Lelarose Desperately Depressed #2

[thatsnotmymonkey]

Hi Lela, I hope this is OK, come over here. We will all be here for you. xx

Should also say that "ungrateful tiny drunkard" is one of the best and funniest descriptions of a newborn I've ever heard. Though babies smell so much nicer than drunkards.

Hi, Lela. Have been seeing how you're doing the past week but everyone has so much better things to say than me so I've not bothered you. Thinking of you though - I went two weeks over with both of mine and those are four of the longest weeks I've ever had! Hope you have more luck than I did. You will cope whatever happens - the worst is definitely the not knowing. xx

Hi Lela

Just checking in. Hope you're ok. I stayed up watching the miners for as long as possible - fell asleep before the end. Gah. Will check in on you later.

Hi Lela

I'm still here too. I went over 13 days with my first baby and as I was in a similar state to you with all the anxiety etc I am feeling for you.

With every day that passed I became more and more in denial that it was ever going to happen. I felt like I was on the top of a rollercoaster teetering over the edge, screaming to get off, but no one heard me! You do go over of course, and I have to say that despite all my anxiety we both came out in one piece and that's what matters in the end.

I'm glad you didn't have the sweep if you weren't feeling ready for it. Nature will take its course I'm sure. I think you taking control of it is another example of your strength Lela. Keep reminding yourself of that.

Just to add my thoughts on a name - really don't worry about it. We went to the wire on both of ours. I just couldn't settle on my first because of all the feelings I had had during my pg so DH chose in the end. The child just grows into the name I'm sure so try not to worry about it too much.

Thinking of you today.

x

DomesticDisaster "I felt like I was on the top of a rollercoaster teetering over the edge, screaming to get off, but no one heard me!"- kind of sums it up, so glad you understand.

I dont feel like I'm going into labour anytime soon and its such a horrible limbo to be in. I'm going to have the sweep tomorrow I think, and I'm worried when i see the midwife I will break down and ask for a caesarian and she will either laugh at me and tell me I shouldn't try and have have a homebirth cos I'm too anxious. God this is so isolating, I just want someone to look after me. Why cant they be more understanding, I surely cant be the first woman they have come across who is this anxious about giving birth for the first time.

I'm also sick of all the texts from ppl asking if any news yet, which is totally irrational as if no one was taking an interest I'd be saying they dont even care.

Being a woman is hard.

Lelarose labour can start without much warning, so while today you don't feel you ever will go into labour it may start tonight.

And I hope it does because I can see this limbo is hard on you.

Can we give you a mantra to repeat at every idiot who has the nerve to suggest it: 'Anxiety is not a good reason for a hospital birth - i will fee lsafer at home'

Personally I don't find home birth and caesarian that far apart in terms of 'feel' - they are both options that you find slightly less hairy than the others. Fine.

I would suggest start labour at home and take it from there. You can go to hospital if you need more pain relief and have a c-section if you can't cope. All your options are open. Just have a bag packed in case you transfer, that's all.

Think madmouse's advice is very sound. And your comment re the texts very understandable - have seen many posts on MN to that effect!

Thanks thats reasssured me as starting at home and then hoping they will help me out if i cant cope is what I have been hoping will happen.

Bag has been packed and repacked all week x

I think that's the best plan Lela.

I think we can get too hung up on birth plans as when it comes to it we really have to go with the flow and IME what will happen will happen. For example, I was absolutely 100% against induction and in no way was I having it but with my second pg I had to have one and you know what, it was the best thing I could have done and it was fine.

I think that whatever you go through will be right for you and your baby. Start at home and just see what happens.

If you break down you break down. Don't worry. I was sobbing my heart out when I decided to go for induction. Like you, I had my DH/P with me and he was my rock - a sense of calm and rationality amongst my anxiety. You won't be on your own and it sounds like DP knows you really well and will be there for you.

People just don't understand how frustrating their text messages are - it's so annoying.

I remember getting increasingly upset at the daily texts and phone calls in the days leading up to the birth. My work colleagues would text even though they knew my DH was still at work (we work in the same place) and wouldn't be if I was in labour. My parents always sounded annoyed that I was late. A friend thought it was really funny to text saying I was a disappointment.

