Hi everyone.
Thank you all for your concerns, I'm sorry I've not been in touch I only got out of hospital last night.
There is so much I could tell you, but will keep it brief. I very reluctantly got induced for a natural/ vaginal birth, but the process really did not agree with me and there were various (very traumatic) complications which led to me having to have an emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic.
So I missed the birth altogether, which is a very strange feeling that I'm trying to come to terms with. I missed the moment when my beloved dp was told he had a son (oh the irony eh), and my memories of meeting him for the first time are really hazy as I was so out of it and still wearing an oxygen mask etc.
I guess what I want you all to know most is this:
I LOVE HIM. I DO. I'm sitting here crying as I write this because hes such a peaceful beautiful little soul and he's lifted the weight of the hideous last few months of my life in so many ways.
I have had a lot of wobbly moments, like difficult feelings about the birth, then seeing the baby girls on the ward and all the pink, and yes I do wish I had a girl, and am shit scared of the future. I dont know how I'm going to get my head round bringing up a boy, but I cant describe it. I wish I could show hm to you all.
And you know what, everyone says they have never seen a baby who looks so like his mother- apprently he's my image.
I dont want to say much more because there is still a part of me that thinks feeling like this cant last, but I just wanted to let you all know I'm a bit shaken up but just for today very grateful for this tiny thing who is through sleeping next to his daddy.
xxxxxx