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Original poster

If you're going through hell, keep going

460 replies

Pare · 16/07/2014 19:14

Hi, thought I might try another thread as I've missed having somewhere to offload. Thanks for all the support on the other one, I have saved it and removed certain posts so that I can look at it when I need something to focus on.

I went to the meeting with the manager of the Crisis Team tonight and it was really difficult even though he accepted that they had got things wrong. He said I have to keep attending or they will have me assessed under the Mental Health Act. I don't really trust them though and it is going to be really hard. He suggested meeting with the nurse who I saw on Monday, and with him, to try and talk it through and come to an understanding. I don't know if that will be too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 20:35

I can't go back.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 20:37

I caught a snatch of a programme on Radio3 this morning where there was a historian as guest of the week. Simon somebody or other. He has been on at 10.30 every morning. You can find it on iplayer.

Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 20:37

Why can't you go back?

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 20:57

It's too hard. Everything is too hard. It was as bad as I imagined and then some. I don't want to face it, I can't.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 20:59

Was she pushing to get you to say things you didn't want to say?

Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 21:00

I thought the presents from your class were so lovely.

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 21:07

She wants me to trust the team but I can't trust anyone. People hurt you.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 21:18

Well, that is entirely understandable after the treatment you had from that nurse on Monday. With in the background that they will stick you in hospital if you don't co-operate. When do they want you to go back?

Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 21:19

Do you get the impression that she is listening to you?

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 21:26

On Monday. She listened but she will go back and tell the team everything and I can't trust them.

OP posts:
bluebell345 · 18/07/2014 21:42

have you contact mind before?
maybe they can be helpful in such situations and stand with you. I am just guessing. I think they might have some people in your shoes before.
they have a website as well, I think.
don't worry much. you are just a person who wants to get better.

bluebell345 · 18/07/2014 21:43

sorry it should be 'stand by you'.

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2014 21:49

Pare I'm so glad you felt able to start another thread. Do they have to share everything? Can you find one person you can trust?
What a lovely lot of presents. You clearly make a big difference to the lives of your students. xx

Original poster
Pare · 18/07/2014 22:21

They all share everything to assess risk each day in the team meetings. I just can't bear them talking about it. It's such a mess, I'm so tired and I can't think properly. I told her I'm not going on Monday. I have to take the cat to the vet and I've got an appointment with my GP. So confused.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 18/07/2014 22:22

I can hear another thunderstorm brewing so am going to turn the computer off. I slept for an hour this afternoon, so I'm doing the ironing before trying to sleep again.
Sleep well, all of you.

SilverStars · 19/07/2014 00:07

Pare once you are not under the crisis team things are so much better - believe me. I do not understand your crisis team to be honest as where I live etc the crisis team would have referred you to a CMHT after they assessed you as not being a high risk ( and by encouraging you to be at work that is where my area seems to differ). Once you not under crisis team they do not have daily risk meetings and you get one worker - a care co-ordinator, rather that seeing lots of different people. So much easier to trust one named person that is seen by you weekly say than being under a team that has a focus on assessment/support in the here and now/risk and admission monitoring.

Honestly can you ask to be referred to a CMHT or whatever they have? How long do they treat people under the crisis team system there? Because if someone under them for more than a few weeks it is more a longer term condition than an acute crisis?

Oh thunderstorm - hope it is not too bad where you are. I hate them do hope to sleep through it!

SilverStars · 19/07/2014 00:08

Oh hope your cat is ok on Monday. Is this the female boss one?

Original poster
Pare · 19/07/2014 08:26

They won't refer me to any other services because they have assessed me as medium to high risk. They think I'll kill myself now it is the holidays. I said I didn't want to go on Monday and she didn't threaten to section me this time, just said they'd tell my GP on me. Felt like being back at school!

It is boy cat going to the vet. He has diabetes so needs a blood test and some more insulin.

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SilverStars · 19/07/2014 12:09

Well if you can persuade them you are a lower risk that may be a positive step towards less stressful engagement with services. However it may take some time to show them you are more stable. Things like telling them positive plans such as a shopping trip, visiting friends, going out, seeing people and doing things. But perhaps you are not well enough yet.

Hope the diabetic cat is ok. Must be tricky to manage insulin in a cat?

