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Original poster

I just did something (triggering)

341 replies

Messupmum · 09/08/2013 19:40

I don't know if I need help or not. I tied a ligature around my neck so tight - I did it twice. The second I struggled to undo it.

I'm kind of scared, but I felt a sense of calm too. Don't really think I'm having normal thoughts. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 09/08/2013 19:56

You need to call someone for help, maybe your local hospital. I don't know who else's to suggest but hopefully others will see this. Please dont harm yourself

YoniBottsBumgina · 09/08/2013 19:57

Hi OP, do you have a CPN?

Original poster
Messupmum · 09/08/2013 20:04

I know it's wrong to post here sorry. I'm under the cmht, I saw them today and spoke to my HV and crisis team, but no one does anything.

I get told to hold ice cubes, speak to a friend, watch a comedy! Its just crap! I can't stop thinking about it. Got pills too, just got them nearby.

I just don't know anymore. This just feels right. So, so sorry.

OP posts:
painforlife · 09/08/2013 20:08

call the crisis team again & tell them u don't Feel safe & need help straightway as u r thinking about taking a load of pills!!!

Original poster
Messupmum · 09/08/2013 20:13

I don't think I can take them as feel physically sick, but it just makes me think of other ways. I wouldn't be able to take enough anyway. I'm a mess, I don't think anyone actually cares anymore. I'm known to the services, I've cut my leg too.

I think it'd be better for everyone, if I'm not getting better and not helping myself then I deserve this. I have tried though, I really have, it's been too long though. This is no life. Crisis team will do nothing x

OP posts:
TheYoniWayIsUp · 09/08/2013 20:14

Please call 999 and tell them you're having suicidal feelings. They will help you, and things will be better.

Please do this sweetheart. Nothing matters more right now. Nothing at all.

TheYoniWayIsUp · 09/08/2013 20:14

Please call 999 and tell them you're having suicidal feelings. They will help you, and things will be better.

Please do this sweetheart. Nothing matters more right now. Nothing at all.

cocolepew · 09/08/2013 20:20

Phone 999 and tell them.They will be able to help you.
Please don't do anything to harm yourself.

TheYoniWayIsUp · 09/08/2013 20:23

Sorry for double post.
Please call. I lost an uncle to suicide. And do you know what hit me hardest? About 6 months later someone mentioned mental illness, and I remember thinking, if he'd got help, he'd be on the road to recovery by now. You can be too...just make the call. People care and want to help you.

polosareverynice · 09/08/2013 20:27

second calling 999 please dont think you are alone in this world and i hope you get the help needed please dont do anything to harm yourself xxx

ClassyAsALannister · 09/08/2013 20:32

Been there and done that. It's horrible but you can't trust yourself or your thoughts right now.

Take yourself to A&E and tell them what you told us or ring 999. It's not the easiest path but it's the best one & this doesn't have to be an endless cycle. Sometimes it takes something this extreme to get the help, as sad as it is and I hope you do Thanks

ChippingInHopHopHop · 09/08/2013 20:33

You aren't thinking straight. There must have been times in the past when you haven't been thinking straight and you have done/thought something that you later realise isn't right... try to think back to that.

At the moment you just have to believe us when we say you aren't thinking clearly and that you need help.

Please call 999 and get help ... please.

Your children don't want anyone else, they want you. There are quite a few MNers who have a parent who committed suicide - without fail everyone of them has said they wish their parent hadn't done it, no matter how imperfect their parent was (or thought they were) they meant the world to their kids. YOU are your kids world.

mummylin2495 · 09/08/2013 21:19

Hope someone is now helping you OP

HoopHopes · 09/08/2013 21:45

If you are under the crisis team they work 24 hours so you can phone them again and tell them what you posted here.

Original poster
Messupmum · 09/08/2013 22:32

I've had a friend round for a couple of hours who is concerned. She's just left making me promise not to do anything. I quickly hid the pills and didn't tell her about the ligatures. I did tell her how suicidal I felt though.

I now feel exhausted but minds racing too much. I'm too scared to go to hospital, ending it feels like an easier option. For everyone. My friend was saying how devastated everyone would be, but it's just words to me.

OP posts:
HoopHopes · 09/08/2013 22:39

Hi you do not have to go to hospital. You can phone the crisis team you mentioned and they should visit you at home. Could you try that?

Caster8 · 09/08/2013 22:51

Hi, Messupmum. Just seen this thread.
If you were to get some proper help from someone, who would you call?
Crisis team, a friend, family, 999, or someone else like the samaritans to have a talk?

buttermellow · 09/08/2013 22:57

www.metanoia.org/suicide/

OP, I found this page once when I felt very unhappy and it helped me hugely. Might not help but it's definitely worth a look. Lots of love x

Caster8 · 09/08/2013 23:01

It is ok to post on here about this.
You put a trigger warning in the subject heading which is good.

Toomuch2young · 09/08/2013 23:01

Please call 999. It is an emergency feeling this way. Or call the Samaritans if you need to talk.
You are not alone. You have at least one friend you have mentioned and likely more.
Do you have children, family?

Original poster
Messupmum · 09/08/2013 23:11

I can't move, feel frozen to the spot. I am a mum but don't feel like I should be. I need to want to get better though don't I, or no one will help me. I don't know what I want, I can't think straight,

OP posts:
KrazyKurls · 09/08/2013 23:18

Sweet heart don't think of tomorrow, you only have to get through tonight, the next hour.

If you can pick up the phone and dial 999, it's just 3 numbers and you just need to ask for help then it'll all be out of your hands - you can pass the responsibility over.

Take it in steps;

Pick up phone
Dial 999
Ask for ambulance service
Give your address
Telephone number
Tell them you need help

In less than 5 mins time someone could be taking steps to help you get better...

Chippychop · 09/08/2013 23:30

You're not alone, we all go through this at some time. But you do need to ask someone for help. NOW go on, please....

Original poster
Messupmum · 09/08/2013 23:31

I can't just yet, sorry, feel like I'm letting people down, I'm not ignoring advice, I just don't feel ready yet. Sitting outside now, looking up at the sky. The black clouds look like black demons telling me to just do it. I sound crazy. Thinking of going for a walk, just want to keep walking.

OP posts:
Chippychop · 09/08/2013 23:43

Don't think about it just call someone