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Original poster

I just did something (triggering)

341 replies

Messupmum · 09/08/2013 19:40

I don't know if I need help or not. I tied a ligature around my neck so tight - I did it twice. The second I struggled to undo it.

I'm kind of scared, but I felt a sense of calm too. Don't really think I'm having normal thoughts. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Caster8 · 09/08/2013 23:44

You are not letting people down. You are just not feeling quite right, right now.
Is it all right if I pray for you and your family?

goodasitgets · 09/08/2013 23:47

I am at work tonight. If you don't want to ring an ambulance yourself please PM me and I can get one to you

thornrose · 09/08/2013 23:54

Are you on your own now? How are you feeling?

HoopersGinger · 09/08/2013 23:55

Posting here is your best idea all night. . We are all here to listen and not to judge. Take a deep breath and look at the clouds again. We're all breathing the same air as you and we're all here.

sittinginthesun · 09/08/2013 23:57

Keep talking on here, we're all listening.

HoopersGinger · 10/08/2013 00:01

And don't even think about doing yourself in. Never a good idea if you are a parent. Suicide is contagious. It passes through generations because of the grief it spawns. Whatever you might think about your self worth right now you should concentrate on not handing down that legacy to your children.

Original poster
Messupmum · 10/08/2013 00:02

Im just walking, I don't know where, i'm tired but can't sleep. It's so quiet.

OP posts:
thornrose · 10/08/2013 00:03

Do you want to tell us a bit about yourself? Or your lovely children, how old are they?

Original poster
Messupmum · 10/08/2013 00:09

I've name changed so don't want to give too much away. Just sat by the woods, it's so peaceful. I wish I could just stay here forever, not having to fight this anymore.

OP posts:
thornrose · 10/08/2013 00:11

Oh sorry, I didn't think of that.

shufflehopstep · 10/08/2013 00:26

Please don't do this. You are the most important person in your children's lives. They love you and need you. Whatever happens, you will always be their heroine. Please stick around to watch them grow into beautiful adults.

HoopersGinger · 10/08/2013 00:45

Hi, is it a clear night where you are? It's really fresh here. A nice night for a walk. I am just off out with the dog.

HoopersGinger · 10/08/2013 00:58

Messupmun are you still out? What happened earlier today? Now you're here get it off your mind if you want.

Twirlygig · 10/08/2013 00:59

OP you are brave. And you are loved. Do you think you could give the Samaritans a call? They're on 08457 90 90 90. Sending you strength xxx

superlambanana · 10/08/2013 01:03

Hope you're ok OP. I know a bit of what it's like to feel in that weird, not really thinking straight phase. You just have to acknowledge that you aren't thinking straight, and even if something is telling you to do something drastic, that is your brain not working properly. The right thing is to dial 999. Your children need you.

HoopersGinger · 10/08/2013 01:29

Still here when you are. Anyone else still around ?

thornrose · 10/08/2013 01:30

I'm still about.

TeaAndSconesTwice · 10/08/2013 01:32

Hi op how was your walk? Are you home yet?

HoopersGinger · 10/08/2013 01:44

Will check this thread 1st thing. Please say hi OP. It wasn't a bad idea to talk on here. It was a great idea. Shall we all check in tomorrow if OP isn't back tonight?

Original poster
Messupmum · 10/08/2013 07:33

Sorry I must have gone to sleep when I got back, had a restless night, didn't sleep much. I woke up and couldn't remember what was real and what was a dream.

My chest hurts, my leg hurts. Can't remember if I did take too many meds or not. Crisis team are visiting this morning so I know I need to be honest. I know I need help but it feels surreal, like this isn't happening to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Messupmum · 10/08/2013 07:36

Also thank you all for the support, it helped me to talk here last night.

OP posts:
Caster8 · 10/08/2013 07:40

Halleluya. Wonderful.
I have been sat here this morning hoping you would post. I had mixed feelings on whether you would. So glad you have.

As I said before, things can be fixed. They really can.

Glad the crisis team are visiting. And yes, please be honest with them. This may all feel like a long process, but you can get there.

You can talk about some things on here if you want to. Or not. You sound drained.

Toomuch2young · 10/08/2013 07:43

Well done for making it though the night, today's a new start and help is coming. Wishing you all the best OP.

HoopersGinger · 10/08/2013 08:29

Morning OP, so pleased to hear you're going to be honest so you can get the help you need. Thinking of you.

thornrose · 10/08/2013 09:00

Well done, I hope you get the help you need Flowers