Calling Maddie 04!

[NanaNina]

Hi Maddie - hope you don't think I'm stalking you but you left 2 sad faces (well I think that's what they were) a while ago and no text. Just wondering how you are - hope you're feeling better than me as I am having a ghastly time at the moment. Can you come back and let me know?

Hi both .

NN - glad things bit better today. Hope it improves again tomorrow.

Maddie - hope you have managed ok today x

Sorry everyone feel tke lowest ever , I will be back soon hopefully so so sorry x x x

Love to al xxxxxx

Keep going Maddie - one foot in front of the other. You dont need to say sorry. xxx

it's all about peaks and troughs Maddie, the sunshine will come out again. You're doing really well xxx

NN-how are you today? sorry you're having a rough time.

K-am afraid I can't copy and paste the article - there is a big pic of me and my ds and our names are all over it. it's really just telling my story and being v candid about my feelings then saying there is a lack of local support and many mums fall under the radar. Had 5 mummies at our group yesterday - one said her mum has torn out the article and told her to come :)

xx

You don't need to say sorry Maddie - we all understand. I have had a mega awful morning and plumber here who thinks he's being funny but isn't and I couldn't face seeing him so stayed in bed till 2.30. Cried (a lot) on DPs shoulder - thank god I have him. Went to bed last night feeling fine and for once optimistic about a good day today - should know by now not to be optimistic. Just started to lift a bit, but all the crying has given me a migraine and so feel totally washed out.

Can't imagine how I would cope with small children like you have to Maddie.

Hi Natsy - there have been one or two recent posts about young mums with PND and I have asked them to look out for you on the MH threads as I feel sure you could help. I have done my best but don't have any experience of PND but think the symptoms of depression are very similar whatever age. Really glad your group is going well - it was a brilliant idea of yours.

Come back when you can Maddie as I worry about you ....love NNxx

Sorry today been so difficult NN :-(. Your Dh sounds like a good support. Hope the headache eases really quickly.

Natsyloo totally understand. So fantastic that you've made such a big impact.

Hope you are ok maddie x

Hello all,

Maddie - how are you doing today?

NN - sorry to hear you've had a rough time. Without sounding like Pollyanna - I know the downs are horrible (I really do) but optimism is a good thing...positive thinking is like that little speck of light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far away.

No worries at all re referring PND mummies - I like to help where I can.

Poor DS has a chest infection and is weezing really badly - we've had nil sleep so are off to doctors this morning to see if it can be treated.

Sending you all love and non MN type hugs xx

I'm still here that's all I know, hope everyone is okay love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Maddie and natsy........nice to hear from you both. I've had a truly horrid weekend - worse one for ages but feel fair bit better today thanks. I am particularly anxious with Easter on the horizon because of remembering how terrible last Easter was and going into hospital etc etc. I am always susceptible to anniversaries. Will try to keep positive N but not always easy as you know.

Maddie - glad you are still here........is the CPN coming this week or have you decided against her help - hope not, but it is your choice of course. thinking of you and sending warm wishes to you. Love Nnxx

NN you sound like your going through a horrible time I hate when anniversaries are approaching (bad ones) but hopefully you can stay strong and think how far you have came in the last year and how much stronger you are going to get, I know its alright me saying that but hopefully you have some strength to believe it xxxxxx

Have you got anything nice planned for easter to take your mind off it xxxxx

Not seeing my cpn for 2 weeks, sometimes feel as though im back at the start though!!!!!! but i know im getting there xxxx

Natsy hope your DS is feeling better soonxxx

Kizzie hope you have a good day !
I'm so rubbish at advice lol xxx

dont think i can do this anymore I know i need to for my kids but its so hard day from hell doesnt come close x

Only just seen your posts Maddie. You sounded quite good on Monday's post but obviously down again today. Same here really, been up and down since last Thursday but Sat was my day from hell - just don't know where i am from day to day. I know you will understand this.

My son, dil and my 2 granchildren who live a long way from us are coming to spend Easter and much as I want to see them all, I am already worrying that I will be in another blip and won't be able to cope.

Anyway lovey glad you are seeing your CPN again.

