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Original poster

I just did something (triggering)

341 replies

Messupmum · 09/08/2013 19:40

I don't know if I need help or not. I tied a ligature around my neck so tight - I did it twice. The second I struggled to undo it.

I'm kind of scared, but I felt a sense of calm too. Don't really think I'm having normal thoughts. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 10/08/2013 21:11

Honey, you have said nothing on here that even hints at who you are.

What medication are you on? how long have you been taking them?

Please keep posting here - its distracting if nothing else, can you tell us what has made you feel this way or is this a long term illness?

You know you shouldn't be alone don't you? Is your friend coming?

thornrose · 10/08/2013 21:16

Your posts don't give anything away.

Original poster
Messupmum · 10/08/2013 21:46

My god I'm losing it. My friends round but this is awful!

OP posts:
thornrose · 10/08/2013 21:51

What's happening?

LEMisdisappointed · 10/08/2013 22:08

Am glad your friend is there, but really, would you not feel safer in hospital, can you call the crisis team?

Its up to you of course, but please know that you can ask to be admitted if you feel you need to be.

Caster8 · 10/08/2013 22:21

I too am wondering if you would feel safer in hospital and thus have less paranoia.

thornrose · 10/08/2013 22:22

I told them everything, but they seem to think I am responsible and able to make decisions.

Can you tell them that's not the case?

Accentuatethepositive · 10/08/2013 22:34

I don't know what to suggest that can help but can you confide in your friend and get them to get you more support? Show them this thread if it's too hard to find the words? Perhaps that's a stupid idea, I don't know.

Still thinking of you and hoping you can find a way to start feeling better very soon.

HoopersGinger · 10/08/2013 22:55

Stop thinking you have to control this by yourself. You need help and you need to feel safe and not be alone. Nothing gives a clue about your identity on here. Tell your friend you need more help to get you through the night. Would you walk away from a friend who needed you? I think you would stay to see them through and I think you should definitely give your friend the chance to do that for you or to get you some more help tonight.

Caster8 · 10/08/2013 22:57

Last night you said that you were scared to go to hospital. What do you find scary about that. Have you been in there before and it was scary?

Caster8 · 10/08/2013 23:00

[Not saying that you should go to hospital right now] As I said earlier, I dont know as much about that as some people on here probably do.

Original poster
Messupmum · 10/08/2013 23:17

I tied a ligature again, why can't I just go to bed and go to sleep. I rang the crisis team and they said the person on call is out and can I call back in an hour. Now I'm worried they'll phone and if I don't answer straight away they'll ring my next of kin. Such a mess.

OP posts:
HoopHopes · 10/08/2013 23:25

Hi, did your friend stay? Could you go and stay with someone tonight or would that mean getting your children out of bed. Am not sure if you are a single parent or just Alone tonight but is there a partner or a relative that could come and stay with you.

Crisis teams visit people in their homes so can be out but they will always have someone to answer the phone so do phone back if you need to before an hour. Have you tried phoning the Samaritans as just talking to them can distract, help and fill the gap of the hour?

HoopersGinger · 10/08/2013 23:58

Really pleased to hear you rang the crisis team. You're on the right path. You're keeping your head above water and you really deserve the best help you can get.

Accentuatethepositive · 11/08/2013 00:17

I hope you get through to the crisis team soon. Still wishing you well.

Original poster
Messupmum · 11/08/2013 04:32

I've been awake for the last hour and a half. I don't know how it has got this bad. It just sort of happened, maybe it's my fault, I'm letting the bad thoughts win.

Heard footsteps outside then they stopped, and I was picturing someone standing watching my home. I thought about going to a&e and saying how desperate I am, but then have doubts whether I'm ill or not. I look ok, so they'll just say go home and sleep.

OP posts:
Accentuatethepositive · 11/08/2013 07:34

It's not your fault. This isn't something you can deal with by yourself. If you need to go to a&e you should go.

What did the crisis team say? did you get through in the end?

Hope you're ok OP.

If you are still feeling desperate and dont feel you can go to a&e or speak to the crisis team, why not call the Samaritans and talk it through with them? 08457 90 90 90

Caster8 · 11/08/2013 07:46

I hope you have had a little sleep.

If you find yourself in a bad way today, please do go to a&e.

I have been talking to people on the Mental Health baord long enough to know that a lot of them have low self esteem.
So you are not unusual in that respect. People at A&E who would deal with what you are going through will not think you are wasting their time, or that you are at fault in some way.

HoopHopes · 11/08/2013 14:28

Hope some sleep has helped a bit. For me things always worse at night and lack of sleep does not help anyone. Are the crisis team coming today? Do you start the day hospital when discharged from the crisis team? Hope you can be honest to people around you.

Can you plan some nice things out of the house with your children today to help distract you?

HoopersGinger · 11/08/2013 17:47

Hey, hope you're managing to relax today and take responsibility for getting the right help. You're doing great calling the team last night x

Original poster
Messupmum · 11/08/2013 22:56

I went to the day hospital today, got to go tomorrow. Too tired and fed up to say much more. My heads a mess, I can't think.

OP posts:
HoopHopes · 11/08/2013 23:00

Good to hear you did not have to wait for access for the day hospital ( where I live it is only Mon-fri 9-4) so pleased for you that you got that extra support you needed strait away.

Hope you get some good rest and sleep and day hospital keeps you safe tomorrow.

Caster8 · 11/08/2013 23:13

I am glad that you went to the day hospital today and are going tomorrow. I think that was the right decision, and well done for taking that decision. And thank you for letting us know.

Original poster
Messupmum · 12/08/2013 06:41

My mind is playing tricks on me. It's making objects jump all around the room, over the walls, when they can't really be moving.

I think it's my body's way of telling me I'm not going to get better, it keeps giving me new signs, that I don't need to be here anymore. Otherwise I'm just going to get worse. Feel so disorientated.

OP posts:
AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 12/08/2013 07:04

Oh Messupmum I'm so sorry you feel like this. I wish I could give you a hug. You feel disorientated because you are not well.

You do need to be here for your DC. You will know that when you feel better.

Could you call your crisis team or the Samaritans?