Cybergarden: Spring into Summer

[Upwardandonward]

Here's a new thread for us.

Goodnight all (tired).

Thank you so much for replying everyone, much appreciated.

To be honest, just the fact that people have taken the time to reply means a lot.

I can see my situation isn't similar to other people's on here, but I know I will benefit from the mutual support.....to know that I'm in people's thoughts.

What I need to do is to leave ex-p alone for now. I need to place less importance on what he thinks and worry about him less, but it's easier said than done.

We will need to co-parent together, and I'm sure.....in time..... We can do that, but the fact it might take a while is something that causes me worry if only there was a quick cure to these things aye?!

Thank you for including me and I hope you all sleep well xxxxx

Morning all, from me :)

Feeling much stronger today. I'm a tad annoyed about this whole Jubilee thing, because it's two bank holidays in a row and I need to get a doctor's appointment. I think I'm getting some complications from my gallbladder removal. It was taken out a month ago and over the past few days my digestive system seems to have given up :(

Spongeroberta welcome to the garden, I'm fairly new myself but these ladies are so wonderful to talk to. I'm currently going through my latest bout of anxiety and depression myself. It's continuing to be difficult day to day, but it does get better, I promise.

I think what you should focus on for the time being is that your ex-p has only just come back into yours and your DS's life. That's a huge thing to deal with, after 6 years of having him to yourself. I think you need to focus on that - you cared for your son for 6 years without your ex-p's approval. You can look after your son.

Of course having your ex-p back is going to throw you off balance - he's your DS's dad, and it's extremely admirable that you are allowing him to become part of your son's life again. You need to get some more confidence in how you do things. I noticed from your post that you've been contacting your ex-p quite a bit, and allowed him to make you feel guilty about putting your son into foster care. Please don't feel bad about that. You did what you believed was right at the time, and your son needs you to get better. While you are recovering, he is in a safe place and being cared for. That is the only thing that matters.

I realise it's easier said than done, but try not to place too much emphasis on what your ex-p is saying, and try not to rely on him so much. You are a strong woman who has been bringing up your son on your own. Of course in time you and ex-p will be able to co-parent together. It will take time, and I know it's hard, but you will get there.

Showtime congrats on your new ISP Hoping you are having a positive day. I think we can all agree that you are the best at flowers in the cybergarden!

futuredream I hope you have a good week this week. We are here if you need to vent (or if you wish to sneak into the cybergarden for a bit of time to relax). Wonderful to hear about your tadpoles, there is a pond not far from where we live at present and the frogs always come and say hello :)

Nilgiri Hoping you are feeling positive as well this week you distract the others while I get some cake, we can eat it behind that tree

Apologies for the rambling post, have another as you all probably finished the first one after reading that marathon post!

Oh, also got some good news yesterday - I got the results back from my first essay and I PASSED! Now I just need to stop obsessively worrying about the other one...

Positivity and calming thoughts to all xx

Thank you Afternoondelight

Thank you for lovely warmpost last night , Songeroberta* - I saw but pc froze . - but was glad you knew people here are thinking of you atm .

You clearly know your best course of action , but looking back at things did when very anxious , I used to analyse the situation & plan tactics , or ways of keeping things as simple as possible , but still make risky decisions as my judgement was so messed up & I trusted people who didn't have my interests at heart ...Sso , so agree you can't blame yourself at all for times of uncertainty , which you sound incredibly strong about , but you will need to
try to protect yourself as far as possible -, further than you may feel is truly necessary . .

Sorry that the possibility that progress in coparenting might have to be really slow , is so worrying ...the pressure of the situation showed through in your post , but how much of it is absolutely necessary , you will of course need to keep re assessing . .
Sorry for garbeled English.

The digestive problems sounds hellish , AfternoonD* , & a real dilemma as to whether to call OOH , if ill for days . Recommend doing an advanced search as I have seen threads in General Health from people having trouble after the op -hope soon goes .

