I just did something (triggering)

[Messupmum]

I don't know if I need help or not. I tied a ligature around my neck so tight - I did it twice. The second I struggled to undo it.

I'm kind of scared, but I felt a sense of calm too. Don't really think I'm having normal thoughts. I don't know what to do.

Hi OP, I'm glad you're back. Also that your cpn seems to be taking action.

Look after yourself as best you can and as caster says, just concentrate on getting by for now.

Glad Cpn getting you a review with a psychiatrist. Hopefully look at your medication and perhaps offer some prn medication to help you if you do not have any. If they suggest admission can you think about what you might need to sort before then as it could be quite quick if there is a bed or sometimes they use the next nearest hospital. Such as childcare plans for your dc etc. would your dp or family have them etc? No worries if you can't think that far.

Hope some distracting activities help lift your mood a bit.

I don't think I can do this. I feel shaky and zombified. I can't think. I've got to do things, but I feel I can't, I get scared and the mind races and it panics me.

are you at home with your kids love? if not I think maybe admission for a short while could help? they need to get your meds right, chances are you may not be taking them right.

I'm at a friends, trying to keep my mask on, but not doing it too well. Got to get some food as drastically running out but can't function enough to do it! How pathetic do I sound. I've had to admit I'm not up to working or forming a new relationship, I've kidded myself that I could, and it all went wrong. So I feel I've failed as I've become a person I don't want to be.

You don't sound pathetic at all, just overwhelmed and worn out which is perfectly natural.

Can you ask your friend for help with the shopping? Even if it's just casually suggesting you go together for company?

When are you next going to be seeing a HCP?

Take care and try not to be so hard on yourself.

Hope being with a friend helps the day pass a bit easier.

Just because work and relationships are not easy or doable for now does not mean that they will always be like that. Lots of people here have had time out of work etc and then returned.

I keep finding myself planning when I can be alone. I'm tryin to arrange it soon as I can't put up with these thoughts and the exhaustion. I feel really alone despite opening up to others. No one is in my head, and thats where I feel so lonely.

Why can't I be strong for others, and realise what they say is true, instead i'm in this bubble with only one train of thought.

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so low and so lonely.

I don't really feel qualified to offer any further advice but o am thinking of you.

When is your next appointment? I am thinking of you. Please stay on touch on here.

In touch in here x

Bloody phone! See what it did there?

On a train for a day out today, but all I can think about is jumping infront of the trains. I feel like all the people around me know my thoughts.

Oh Messupmum I'm so sorry you feel like this. I think you need to call your team, maybe they could tweak your medication. In the meantime can you distract yourself with a puzzle or a game on your phone? Candycrush is good.

The people t

Sorry posted too soon. The people round you don't know your thoughts. They are probably wrapped up in themselves anyway so try not to worry about that.

Hope today was ok. To get through it, no matter what the thoughts is a good step forward. Can you tell your Cpn what you are managing to do but what you struggle with, such as you can do a day trip but struggle with thoughts and perhaps the Cpn can reassure you or suggest mantras that help or strategies.

Agree looking at medication could help. Are you on any antipsychotics, as you do not need to be psychotic for them to help.

Just checking in to say hi OP. Great you had a day out. Hope you chilled a bit. Dark thoughts are just dark thought sometimes and can become a kind of habit. Our minds can get bad habits but don't worry about that in itself. I think you are doing great keeping in touch with friends.

I am so sorry you feel this way OP. I have struggled on and off with depression for years. I know it seems hopeless but there will come a time when you do feel better.Take care x

Hope you are feeling a bit better this morning OP.

I'm sorry, feel such a failure. In a similar place again, doing similar things. Trying to write things down to get some perspective and possibly show the psych, but my minds getting all muddled. Going to go out for a walk, I need to have that feeling of being alone in the dark and quiet streets, a hint of what it could be like not to be here anymore.

Do you have an appointment soon with a psychiatrist? Would be good for them to get a review of your medication as there is so much they can do with different medications and changes. Do you have any prn medication, I.e. a small dose of different medication to take when things are worse as that might be an option to add in?

I don't have any prn medication, but am due to see psychiatrist this week.

Just been walking, by fields, was so quiet. Now back at home but feel suffocated. Don't want this anymore. I shouldn't be a mum like this, it's not right. I don't want to go forever, but if that is the only way out of this then that will have to be.

Messupmum it is not the only way, It might seem impossible at the moment but you will feel better than this. I know people who had similar feelings to you a year or two ago and they are so happy now.

Please call Samaritans or you can email them if you don't want to talk. I am thinking of you.

samaritans