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Original poster

If you are a parent, please be brutally honest

204 replies

TheLuckyPearlCat · 28/10/2024 20:49

Is it worth having kids?
Do you regret them? Do they massively improve your life? Do the benefits outweigh the cons?
For context, I'm in my 30s, happy with my life, have a loving partner, friends and family, love to travel and go out doing activities on a regular basis. We live in London with stable jobs etc. I don't feel anything is missing but I'd love to know what you really think. Please don't hold back!

OP posts:
bitsalty · 28/10/2024 21:46

comoatoupeira · 28/10/2024 20:53

It's not a cost benefit analysis. It doesn't "improve your life." It's not like a machine.
It's a different life. More meaningful.

I don't agree it's more meaningful. It's just different.

Nannylovesshopping · 28/10/2024 21:49

My three are the best thing I ever did, but I was always maternal from a very young age, go with your gut instincts!

ExhaustedHousewife · 28/10/2024 21:50

It's amazing! And if you think you love and adore your Husband, you can a million fold it when you see him hold your baby ,your creation in his arms.We have 3 children and a grandchild and when we look at her and look at each other we know our family is solid.No amount of money can compare.Nothing can.

thursdaymurderclub · 28/10/2024 21:51

at the time.. children were not on my radar, but i was told i was heading into early menopause and the GP said that it was a now or never situation, so we thought what the heck and DD arrived. What i didn't expect was the PND i suffered with, and the lack of support from my other half but we got through it. We decided that we didn't want just 1, so tried for number 2 and it just did not happen, and ended up having medical intervention and that was really the end of my marriage because the toll was too high. My husband just didn't want to give up his nights out, yet i almost went from party girl to mum overnight and we were no longer compatable.

being a single parent is hard, especially when your ex is next to useless and you have no other support but again i got through it with even worse PND the 2nd time round.

but now my DD's are adults, and considering i messed up a fair bit for a while they have turned out pretty good, and I'm a Nana!

and i can honestly say, the last 26 years, the lows, the mistakes, the effort and the effect on my MH are 1 million percent worth every single second

WonderingWanda · 28/10/2024 21:51

It is utterly exhausting, at times monotonous and relentless being a parent. It's such a huge commitment of your finances, time, emotional attachments and sense of self. However, it is also the most amazing bond, joyous, mind-blowing and incredible experience being a parent, being recipient to that unconditional love, trust and awe. You can't quite understand it till it's happened to you but then you can't ever go back and now what life might've been like without the kids.

Redplenty · 28/10/2024 21:51

They are hilarious. If you're an uptight sort of person you might not enjoy it, it's a lot of battling along as well as fun times, but if you're relaxed and can go with the flow then it's brilliant.

MsCactus · 28/10/2024 21:52

Before I had kids I was "happy" but always felt life was a bit empty - like I was chasing something for happiness. Career accomplishments felt good then faded. Nothing really gave me lasting happiness.

Since I've had my daughter, it's been the happiest I've ever been. We giggle every morning and evening - earlier me, DH and DD just all started dancing in front of the mirror together. It reminds me of the joy I had as a kid.

I'm now pregnant with my second and I honestly can't wait to make our little family even more full. I was very education and career focused, which I don't regret, but if I'd have known it was this much fun I'd have started sooner :)

ACynicalDad · 28/10/2024 21:52

I adore my kids and wouldn’t be without them, even when they’re being little shits.

User780 · 28/10/2024 21:54

It's the best thing I've ever done. Before I had children, part of me worried I would miss aspects of my old life, but there's just a shift of perspective and I've not resented the changes.

thebestinterest · 28/10/2024 22:03

When she’s up at 2 am crying and tossing around and I have to be up for work at 4am, yes, I do regret my decision to have kids. I don’t regret the decision any other time though 😂

hazelnutvanillalatte · 28/10/2024 22:04

Having a baby isn't like buying a washing machine. It's not a list of pros and cons. It's whether you want/need to and feel that pull to do it.

Thischangeseverything · 28/10/2024 22:05

I was on the fence about having children but I absolutely love it and wish I was young enough to have more.

Mugcake · 28/10/2024 22:16

Kids change every aspect of your life, and while they're amazing, they're hard work. I think if you're not 100% yes then don't have them. It's fine to be childless. Only you can say if you want them or not but dont do it if you only feel like you "should" have them.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 28/10/2024 22:18

My life before kids is pale in comparison to how my life has been enriched by my two DC.

