If you are a parent, please be brutally honest

[TheLuckyPearlCat]

Is it worth having kids?
Do you regret them? Do they massively improve your life? Do the benefits outweigh the cons?
For context, I'm in my 30s, happy with my life, have a loving partner, friends and family, love to travel and go out doing activities on a regular basis. We live in London with stable jobs etc. I don't feel anything is missing but I'd love to know what you really think. Please don't hold back!

Having my children is the best thing I've ever done.

I have three. Best thing I ever did. I'm newly divorced and tbh they have been a huge support. While I would have left a lot sooner without them, and happy as I am to be away from ex, I'd still rather have them plus the years with knob head than not.

My friend wanted kids. Husband told her after the wedding he didn't. She stayed. He now regrets that they didn't have any. Too late as 60+.

It's not a cost benefit analysis. It doesn't "improve your life." It's not like a machine.
It's a different life. More meaningful.

I agree with the above poster. They bring a joy to my life that I couldn’t even begin to describe.

Would I be better of financially if I didn’t have them? Of course! Has it all been easy and smooth sailing? Absolutely not, but I still wouldn’t change it for the world.

I can’t think of anything that I would have rather done than have them. They are in their teens now, so I have plenty of free time again. I actually really miss them being little.

Entirely worth it. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, and they change your life entirely and require so many sacrifices but it is so worth it. The love I feel for my child is unlike anything else. I couldn't imagine my life without them now.

As I said though, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. If it's something you want go for it, but it's not something to do if you don't feel driven to do it.

If you don’t want them don’t have them.
I wouldn’t change my 3 for anything, they’ve been the best part of my life and I’ve loved being a mum but it’s not for everyone and too many people have kids that aren’t really up for it imo!

I was in a very similar position. I wasn't sure if I actually wanted children or if I just felt like I should have them. I'm not hugely maternal but I cannot imagine my life without DS in it. I was waiting for him but I didn't realise it. That said, I'm more than happy to stick at one and we've still got a very nice lifestyle!

I always wanted kids and I have never regretted it for one second, but I honestly think that if you are not sure then I wouldn't. It is utterly life changing in every way.

Cross posted with @TheChosenTwo !

There ate dozens, if not hundreds, of threads about this on here. Look them up.

If you don’t feel anything is missing it might not be for you! I did feel something was missing.

For me there was something missing before I had a child. A huge gap in my life. It was incredibly inconvenient to want a child so much - I left my first husband because I couldn't live without trying to have one. For me, therefore, having ds was my heart's desire, his existence means so much, the experience of raising him though frequently very difficult was also joyous and worthwhile.

If I could have not wanted children my life would have been perfectly fine without one.

Having children has made my life so much more wonderful, it hasn't been plain sailing, I could be richer and done better in my career, gone on more holidays but I wouldn't swap them for the world. They don't laugh at my jokes so much now or think I'm as brilliant as they did when they were younger but I love being with them.

When I was in my early 30s, professional in London my friends in their late 30s started moving out and starting families - they said the children filled a hole and gave life a new meaning. It took many years for my daughter to arrive when I was 37 and she has brought me so much more joy than my previous lovely life of enjoying the best of London and travel - but I was bored of it and ready to become a mother ..

Doing a cost benefit analysis on having kids is pointless. On paper it’s mainly costs but it’s still the best thing I’ve ever done.

I would have been plenty happy without my kids, though I might have suffered plenty FOMO about being childfree too.

The highs are high but the lows are low.

If you don't feel a huge urge, then don't do it.

Well I have less energy, less money, do less for myself, see less of my friends, I've less interest in things I used to enjoy
... but they've added so much to my life I wouldn't change a thing.

This won't answer your question but I thought I'd say my piece.

I'm in the throws of it at the moment. My daughter is almost three, very strong willed and having lots of big emotions. I'm also pregnant with my second, due in February. TLDR I'm exhausted.

Somedays, quite a few actually, I don't enjoy motherhood, but the ones where I do are just something else. They make me more content than anything I've ever known.

I'd walk through fire for either of them without a second thought even though I've had lots of times that very day when I could happily pop my toddler in the bin! 😂

The thing is though, you don't miss what you don't have, that all encompassing love is something you can't describe and you truly can't understand until you experience it and in that respect, you won't miss it.

If you don't feel an urge to dedicate your entire life to being everything for a little person round the clock for the next few years then don't do it!

I wouldn't like to understate how hard it is. The loss of sleep, the loss of free time, the expense, the responsibility, the stress.

But I love my son, more than coffee, more than work, more than books, more than foreign holidays, more than climbing, skiing, ice skating. More than all other things that make life meaningful.

Plus as he gets older I can show him all these things, and he can show me the things that make his life meaningful.

I'd do it all again.

My son is amazing but ND. Just diagnosed (high functioning very intelligent but really struggles with emotional regulation and anxiety - I share this to emphasize that even though he has additional needs they aren’t very severe- we can go about our lives more or less, not everyone gets to lucky)
i love him to the end of the earth but parenting him is absolutely exhausting and in many ways has really damaged me as a person. I am constantly exhausted (have been for nearly 5 years) and am now realizing that this is likely always going to be very hard work.
i don’t regret it, but you wanted honesty

Those saying that life has “more meaning” after kids - I kind of don’t get that. My life was pretty meaningful before, and it feels in some ways it had shrunk down a lot since the birth of my boy. Now life is about surviving, navigating.

It is also a lot of fun and our boy is hilarious and very loving, and I really enjoy many aspects of being a parent.

It may be more difficult for you and it may be harder - you really don’t know.
but my view based on my experience is that if you don’t have overwhelming “baby lust” then don’t walk through the one way door.

It's a gamble, you will always love your child but depending on the type of child you get it can be relatively fulfilling and wonderful or utterly soul destroying and miserable.

Don't have a child if you are not 100% up for any and every horrible thing that can happen.

Having my son was absolutely life changing. Nothing could've ever prepared me for it. It absolutely hit me like a ton of bricks when he arrived, but the best ton of bricks I could of ever hoped for.

I'm exhausted, but it's 100% worth it.

I love having kids it’s all I ever wanted from
a young age. I knew when I was in primary school I wanted kids.

I don’t really find having kids hard work, I find my job harder. I think it completely depends on your personality and temperament of the kids.

I would do it again in a heart beat