I looked in my sent box and my nice messages were there but I couldn't work out how to send them again. Promise will do it again when I am feeling more human. It's usually about this time I start to feel a bit ok and then it's time for bed................ho hum pig's bum.................we will get b
better - we just don't know when. Take Care Maddie NNxx

Hi Kizzie and Natsy xx

Hi everyone,

Really sorry you're having a tough time - the downs are just unbearable aren't they? Especially magnified when you've had an 'alright' day too - so cruel.

You're both so lovely and such kind people - you deserve to feel better.

I'm having a tough couple of days too - DS has a chest infection, I've now got a cough and sore throat, knackered from no sleep and back to work on Monday so feeling a bit wobbly.

I've been reading through my CBT notes and particularly the ones re: tackling setbacks (blips in our world)..i've found it useful checking the triggers (which for me are tiredness, being alone too much, big changes and stress) so it makes sense with a combo of all those I feel poop.

DS and I are having a pyjama day today but may head out for fresh air later and a walk.

Hope you both feel better soon xx

Hi all - sorry about the blips all round .

NN - i think thats completely normal to have nervousness around anniversaries like that - it must have been such a hard time for you.

Natsyloo - really good idea to go back through your notes - and look at triggers and strategies. I have various books that i look back through when I need to.

Maddie - I know its really really hard to hang on to the good moments when you are still struggling but its really positive that on monday you were able to say 'i know im getting there' .

Hope you all have better day today x

Thanks Kizzie - still feeling really crap and spent a lot of time crying this morning, but had my DP to hold me. We have a plumber in the house and I really don't like him - he makes comments that he thinks are funny and they aren't so I'm quite paranoid about coming downstairs and he's going to be around for another couple of weeks.

Natsy - trouble is I can't identify triggers - never have been able to. My CPN keeps asking me about this and seems unable to understand that the blips come out of the blue, but that is what happens.

And Maddie thinking of you too and know things are really rough for you at the moment - just wish we all lived near each other and could support each other in RL but then again I suppose there is a benefit in being anonymous and allows us to say just what we think.

oh NN - tell that plumber to shove it up his u-bend! he's in your house so he should just shut up and get on with the job. Sorry things are tough - glad your DP is supporting you.

Maddie - how are you feeling now?

Natsy - you brought the first smile I've had all day with your comment about the plumber! I think I am a bit over sensitive, and my DP has told him I am a bit "touchy" at the moment. He says things like "blime me what time do ye call this" when I come down at mid-day and I don't answer. Today my DP said to him "can you just leave Nina alone, she's not feeling good" and that seemed to work.

Sorry you are having some physical illness stuff and going back to work is going to be quite a big deal isn't it. Who is caring for baba and do you feel happy about the arrangement. It will still be difficult though, so be gentle with yourself.

Any news from you would be good Maddie.

Love to you both NN x

ha ha - always like a good plumbing related joke! Glad he's not hounding you with so called 'amusing' lines.

I always knew I'd feel wobbly before going back to work so not doing too badly considering. Baba will be in nursery - he has a taster session tomorrow. I think he will enjoy it as he's pretty sociable and especially likes flirting with girl babies!

Look after yourself NN and let us know how you're doing, Maddie xx

Hi all I am so sorry I've not been on for couple of days been feeling a little down, been really struggling with things and finding things tough with the kids too, but I know you have all been having a tough time too and I hope you are all taking care of yourself xxxxx

NN how are you feeling, you have bee really good to me and I also wish that we lived closer, you can never have too much support especially as kind as you have been.......

I have been assigned a support worker but I am a little nervous as to what to expect from her, I just worry about everything xx

Natsyloo I bet your son will love nursery, just make sure you look after yourself and dont worry too much about him, even if he cries at the start I can assure you he will calm down they know how to make mums feel bad ( I used to work in a nursery before my family).
Hey Kizzie x x

Much love to all of you x x x x x

Good to hear from you Maddie. Glad you have posted as when you go quiet I sort of know things are really bad for you. I have had a horrible 7 days but have felt better in the evenings. My CPN is coming tomorrow and know she will be able to listen to my moans and encourage me to try to get through the setbacks and not thinking I am back on the starting blocks.

What kind of support worker have you been assigned Maddie. Is this someone to help with the children, as I'm sure you could do with that. Try not to be nervous because I'm sure she will be helpful and supportive. You could certainly use some support couldn't you. Are any of your children in nursery or pre-school.

