Lelarose Desperately Depressed #2

[thatsnotmymonkey]

Hi Lela, I hope this is OK, come over here. We will all be here for you. xx

Lela, if we start driving you mad with signs and portents, tell us to SHUT UP. OK?

I though it was a BH too. nevermind, when it starts you will know.

I cant stand this anymore, just want it bloody over with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've had the worst 9 months of my life and something has to bloody give now I've had enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(nothing is happening)

oh no the infernal, constant texting & phone calls - nearly drove me insane & I went 4 days over. I felt like screaming down the phone at everyone

SOD OFF!!!!!!! SOD OFFFFFF!!!!!!

I bought a huge slab of pork shoulder & all the makings of a Sunday dinner at 3 days overdue & went into labour on the Sunday morning so never got to cook (or eat) it...

Thinking of you lela - scrubbing floors is good

Angry and cleaning are good signs I think. My friend remembers scrubbing her fridge out between contractions with her second - took her right up to going to hospital, she arrived just in time to pop baby out. That is a little more do-able with a second I think.

Hi Lela, I've been following your thread for a little while and rooting for you but didn't really have any useful advice. Just wanted to say I really really do hope things work out for you... I know that sounds a bit trite but I can't actually think what else to say!

I nested Lela.... have never been so house proud..before or after , I had towels on the radiator, and everything.....

I kept vertical until the last minute... was told gravity helped. Chewing the quilt brought strange relief after that....

Hi Lela

I would love to keep in touch of course - have been there and it does get better honest! In fact I really would like another baby soon, so I guess even though I had the worst ever time of my life for a while, it really can't turn out too bad if I'm considering another!

Being in an absolutely vile mood may be a sign that you will not be eternally pregnant, but I won't keep harassing you for any signs yet althoughdyingtoknow as I know how pissingly annoying it is to constantly be asked if you are still pregnant when overdue (when you blatently are - hello).

Sounds silly but try to enjoy and remember every last bit of your pregnancy and labour. You will strangely miss your bump and it's wriggles and try to memorise the first few moments when you meet your baby son. You may feel like nothing less at first but later when you have settled into the routine of motherhood you may feel misty eyed about it all!

Wishing you the very best, try to relax and put your feet up after all the cleaning.

Hope to hear from you soon xx

Good morning, Lela. Hope you're ok.

No Lela yet today...could things be happening?

Bad news- midwife couldn't do sweep as cervix not ready so I'm not expected to go til at least next week.

I know there could be a million reasons for this but I have no doubt whatsoever (and midwife agreed possible)that this is to do with my state of mind because I'm still so apprehensive about having the baby, so if anyone has any suggestions how I come to terms with having a boy over the next few days that would be amazing haha.

Because I still cant cope with it mentally and the worst thing for me now is if I end up getting induced- more pain, no homebirth etc.

Really frustrated with myself.

Have to teach lesson imminently but my cervix was still practically unreachable (and my how they tried - a whole arm up there at one point) and unready at 42 weeks BOTH times! And was definitely ready and happy and dead keen to have baby and all the rest of it. I'm fairly certain we don't have much conscious control over our cervix - if we did, I wouldn't have suffered the pain of some consultant people trying to reach it! Please don't feel this is your fault. There's the bell - how unprofessional - must dash. Not your fault though - just some cervixes like that. Honestly.... some midwives...

Yes, don't think MW was terribly helpful there. I think your boy is waiting until your friendly hb midwife is back from holiday.

Back again. Please don't feel bad about the sweep not working. It's not your fault at all. Partly why I didn't post much the past week or so is because my experience just involves waiting 42 weeks for babies with no labour whatsoever, even when induced, so I felt it wasn't really a hopeful experience to post! I also think - others can correct me if I'm wrong - that what happened to me isn't really very common so you stil have every chance of going into labour normally. (And before anyone's thinking I got my dates wrong, both conceptions were planned with military precision and I was regular as clockwork!)

I do empathise with the waiting, obviously, except in my case, everyone stayed well clear and didn't phone, so it got pretty lonely, especially as I had SPD and couldn't get out and about with my first. If, for some unlikely reason, you go 42 weeks too (really hope you don't) then my only advice is to have big pants ready in case of c section. Big pants definitely. Loved my big pants.

I found being induced painful when they put the gel in, but otherwise no pain at all. Had very mild contractions the second time round - wanted more! - but cervix clamped shut and unreachable after 16 hours so had my second section (they couldn't do the drip part of the induction owing to my first section). So I had pretty pain-free time, all in all, looking on the bright side.

It all just seems a distant memory now, and I just like watching my two singing and dancing and laughing. The waiting will pass and things will get better, maybe not overnight, but they'll certainly get better.

