

I went to the meeting with the manager of the Crisis Team tonight and it was really difficult even though he accepted that they had got things wrong. He said I have to keep attending or they will have me assessed under the Mental Health Act. I don't really trust them though and it is going to be really hard. He suggested meeting with the nurse who I saw on Monday, and with him, to try and talk it through and come to an understanding. I don't know if that will be too much.

OP posts:
SilverStars · 17/07/2014 22:42

Great news that you made it to end of term!!

Can you tidy cupboards, sort books for Sept, write job lists for summer, sharpen crayons - anything to keep you occupied?!

Original poster
Pare · 17/07/2014 22:50

I have tidied my classroom today, but I will do a bit more on my SOW. I find it hard to concentrate at work when I'm not teaching.

I have break duty and a classroom practically in the woods so I can have a little sit outside deterring smokers. Just have to avoid burning as sertraline can make you more sensitive to the sun.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 08:57

It is great news that you made it to the end of term. Don't suffer by anticipation, it may not be as bad as you think.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 18/07/2014 09:04

Flowers Glad to see you posting pare.

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 09:17

Bit of a mess today. Waiting for my class to arrive because assembly has over-run.

Feel really anxious but like I can't take diazepam because of what the nurse said.

Just such a mess. End of term, maybe that's a sign.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 09:30

What, that nurse you saw on Monday? She was wrong in what she said, so maybe she was wrong in this as well.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 18/07/2014 09:56

End of term is the sign of a new chapter, new start.

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 10:00

She said I only re-engaged with the crisis team to get diazepam. Which is calling me a drug-seeker. So I have been trying to avoid taking it since then.

I'm just so tired of everything.

OP posts:
YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 18/07/2014 10:15

she has apologised, and should not have said that. It isnt true. It is good to only take as much diazepam as you need, but not to deny yoursself it when it will help, or take too much.
Just take them as often as your are prescribed to. Nurses say a lot of things that are not right. She isn't a doctor, so trust the prescription, that goes over her head.

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 10:18

She hasn't apologised, the manager did.

I just feel like they think I'm a fake. Which I am, but not in the sense that they are thinking.

OP posts:
YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 18/07/2014 11:01

In what sense are you a fake??

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 11:06

In the sense that I try to pretend to be someone I'm not.

Just really had enough now.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 11:08

Just try and get through the day. One day at the time.

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 11:19

I just feel so alone.

OP posts:
Reallystrugglinginside · 18/07/2014 11:19

Break it down. An hour at a time. You can do it. You've showed your strength on your threads.

Reallystrugglinginside · 18/07/2014 11:47

I'm here.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 18/07/2014 14:51

hope you're ok, pare. Thinking of you. Feeling a fake can be a part of being ill in various ways, including depression, when we have to cover up how we really feel. It isn't a bad thing to do, it is what most people have to do at least on some days, or some of the time. Just much harder and more frustrating with other stress factors on top. Someone told me to 'fake it' (being happy) 'until you make it' (until you are happy/contented) which has helped sometimes.

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 15:16

Got another nice present. Just so nervous about psychologist.

If you're going through hell, keep going
OP posts:
Reallystrugglinginside · 18/07/2014 15:53

Aww, thats so lovely. Hope you like Chocolate!

The appointment will be fine.

SilverStars · 18/07/2014 16:32

What a fantastic card!

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 19:00

Okay that was awful and I have been retching and throwing up since. Got to stop this.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 19:30

The heat won't help. Is there anything that will help?

SilverStars · 18/07/2014 19:36

Hi - was it awful because it was challenging and about tough stuff? Or awful because did not like the person and what they said? Have they offered you some sessions or referring you to something?

Sorry it has had such a physical affect on you. Do you still have support of crisis team - can you phone them for support if needed? Some people find phoning or emailing Samaritans is a good way to offload as well.

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 19:49

She hasn't finished assessing me. We did two hours and had to stop because the building closes. I feel ill just thinking about going back. I can't carry on anymore. I don't want to. I want to be selfish and just go to sleep.

OP posts:
SilverStars · 18/07/2014 20:24

That sounds tough. Often they only do 50-60 minutes purely because of how gruelling it can be. Can you be kind to yourself - something mental health staff promote as can be a good way to sooth self and self regulate emotions and thus cope.

Can be anything from:
Shower/bath
Do nails
Cup of tea and a chocolate from your class
Music
TV/something you want to watch
Anything at all. Some people find adult colouring books - with geometric patterns soothing.