Very well done on the essay ! Amazing during such a month
< cyberfroglets strike up chorus >

Thank you future dream, much appreciated. I suffer from anxiety/depression, but my DS's Dad suffers from MH problems too.

His ex girlfriend text me earlier saying she hasnt heard from him for 2 days and wondered if I had at all. I kept my replies as brief as possible as I don't want to get involved in it. She said she will let me know if she hears from him. I hope he's ok, but know he wants to be left alone.

Been a bit of a teary day today Just had tears on and off about the whole situation, so taking it easy and staying in watching crappy telly. I'll go out tomorrow, but sometimes my house is like my safe place

I know all the usual stuff about exercise and distraction helping, but today I just feel very flat and I certainly don't want to run into anyone I know ( the "how are you" etc would be too much ) I also want to avoid the jubilee parties and happy people.

I know that sounds a bit mad, but for today, I know what I need to do.

I hope his Dad is ok and I am worried

It sounds as though your instincts of self-preservation are really heathy here, Spongeroberta , and you are doing amazingly well with all the events , but agree you need to keep being incredibly clear and strong in your objectives < strengthening vibes >

Sorry DS's Dad has MH issues to contend with- hope he's receiving support from services ? I think people aren't so much happy at jubileec elebrations , but broke and needing something to occupy the family ....s

Will not be able to be around much now , but hope you can keep the hatches battened down the hatches if people contact you again
.
It has helped me ( am probably a fair bit older than you ) to think in terms of looking back at your life , years later, and realising why things happened as they did - and of course we realise that our efforts born of anxiety couldn't affect the outcome . Stay strong ,but don't reproach yourself for slipups .

Thank you again, I was really weak and text him asking if he wanted to meet for coffee tomorrow...........2 hrs and no reply.

I hate the fact I think about him SO much, gets me down

You can't control your thoughts Spongeroberta , but it's vital to place far less importance on them < hard won >.

It's so much against your interests and m h to contact him . Can you work out strategies with your co ordinator for these times ? And keep your phone in a way you have to go through several stages to actally use it ?

Hope we all have a peaceful night < felines hunt under the full moon >

< puts out pot of hot chocolate >

Goodnight all , with love to Upward as always

Future my dear, you sound exHAUSTED. You are so generous and giving all the time, and we all benefit so much from your care and advice and Slug of Doom removal. We'll miss your cheery voice but I really hope you can rest a lot in this coming week.

Oh god, that reminds me of when I lived on the edge of a desert, and my $%@& neighbour had a pond that attracted every frog for miles (why were there frogs on the edge of the desert at all?!!). Loud, irregular parpings rang across the still night air till the small hours - when the sodding cockerels would take over. Did no one tell them they're supposed to be dawn birds, and tuneful amphibians?

Showtime hope you've had some sunshine today, and been able to step out in it between dormousing. This is such strange weather - incredibly we had the heating on for an hour today.

Upward, hope you've been keeping warm enough through all this chill.

AfternoonD, wow, congratulations about essay! As Future says, such an achievement during a month like this one.

Spongeroberta, sorry today has been so tearful. Tell me more about these distraction techniques you've been taught. Do any work just around the house, so you don't have to go out and be sociable (the horror!), but which might shift your focus for a while? I'm sorry, I have so little experience of pure anxiety I don't know how it works. But I'm sure Future's wise words are right for most occasions: "Stay strong, but don't reproach yourself for slipups."

Hope we all get restful and restorative sleep tonight, and wake tomorrow ready for a new day.

Morning all, a quiet morning for me, so will just sit under this tree for a while and be glad tadpoles aren't noisy.

Morning all,

The distraction techniques I was taught were a few years ago, but basically involves focusing your mind on something.......anything.........other than your anxieties. I do try but find it really, really hard.