They didn't get that I was so full of hormones and so tired that they're constant messages put too much pressure on me and made me feel a failure.

Once I knew I was being induced I remember my mum going 'oh, I might not be able to come down that week' and thinking argh, that's why they wanted me to give birth early, but it's my job to have the baby - not to have the baby to other people's schedules!

Then everyone knew the day we were being induced. ON THE DAY, AT MIDDAY, mine and OH's phones both beeped at the same time. Mine from the disappointment guy saying 'have you done it yet' and his from my SIL asking if there was any news. I promptly burst into tears. They KNEW I was in hospital and still decided to nag, when they were both on the list for being told straight after.

Worse still, my SIL was training to be a nurse and had also been induced herself.

Sigh.

Sorry for the rant. Point is people are crap and the pressure is the last thing you need in the run up to labour. I know it's near-impossible but try to ignore the texts as best you can.

FWIW, I ended up having a c-section and it was fine. Absolutely fine.

oops, they're should be their in the third para.

No I appreciate anyone's ranting as I'm in one of the filthiest moods of my life.

Dp came in to find me mopping floors and ranting about the house being a filthy mess and went straight out again haha.

I'm angry. Angry at having a boy, angry at being angry at having a boy, angry about childbirth being so fucking hard and angry at myself for being so difficult to live with and messing up my pregnancy so badly.

I also can't bear the state of this house, I just seem to be moving piles of mess around and I want it PERFECT for the baby coming. Even mopping the floors is just moving dirt around rather than cleaning them and I'm so big and uncomfortable I just want to kill someone over this.

Slightly hormonal perhaps? ;)

lelarose I can completely see where you are coming from wanting the house to be perfect. Would it be an idea maybe to pay a cleaning company for a one-off spring clean of your house, IMO money very well spent if you can spare it; get them to do all the scuzzy jobs that get left, ie. the floors, skirting boards, dusting dado rails, blitzing your bathroom. Consider it, might just take one more stress off you.

Thats a great idea but I fear it may be a bit late to arrange that as I'm already 3 days overdue. Wish I had done that earlier, someone did suggest it but I never realised how much the house would stress me out.

Plus i have very little money of my own now I've stopped working and dp would just see it as another symptom of my craziness if I asked him to pay for it.

But thanks, it would have been a good idea x

Ooooh Lela, you could be nesting. I know loads of people who went into a cleaning frenzy shortly before going into labour. OTOH I remember getting massively upset that the nursery wasn't ready weeks before the birth, even though I knew he wouldn't be sleeping in it for months (it's mainly used as an airing room even now).

Right, will you promise us all that when the visitors start arriving and asking what can they do to help, be honest and get them ironing or washing up or whatever; I can remember people turning up and sitting on THEIR bums whilst I ran around getting cups of tea!

Ooh - filthy mood and cleaning - could be a sign. I never did cleaning, but utterly filthy mood was a sign of things starting for me.

Yeah I remember you saying that and was thinking of you just now habbibu.

Bump is rock hard and more uncomfortable than usual but other than that just feel the same, not that I have any idea what to look out for, apart from contractions maybe haha?

lelarose - if it helps, my DH always called sweeps "Supermarket Sweeps" after the dire daytime programme many years ago; Thinking of Dale Winton whilst "en-sweep" may make it a bit less stressful for you!

Meant to also tell you that if you don't want to go for calm during birth, a MW friend of mine said she'd rather have screaming loud angry music during birth than anything calm; she's the woman who pretended to push during an epidural, mind...

My filthy moods started a few hours before labour, and labour started with just feeling a bit different, followed by some very slight periody cramps, with me saying to dh, "well, it could be a contraction, but I'm not sure" for ages.

rock hard bump is a sign, for sure.

You sounds well, fiesty, I like it!

Is rock hard bump a sign? I don't remember that. I never once felt a BH contraction, though.

Halloween name change, sorry!

If rock hard bumps were a sign I'd have delivered at 17 weeks

Anything can be a sign, we are all different - until it really starts to hurt nothing is certain...

Sorry xx

Well bump goes rock hard during BHs and contractions doesn't it? I too was rubbish at noticing BHs though.

I can't help you with labour signs though as it just didn't happen for me (not bitter, honest guv). Waters breaking is one though :D