Original poster
Pare · 19/07/2014 12:20

It is called the Crisis Resolution and Home Treatment Team here so I think they treat you for a while.

I know I need help but I can't trust them. I can't trust anybody and it is very lonely. It's like I'm having a battle with myself but every time I give an inch it comes back to bite me.

Boy cat has insulin injections twice a day, 12 hours apart. He's stable, just has to have a blood test every so often to make sure the dosage is correct. You can't really do daily glucose tests on a cat so he has a fructosamine test which shows how well controlled his sugars have been and then they adjust the dose up and down. Every six months he goes to the vet for the day and has a glucose curve where they test his blood every hour for 10 hours.

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SilverStars · 19/07/2014 12:36

Hi yes it is called that here as well. They treat for a few weeks here so once not under them have a different team to treat you where I am based. Just thought being under a more permanent team might help your trust issues. So may be worth asking the crisis team how long they treat people for - if you have trust issues. Main problem with crisis team is they often have different staff on so lack of continuity whereas if under a CMHT they give you a named worker.

Glad the diabetes is well controlled - yes thought blood tests would be tricky. Sounds a good treatment programme. Hope it goes well for him on Monday.

Original poster
Pare · 19/07/2014 12:47

They just keep saying I'm not well enough to be discharged from them, and apart from the psychologist they threaten an assessment under the MHA. The psychologist said I don't lack capacity though. Apparently I have argued them all round in circles and I know 'too much' about the MHA so they are at a bit of a loss. I don't mean to argue with them but I can't stand being treated like I'm an idiot because I have a MH condition. I need to know what they are doing and why and when they spring surprises on me it freaks me out and I go into defensive mode and no-one can out argue me when I get going.

OP posts:
SilverStars · 19/07/2014 19:36

That can give you a goal then - be well enough to not be under a Crisis Team. Especially important as if you under them fors longer they can declare you unfit to teach for Sept potentially.

If you can do the things suggested to promote safety, self-care, take medication, do things positively and for the future etc then they can declare you a lower risk and discharge you to a CMHT for longer term care and more importantly less people involved in your care and the chance to build up a relationship of trust with one named person.

Sometimes arguing and being defensive is not good with crisis team ( I know!). Nor is being sectioned and detained in hospital - especially facing OH as a teacher. Best thing is to work on your recovery. Tell them now own holiday able to regulate sleep, less stress is helping, looking forward to a well earns holiday - whatever is right for you!! Most people are under the crisis team only for a few weeks, that is normal.

Or do you want the extra support of crisis team? Really? Only you know.

Either way I really hope you do recover and you are able to enjoy some of your time off work. Did you have any plans? Projects in the home to do, trips out, seeing people, doing some shopping ( and not just stationary supplies for sept!) as well as time to finish planning for sept etc?

Original poster
Pare · 19/07/2014 19:45

I know being defensive really doesn't help, but they scare me so much it just happens. I'm irritable anyway as a symptom and they just make me so jumpy. My PTSD makes me hyper-aware of threats and I can't stop seeing them as a threat. I go to the appointments ready to be sensible and receptive and they do something patronising and I can't help myself.

I don't have any plans, my house is up for sale as I need to buy a bungalow for my mum, so I've done all the jobs. I'll take my mum out some days but I have no friends so that is about it.

OP posts:
SilverStars · 19/07/2014 20:10

Crisis team are used to people who are not capable of thinking or functioning well therefore they appear patronising to some service users. I think the more you see them the more it can make you worse - do you think that?

Can you tell them that you are struggling caring for your Mum, working full-time and moving house, it has all got on top of you but now not at work got time to sort house sale out, de-junk ready for moving and have lots to do? Or if untrue not say.

Why not find a big active church this summer and see what they got on, as you said you used to believe. A way to start slowly making friends. Or look for an activity one day/night a week to join? Just show them you are seeking support from people. By support a way to stop feeling lonely? Not deep and meaningful but show the team you are seriously trying to help yourself. Or something else that will convince them of that. Right now they quite rightly see you as a vulnerable adult needing intensive support and regular risk assessments. If that is what you need then you got the right help. If it is more harm than good you have the tools to change that.