This morning, I am say in tears as his Dad didn't message back last night. I'm desperate to ring him just to see if he answers, which he probably won't if he's in a low place and wants space.......then I'll be more upset

I hate feeling this way about him, it's like I can't function unless he is ok with me

Hope everyone is ok today xx

< emerges momentarily from mossy nest to retune amphibians , as even Nilgiri*'s thoughtful retuning is very noisy >
Morning all

Great to see you , Showtime - don't suppose it's anything but chilly where you are , hope you have nice pastimes today as well as chores and hope any errands aren't held up by long holiday

Spongeroberta , I've posted on your other thread your anxiety

< puts out more hot choc and s >

< adds applewood log on low fire >

Hope we all have a reasonably good day < retires gratefully to nestbox , after checking cyberhedge for stray desert fowl >

Ooh, hot choc! Thank you, future. Sorry amphibians too noisy and hope you're now dormousing cosily.

Quiet morning sounds a nice idea, Showtime. Is the long bank holiday disturbing your routine too much - or is a (short) diversion from the norm quite a good thing?

Spongeroberta, sounds like you're getting good specific advice on another thread. Do you want to use this one for distraction? In the cybergarden, we have a very beautiful Moorish fountain. This sort of thing. The sun catches the shallow water as it tinkles from the top, and ripples and slides in a glistening sheet over the intricate tile design.

It's a great place to just stare into the water, following the changing light and tracing the patterns, large and small, repeated in the tiles.

Waterfall sounds beautiful, I'll try and picture it

I've never been sure what it looks like! Sometimes it seems very blue to me, other times I see more reds and bright colours in the design.

And the birds come and dip on the edge, taking tiny mouthfuls.

< in bliss at beauty of light and patterns reflecting in fountain >

Hope you have a better afternoon , Spongeroberta , and I didn't mean to sound curt earlier - was sleepy

Nor did I mean to grump about carefully-conducted frog chorus < can't do wry grumbling in the written word >

s and elderflower cordiall , hoping Upward is relaxing with us

< returns to watch birds sipping - can bliss get better ?-and put out more cordial>

Thanks for all the good wishes, and the cordial from futuredream, ever hospitable. I got up when I woke up, sixish, and have been busy doing some messy cooking, as DB is due later this week, plus skyping a recently widowed friend in Mediterranean who's having dramas.

Sitting under this tree is an excellent idea, and thanks to Nilgiri for reminding me about our lovely fountain.

Oh dear, sorry to hear your friend is having dramas, Showtime.

Is DB coming Thursday, then? I wonder what treats are in store for him.

Hello all, I'm Beginning to understand how the Cybergarden works......I think.

Which images/scenes have people found most helpful? Is it like visualising? How had it helped you all.

Please excuse the questions.....just as a newcomer I'm getting to grips with it.

Hope everyone is ok xxx

Am just too exhausted at present, and will try posting tomorrow. Goodnight all, and love to upward.

Hi alls

Goodnight Showtime , hope you sleep well and wake refreshed

Hi Spongeroberta* - am just trying to get brain to work so can try part of the answer Is it like visualising ? for mee at least , not as much as you might think , for me at least ... more like thinking of somewhere you actually know . It's more about knowing good-hearted friends are there , whether or not yu have the energy to chat

Central thing here really is to be able to feel the power of nature

Sorry , fellow gardeners wiill be able to express it better

Well when we started it was just a nice peaceful place to come and chill out. The weather was rotten and still is, several of us have mobility probs, so visualising stuff has been a nice change of scene...

We've tried to keep things fairly positive, and a bit of an escape from whatever awful stuff is going on.

But it's also been useful for discussing actual problems. I'm not sure there are rules, as such!

I haven't read your other thread, but can see you might find it handy to have a diary-type thread that's all about you, where you can "get stuff out" without actually texting exP. Then pop in here for a and a bit of mellow escapism or wittering about the weather!

Heh, x-posted with Futuredream, who has expressed it better than me!