It's hard work and they can be a PITA at times but so worth it.

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 28/10/2024 22:19

I love my children dearly but the amount of effort I have to put in every single day into them is massive.

The arguing, routine, taxi drives to take them to places, expense, crying, tantrums, remembering things that need to be done, or signed…

I don’t know. My life was fine before them and it’s a really big change and there is not turning back. Sometimes I regret it. Motherhood is overrated and in all honesty it’s brutal. It changes who you are as a person. In my case, I am the one running the household and it’s grinding to have other people’s needs at the forefront, when you also have your own and can’t get to them and no one considers them.

We don’t have family around and it’s very hard to have some respite from it all. I can’t even remember when it’s the last time I had a date with my husband.

By the time they are older they even complain you are not there for them. It’s soul crushing after all the effort you put in.

I wouldn’t have them if you are not convinced. Life is easier if you only have yourself to respond to.

MsShopper · 28/10/2024 22:19

Haven’t RTFT so sorry if anything like this has been said before. A friend said to me once to picture yourself in 30 years, sat at the dinner table, having a Sunday lunch at home. Who is there? Is it just you and your partner, relaxing with a bottle of wine? Or you both in a bustling room of adult children, grandchildren and general family chaos? Or something in between? She said that’s how you know if you want a family (and how big!).

Tintackedsea · 28/10/2024 22:19

My kids are great. Parenting is great fun (mostly!).

We don't go abroad or have nice cars or buy new tech. Which is fine. We weren't into those things anyway.

fairylickwid · 28/10/2024 22:20

I've replied in another thread that my DS is hard work but actually, having kids is the best thing I've done in my life. They often keep me on my toes but it is truly an amazing feeling being loved and being the only one. It's not the same feeling as having a relationship with someone you love. It's true unconditional love.

SkylarH · 28/10/2024 22:22

Honestly, the best thing.

My life was in black and white before my son was born.

However, I'm someone who always wanted kids.

There's a lot of hard work and responsibilities, so you've got to be ready for a total change.

LurkingFromTheShadows · 28/10/2024 22:22

I love my kids, and really really wanted a family with children. I have never felt regret. But it's a hard slog at times. I would say to anyone if you're not sure, don't. You have to really want them.

HS1990 · 28/10/2024 22:25

My life ambition was to be a mum. Working, having a career was mostly to keep me busy until I met my husband. We have a little girl and boy, ages 4.5 and 2. They drive me bonkers but I love them to bits. Now I'm looking for a job that works around my family and put them first.

Ilovelurchers · 28/10/2024 22:26

My daughter is 12, and she is the light of my life, the most wonderful person, honestly the best thing I have ever done. I love spending time with her, even though I am quite introverted and usually prefer my own company. But being with her is like being with an improved version of myself. (I mean that in the best possible way).

I didn't find the baby stage or the early years easy - I'm not naturally maternal towards little ones. But it was definitely worth the struggle and the boredom, to have her in my life now.

Northernsoul72 · 28/10/2024 22:27

TomatoSandwiches · 28/10/2024 21:02

It's a gamble, you will always love your child but depending on the type of child you get it can be relatively fulfilling and wonderful or utterly soul destroying and miserable.

Don't have a child if you are not 100% up for any and every horrible thing that can happen.

This really.

Rugbyballhead · 28/10/2024 22:31

I absolutely adore my child and feel very lucky. I always knew I wanted to be a mum.
I think if you're happy with your life and don't feel like anything is missing - you know the answer to your own question.

FigAndOlive · 28/10/2024 22:32

I was you 4 years ago! Always thought I wouldn’t have kids, life was good, traveling, dining out, lie-ins, gym, happy marriage. Honestly it started to becoming a bit dull living for my own self and pleasures, maybe it was the biological clock ticking but we went for it and got pregnant straight away. I had the newborn straight from hell, crazy hormones, thought I had ruined my life for good! This newborn is 3 now and is the light of my life, nothing makes me happier than seing her happy, even on the busy chaotic days I go to bed and think how lucky I am to have her. It was so good that we had another one and even though I am in the trenches right now (slepless nights, very though postpartum) I KNOW I’ll grow to love this baby as much as I love her and life will find its new balance soon. Babies and toddlers are hard work but if you have a loving hands on partner it is the greatest adventure of all! It also improved our marriage so much as we are now a team and have each other backs even more (important to note we had a very stable and loving relationship before already so I knew odds were in our favour).

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