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Mental health

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Original poster

Calling Maddie 04!

275 replies

NanaNina · 23/02/2011 15:16

Hi Maddie - hope you don't think I'm stalking you but you left 2 sad faces (well I think that's what they were) a while ago and no text. Just wondering how you are - hope you're feeling better than me as I am having a ghastly time at the moment. Can you come back and let me know?

OP posts:

natsyloo · 09/03/2011 08:42

Maddie, in no way are you disappointing us-and we won't stop listening because we care. Find the courage to make the call, please. Do it for yourself and your children. If you let yourself be helped it will get better. You can do it x

kizzie · 09/03/2011 12:53

Hi Maddie - its not in anyway about disappointing us. Just about you getting the help you deserve.
I dont have as much access to computer at the moment so not able to post as much - and didnt want you to think I was ignoring you if I dont appear. I hope the next few days get easier xx

maddie04 · 09/03/2011 22:50

Hi all, my cpn is coming out again next week and I will give it another go at trying to tell her how i feel.
Thank you all so much for caring. xxxxxxxxxxxx

natsyloo · 10/03/2011 19:22

That's really good Maddie - you'll get there, you just have to be kind to yourself and take it step by step.

Keep us posted. BIG hugs x

maddie04 · 11/03/2011 22:49

Thanks Natsyloo your all so caring.
Im having such a bad night tonight its awful not been feeling too great so maybe thats why im a bit panicky and down everyone in my house goes to bed so early i get scared to be on my own xxxx

natsyloo · 12/03/2011 16:02

Night time can be hard when you feel panicky - can you leave a nice lamp on, listen to upbeat music or watch TV to keep yourself distracted?

Failing that, try and just focus on breathing calmly to bring the panic down and feel more in control.

Not long till your CPN visit and then you can tell her how you feel xx

Original poster

NanaNina · 13/03/2011 17:28

Hi MADDIE - just back from my trip to Ireland which was ok but had a couple of anxious days, but lovely seeing my grandchidren, although the baby has a sickness bug.

Maddie can you try writing down what you feel to give to the CPN and then she will be able to ask you about your feeings, which will mean you haven;t got to "start it off" if you know what I mean.

It is best if it is a list like this

not eating - 3 days without food
like not to eat as it makes me feel in control
can't cope with my life
everything is a big struggle
want to hide away from everythimg
scared to tell you how i really feel.
often feel panicky
feel very depressed
no interst in anything
sometimes think it would be better if I wasn't here

Can you try and add anything else Maddie (do it on here if you like) or show your CPN this thread. I know a lot of people who have found it easier to do this than to talk about their feelings.

Let us know if there is anything else we can do to help.

Are you on the right dose/type of meds

Could your OH talk to the CPN and tell her how you really are. Is he supportive/sympathetic Maddie. Sorry I don't mean to the firing questions at you but I've just been wondering about these things.

Sending warm wishes and hope to hear from you soon.

Hi NL - hope all is well with you.

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maddie04 · 13/03/2011 23:07

Hi NanaNina glad you had a good time in Ireland, sorry to hear you had a few anxious days but if your'e anything like me I like to be at my own home and in my own bed!!

I think your idea of writing things down will really help so im going to give it a try, but will she not think im stupid when i give it to her.

My OH is sort of supportive but then that would be a whole other topic lol, and if he was to talk to my cpn he would just tell her absolutely everything I do and say x x x

Love Maddie x x x x

Original poster

NanaNina · 13/03/2011 23:25

Hi Maddie - and yes I like to be at home and in my own bed which is my safe place, where I retreat whenI am at my lowest.

Glad you are going to give it a try - writing things down. And Maddie NO NO NO she will not think you are stupid. Her job is to support people with mental illness. If you had tonsillitis or chest infection and wrote your symptoms down, you wouldn't think the dr would think you were stupid would you. I honestly know how difficult it can be when we are depressed as (like you) I have felt that drs and nurses were going to be angry with me and just attention seeking. I know now that was the depression "talking" but I didn't know it at the time. It's actually another sympton of depression that you feel you can't tell your CPN how you are really feeling.

If your H would tell her everything you do and say, is it such a bad idea for him to do that?

SO go for it next week Maddie or show her the thread if you can't bring yourself to talk, or show her the list. You could give her the list as soon as she comes in and then you've got it over with. Will be very proud of you if you can do it.....

Sending warm wishes and take good care NN xx

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maddie04 · 13/03/2011 23:32

Thank you NanaNina you are so kind, she is coming out Tuesday again and I will really try my best.

