Please help, I'm a total mess after counselling

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

My second counselling session was this morning and it has totally floored me. I am shaking like mad, can't think straight and have spent the last hour vomiting.
I hate talking about what happened, actually that's a lie, I CAN'T talk about it. I hate dragging it all to the front of my mind and ending up like this. Does it get any easier? I don't think I can do this anymore. I want to curl up in a ball and never wake up.

Cuppa, it's not how you were living, it was the knowledge/life experience you had at 16. I had a child at 16 but I had none of the knowledge/life experience I have now at 34.

Part of the inner child therapy is to mother yourself, do the things for your inner child that you she wants a mum to do.

I understand everything you're saying and I was where you are a year ago. I didn't think it would get better but it has. Learning to forgive myself has been a big part of

You deserve to forgive yourself

Can you write down that you were abused and show the gp?

The gp knows what happened (well, the bare minimum) I just oh I don't even know what I want to say. I'm just such a mess.

You are not a mess, you are doing amazingly well and showing great strength in the face of an awful situation.

I don't think you have to say a lot to the GP- would you maybe be able to say what I suggested in my previous post this evening? I would hope that will be enough (please do say, if anyone disagrees). If not, would you like us to help you work out what to say?

Wantto, I think (I hope) I am just going to tell them that I want to commit suicide. I do not want to be here anymore, I am holding on by a thread.

That's all you need to say cuppa, it's the truth of the situation and your GP will help you when they realise how low you are feeling. If they ask for details that you can't face giving, just reiterate what you have said......

Don't be 'British' about things and put on a brave face.

I really hope that by the time you face tomorrow evening there will be more of a plan in place to help you feel better.

Thankyou x I just hope you are right. I'm in a bit of a state again so I'm sorry if I don't post any more tonight

Thankyou x I just hope you are right. I'm in a bit of a state again so I'm sorry if I don't post any more tonight

Don't apologise cuppa, this is your thread, to post on when suits you.

The flashbacks won't go on forever, it's just now that you have to deal with and that's obviously very very hard... one last thought, with a similar (although not as bad) thing I found it best not to fight the mental images, just let them be, however awful. I found fighting them or trying to distract myself just gave them more power/ persistence. Can you stop fighting the flashbacks and at the same time try to stay with the love you have for your dd, and her love and need for you? Although I think from what you said that's basically what you've been doing... I'm not sentimental/ romantic but I do believe that real love can redeem anything. I hope tonight is a bit easier.

Hi Cuppa, sorry I disappeared, I hope you've gone to bed now and having a good sleep. I hope you can get the help you need tomorrow. mummy, wanto, nature are all reaching out to you with excellent advice, there are options and choices out there for you to help you rebuild your future. You can do it just like they have. Take a deep breath tomorrow, think of us all out there cheering you on and be brave x

Good luck with GP this morning cuppa.

Yes, good luck OP. take care.

Cuppa, hope you're ok this morning.

The flashbacks can stop, I agree that sometimes these things resurface because you're in a place where you can deal with them, even though it feels like you can't - but you need help to do so.

I hope the GP can help you to get you through this crisis time at least and give you a bit more time to find some proper help that will be useful longterm. xx

Oh god I feel sick and shaking like mad. I managed to get a telephone appointment early this morning, I must have sounded as mad as box of frogs as she arranged a home visit.
She has given me a prescription for diazepam to take if needed and given me the number for the crisis team. She said she was making an urgent referral to the community mental health team. I think that's what she said, I couldn't really concentrate properly. Hopefully someone from there is going to phone me this afternoon.
God I am such a mess

Oh god I feel sick and shaking like mad. I managed to get a telephone appointment early this morning, I must have sounded as mad as box of frogs as she arranged a home visit.
She has given me a prescription for diazepam to take if needed and given me the number for the crisis team. She said she was making an urgent referral to the community mental health team. I think that's what she said, I couldn't really concentrate properly. Hopefully someone from there is going to phone me this afternoon.
God I am such a mess

Oh cuppa :( I know it doesn't seem like it but this is a good thing, it honestly is. They will help you. They are listening.

Bit confused, do you mean the home visit has already happened? xxx

Sorry, yes the gp has already been. This is awful

Why is it awful? it sounds like they are trying to help?

Oh I didn't mean they are awful, sorry I'm not making any sense today. I just mean the situation, I feel awful. I am so scared. I just want a rest from it.

Oh I didn't mean they are awful, sorry I'm not making any sense today. I just mean the situation, I feel awful. I am so scared. I just want a rest from it.

Phone the crisis team. The GP gave you the number for a reason, use it.
You will be ok. But you need to talk to someone who can help you, you don't need to talk about your underlying problems but you do need to cover this crisis.

PLease phone them, cuppa. xx

Cuppa I do hope you get some really effective help soon. Don't forget that if you aren't being helped by whatever medication/ counselling/ therapy is offered there are always other options, you can ask for referral elsewhere. Different therapies suit different people, and there are many available on the nhs. Wishing you all the best

Ok, sorry, the diazepam should help a bit, have you spoken to the crisis team?

Telling them about the flashbacks you don't have to describe it at all and asking for "grounding techniques" might help. These are things which help, like Mummy says, you to "ride" out a flashback, it gives you some control back.

How are you feeling now?

I just wanted to say how brave you are being. I know you don't feel like it, but the fact you're opening up and telling the professionals how bad you feel is massive. It is so scary, but much much better than hiding it. xxx