Take care Maddie and come back and tell us about your support worker.

Love NN xx

Hi NanaNina it is a young families support worker and yes i think it is to just hel me out with the kids and yes it will be a great help, I just get nervous about everything........

How did things go with your cpn today? are you still seeing the same cpn or is it the new 1? Hope you are feeling a little bit better and having a nice day xxxxxxx sending you lots of hugs

I,ve got a wee pm for you but I will write it later as kids want me to build them a castle lol speak soon xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lovely to hear from you Maddie. Afraid had the day from hell today and have cried so much my head and all my body is aching. My nice CPN came and she was lovely as usual but always gives me the same message, about not dwelling on negative thoughts which will make me more anxious which will produce more negative thoughs and I will go round and round in a negative circle. Can see the sense in this but it's so hard when you feel so crap isn't it. Unfortunately she had a phone call and had to leave after 30 mins for an urgent visit on someone - she usually stays almost 2 hours.

You sound a bit better or as you say in Scotland a wee bit better! Glad you have a support worker for the children, that should help you get a bit more space for yourslef.

Hope you know how to build a castle!
Feeling a bit more human now as usually do in the evening.

Love NN xx

Hi Nina - Im sorry its been such a miserable week for you :-(. Your CPn sounds lovely but its a real shame she couldnt stay longer today. I know what you mean about having a bit of a break from it in the evening. I think thats what keeps me going on some of the bad days - just knowing that things might not be quite as bad later. Im really keeping my fingers crossed that things will be much better next week x

Maddie - the young families support worker sounds like a great idea. Hope it ends up neing a really big help for you x

Hi girls, just checking in. Sounds like it's been a tough week all round-hurray for a new week and a fresh start.

DS went to nursery today for the first time and my head got in a silly pickle.a core part of my pnd has been irrational thoughts re bonding and panicking I don't love my DS as I should. One scenario has been round nursery and worrying I won't miss him or want to collect him. I know that sounds horrid. I felt sad when I left him but he cried an awful lot and when I picked him up I just kept checking how I felt a ridiculous amount of times and confusing myself. My therapist says this is hypervigilance and part of my anxiety issues.

I guess I just feel annoyed with myself for slipping back into old ways.

The PND group is going well but when I'm having a wobble it makes me feel like a bit of a fraud as I think I'm not going to recover while I'm promising other people in the next breath that they will get better.

Perhaps I'm just being too hard on myself at a vulnerable time?

Sorry for the rant-love to you all xxx

Ps I'm posting off my blackberry + for some reason it sometimes duplicates the message. Most frustrating.

Hi Kizzie - thanks for your message. This is a really horrid blip and am on day 9 so am worn out and physically exhausted with it all as well as the the depression and anxiety. How are you Kizzie - feel I've lost touch with where you are with things.

Hi Natsy - I haven't been called a girl for about 50 years!! I'm not really surprised that you had a wobble today as the first day of leaving a baby in nursery is always going to be stressful, even if you are emotionally tip-top. Did your little boy settle down after you'd gone and how was he when you picked him up. Do you feel happy with the staff? The only trouble with nurseries is that there does seem to be a high staff change over. Some of the best ones are asked by parents if they will be a nanny for them and offer them more money.

Mind I think it's more your own feelings related to your pnd and over thinking things - is that what hypervigilance is - myCPN said to me today that I was always over thinking and analysing etc., but that's they way I've been through my working life, so it's difficult to change.

I think you are being hard on yourself when you are coping with going back to work (that's difficult enough without pnd in the background) and leaving your baby.

As for the PND group - not sure of its remit - are you running the group as a "recovered" PND sufferer to give others hope. If so, I'm not sure that's entirely the best way forward because if you do get a few wobbles, surely it would help the others if you shared that, to demonstrate that you can have a few "ups and downs" with this illness, and then you won't feel a fraud, because you can't actually promise these other mums they will get better can you. We know the chances are very high of complete recovery, but I think it would be good for the other mums to know that you do still have wobbles. I remember you saying you were anxious because your friend had recovered before you, and the last think depressed people need is to feel it's some sort of race don't they.

Have a rest over the weekend and be kind with yourself. This is a vulnerable time for you as you say. Take good care NNx