Sorry to have gone on. The whole 'unhelpful cervix' situation obviously hits a raw nerve for me, that's all! I do have friends who were overdue and gave birth naturally and pretty happily (annoying for me, obviously) and it could still happen to you

Noooooooo! Not your fault - nobody controls their cervix. Women go into labour that didn't even know they were pregnant, your subconscious is not going to stop it from happening.

I fainted in hospital and felt like everyone must think I was a drama queen but the MW looked at me like I was mad when I said so and told me "No one can make their blood pressure drop."

Same is true for you!

If it's anything it's the cosmos smiling on you and waiting for your best MW to be there.

Baby isn't quite ready yet.

The fainting was not sweep or labour related!! And anyways I was fine.

I know your scared but I'm excited for you, whenever ot starts - it won't be long till it's over and then you won't have to think about it anymore. The unknown is always worse.

Name changed from Poppymouse for Halloween by the way. I've never liked Poppymouse as a name so I may never change back.

Totally agree with pumpkinmouse - it is not you holding your cervix shut. It is normal for first babies to cook a bit longer. Baby will come when ready!

When cervix is tightly closed induction is not a great idea so best to do nothing for now.

And if you feel you will not cope with induction ask for a section - with your history I doubt they would refuse.

I'm sure you are all correct, just me beating myself up again. And the midwife was really nice and one of the homebirth team, so it wasn't her fault I got that thought im my head. I would actually be really pleased if it is her on call when i do go.

I want to thank you all again for how supportive you have been and let you know how much you have and still are helping me through a time in my life when I have been so scared and struggled so badly. I'm aware of stuff being said about me on another thread (words really do fail me as to why someone feels the need to do this but thats their business) but I'm just trying to rise above it. What I would say is that the support I've had on here has been invaluable, totally appropriate and I think a bunch of women who have never met who can talk together like this is inspirational, there is nothing negative to be taken from it.

I also agree with the above. Going over and having a tightly closed cervix has nothing to do with your anxiety. I went over with both my babies and on day 14 of DS2 my cervix was so tightly shut they couldn't do a sweep either. Having said that, one whiff of the induction gel was more than enough and he practically flew out so in my totally non professional opinion it's not necessariy an indication of what your body is ready for iyswim.

I have been reading your thread for a long time and have resisted from posting as I have no experience of what you are going through at all and felt I had nothing to add.

However, I've now had far too much alcohol as it is a wonderful Friday night (work full time!) and just wanted to say that I join those rooting for you, think that you are amazing for coming as far as you have and am sure that you will be an amazing, sensitive and caring mum to your little boy even if there are more difficult days ahead for a while. Every post you write shows your compassion, considerate nature and genuine desire to do the best for your family so I raise one more glass (too many) to you and wish you happier,easier days in the future.

Things change. I hope they so for you and that you will one day look back at the nightmare time you've had and be proud that you came through it.

Good luck Lela, with the birth and everything.
(with apologies for typos and drunken drivel)

Oh how annoying that the sweep didn't work out - it's crap being overdue and the not knowing when things will start. If it helps it didn't work for a couple of friends and they were both booked for inductions and both went into labour spontaneously.

You won't be pregnant forever, honest. Wishing you some more ripening

Hi Lela,

Still think of you often, going over is so, so frustrating. I went 8 days over and couldn't have a sweep as head was not engaged. I got myself in to an odd state where I sort of decided that I wasn't ever going to have a baby and would have to be 41 weeks pregnant for ever and ignored all the 'any news?' texts and so on.

Really wishing you the very best of luck eith everything, you deserve it xx

Thanks for the encouragement guys.

infin your message really made me smile x

lelarose this may be of no help to you - (but shouldn't make things worse at least, I don't think!) - but it is not necessarily the case that you HAVE to be induced after two weeks. My sister waited til three with my nephew because she had a feeling that the hospital had the dates wrong. Basically they advise it, in this country, but you do not have to have it done. I can completely understand that you may want to though if you get to that stage. In other countries (such as Germany, I think, or it may be Scandinavia) they 'let' people go longer and just accept that the body is ready when it's ready. You can also push for a scan to check whether the placenta is still functioning OK at the the two week mark rather than being automatically induced.
Also, induction doesn't mean that the birth will necessarily become medicalised. You could still have a water birth.

Hope you manage to have a restful weekend.

Thanks arcadia we did discuss this with the mw yeasterday and she said yes we could have a scan to make sure placenta still functioning and baby ok before agreeing to induction. But then if you do have to be induced you are on a drip throughout so have to be in hospital.

I would def have the scan first beause the nduction scares me.