Just want you to know that If I hadn't wrote on here and got the most wonderful advice from you and others then I probably wouldn't be here right now, I just want to thank you for all the time you have taken over me when you dont even know me xxxxx

I will let you know how it goes on tues and I really want to come back and tell you that I wrote my list and gave it to her, so I will try my best (god I think i might even eat something tomorrow lol)

Take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster

NanaNina · 14/03/2011 14:17

Oh Maddie - no problems at helping - that's what is so good about this MH thread. I may not post much about myself but I get a great deal of support from reading threads, especially when they are discussing my own MH problem, the fluctuations of trying to recover from depression and anxiety.

Also Maddie I get a great deal for myself by helping others, as that has been what I devoted 30 years of my working life to and am now retired and by MNing mostly on MH thread makes me feel more like me, so there is a purpose to my posting. However thank you for your kind words, especially as I am feeling a bit low today.

Now how about that list Maddie (I'm not going to stop nagging you!) needs to be done today doesn't it, to hand over tomorrow. So let me know when you have done it! And if you could eat something that would be brilliant........go for it Maddie xx

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natsyloo · 14/03/2011 17:47

Hi Maddie, just wanted to check in and say hope it goes well with your CPN. NN really knows what she's talking about so take guidance from her.

If I were you I'd write the list now - it might actually help you to feel a bit better - and hey it's one less job to do tomorrow. In fact, if you just leave it out it means you don't have to summon courage to show it to your CPN because it will be there waiting for her - then it's all done.

Like NN says, MN is good for us too - we've all had very valuable support from other mums so it's nice to help others when we can and give something back.

Thinking of you xx

Original poster

NanaNina · 15/03/2011 18:30

Maddie - please come back and let us know how you are. It doesn't matter what happened about a list or what you said (or didn't say) to the CPN. Natsyloo, Kizzie and myself are all concerned for you and will support you whatever.

How are you feeling today?

OP posts:

natsyloo · 15/03/2011 18:35

hi maddie, as nn says, we're all looking out for you xx

madmouse · 15/03/2011 18:39

here's another one who wants to hear how it has gone today x

maddie04 · 15/03/2011 22:06

Im so sorry I feel awful, so much help yet I dont give anything back thank you all for your help but I am just a disgrace.I have realised I will never be able to do anything right, NN im so sorry xx

natsyloo · 15/03/2011 22:13

Maddie,pls stop being so hard on yourself. We don't want anything back-we just want to know you're ok. Promise. Don't apologise, just reassure us that you're looking out for yourself and taking it easy. Xx

natsyloo · 15/03/2011 22:13

Original poster

NanaNina · 15/03/2011 22:17

Oh Maddie - you absolutely don't need to say sorry to me, or anyone else. Was your CPN any help? What meds are you on Maddie and have you ever been seen by a psychiatrist.

You are not a disgrace, you are a young woman struggling with the effects of a traumatic childhood, 4 children, depression and possibly an eating disorder. Many people can't cope with one of those things and it is small wonder you are in such a state. Asfor your thoughts than you will never do anything right, that is the depression "talking" and because of your experiences you have low self esteem, but you must try not to beat yourself up so much. Try to be kinder to yourself.

How about posting just 1 thing about yourself that is positive. You never know we might be able to make a positive list!

Take care and keep in touch. Many of us are concerned about you.

OP posts:

maddie04 · 15/03/2011 22:29

I lied lied lied all lies, told her I was fine

Never been seen by a psychiatrist
I can hardly even remember what she said to me, I think she is up to something

maddie04 · 16/03/2011 00:45

I know I have done wrong

madmouse · 16/03/2011 07:47

maddie you haven't done wrong in a 'bad girl' kind of way but you are not getting the help you so desperately need. Why did you lie?

You think your cpn is up to something - it is possible that she doesn't think that you are fine and will get back to you shortly.

Can you not lelt dp phone her please before this situation spirals out of control.

kizzie · 16/03/2011 13:55

Maddie - its not about you doing something 'wrong'. honestly. Its just about you getting the help you need and DESERVE. You deserve to be well and happy. But to do that you are going to have to ask for the help. Re. madmouse idea - is there someone else who could ring for you. DH or a friend or family member?
Thinking of you x

maddie04 · 16/03/2011 15:53

My cpn came back out today, I knew she was up to something, she said she is also coming back on friday.
Im feeling the more she is coming the more I want to push her away.
Im feeling ok today but so tired but im going to write my list and even if I dont give it to her at least I have wrote down how I feel.
Thanks everyone xx

madmouse · 16/03/2011 16:10

that is good Maddie x

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