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Original poster

If you're going through hell, keep going

460 replies

Pare · 16/07/2014 19:14

Hi, thought I might try another thread as I've missed having somewhere to offload. Thanks for all the support on the other one, I have saved it and removed certain posts so that I can look at it when I need something to focus on.

I went to the meeting with the manager of the Crisis Team tonight and it was really difficult even though he accepted that they had got things wrong. He said I have to keep attending or they will have me assessed under the Mental Health Act. I don't really trust them though and it is going to be really hard. He suggested meeting with the nurse who I saw on Monday, and with him, to try and talk it through and come to an understanding. I don't know if that will be too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pare · 19/07/2014 20:14

Yes I think I will have to lie to them. I can't actually trust anyone so I don't want friends. I come out of sessions with them much worse - they make me sob.

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bluebell345 · 19/07/2014 20:23

I wish you had someone to go to these sessions with.

Original poster
Pare · 19/07/2014 20:44

I don't know what is happening on Monday. She wanted to see me again to finish the assessment but we didn't make an appointment. I have one with my GP so I'm going to ask to up the sertraline to 150mg.

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SilverStars · 20/07/2014 00:13

Hopefully it will be true, that things are improving.

Original poster
Pare · 20/07/2014 07:07

I need to put the wall up and appear fine. That'll give me breathing space to put my plan into action.

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bluebell345 · 20/07/2014 08:32

yes, SilverStars' advices are very good.

SilverStars · 20/07/2014 09:26

Pare if you talk about plans they will think the worse and instead of a nice relaxing and well earned summer you will end up in a hot, boring psych ward.

Can you have some positive plans? Such as:
Helping your diabetic cat keep well
Look for a lovely new home for you - so can choose new decor, new garden the cats would like, what plants would work well for all your needs
Going to a class/group/activity - do not need to trusted people just choose something you may enjoy ( a craft, an animal activity, Pilates etc) where you can have a positive experience

It is only genuine and real positivity they will pick up I would imagine.

What can give you hope for the future?

Original poster
Pare · 20/07/2014 09:42

I won't tell them about my plans. I'll lie. They know what plans I had but I've told them I won't do it. Just need to be convincing.

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bluebell345 · 20/07/2014 10:16

please can you just forget, wipe away your plans. there are many people who love you and you already have a nice life, you can have better with right treatment.

bluebell345 · 20/07/2014 10:17

by the way isn't sertraline dosage too much? can your body tolerate it?

Original poster
Pare · 20/07/2014 10:24

I don't have a nice life.

Maximum sertraline dose is 200mg, I'm only on 100mg at the moment.

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Dutchoma · 20/07/2014 18:45

As you said earlier that your gp has an inkling about the real cause of your problem (a deep seated trauma that you cannot bear to talk about) is he not the best person to support you at the moment? Is the psychologist content to let you see him and happy to refer the matter to him rather than see you herself?
I don't think you are having a particularly good time at the moment and I think it is an awful shame that there is not some compassionate care around that will let you off load without threatening to do terrible things to you and making you feel worse than you already do.
The heat doesn't help, does it? How is your mother coping with it? And the cats and dog?

Original poster
Pare · 20/07/2014 18:58

I've gone beyond caring really.

It's not that hot up here.

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Original poster
Pare · 20/07/2014 21:32

Want to cancel the GP appointment. Scared he'll be mad at me for not doing as I'm told.

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Dutchoma · 20/07/2014 22:15

If you do cancel you lose the one person who knows and understands a bit about what lies at the bottom of all this stress. And the whole force of the crisis team will be on your back again.

Original poster
Pare · 20/07/2014 22:23

I don't really know why I'm going. He's done all he can by referring me. I've stuffed up by not accepting them.

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SilverStars · 20/07/2014 23:36

You have accepted them. You saw the psychiatrist, crisis team each day and had 3hrs speaking to a psychologist - I call that accepting the referral!

Hope Mon is ok - with gp and vet appointments for you.

Wish it was not so hot here - too hot to sleep.

Original poster
Pare · 20/07/2014 23:53

But I've fought them at every turn. It is just a mess.

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susiedaisy · 20/07/2014 23:56

Hi pare just saw this thread will read it tomorrow. Xx

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 21/07/2014 09:15

Try not to lie to the doctor, pare. Try to get some help in dealing with the PTSD over the summer holidays. If you can, see the crisis team too, if not see them tomorrow, but don't lie.

(It's hot here too, I've moved to Vienna for the summer. There was a massive thunderstorm last night that brought the temperature down so we could sleep eventually but now it's heading for the 30s/high 80s again. No air con in our flat!)

Original poster
Pare · 21/07/2014 10:09

Vets done, he's put on weight so that's good, points to his diabetes being stable. Just got to wait for the blood results to see if his insulin dose needs adjusting. Wish it was that simple for ADs, a blood test to say which dose you need.

Nobody has rung from crisis team yet, I don't have an appointment but the psychologist said she needed to see me again today. Not sure what to do about that.

It is hot here today.

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Dutchoma · 21/07/2014 10:22

What time is the gp appointment?

Original poster
Pare · 21/07/2014 10:24

5.20.

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Original poster
Pare · 21/07/2014 13:12

The crisis team haven't rung, so do I just take that as good fortune or do I worry that they've got something more drastic planned? Well, of course I worry, but I don't know if that is my anxiety or not.

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Original poster
Pare · 21/07/2014 13:57

Well they've rung now. Manager again. No-one available to see me until Wednesday but I've got a new key worker who is going to be the only person I see, along with the psychologist.

Terrified but going to try so hard not to be as defensive.

Now just majorly anxious about going to the GP. Going to go for a long walk shortly I think and try to burn off some of the anxiety.

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