is it normal for GPs to be unpleasant when you ask for emergency contraception?

[reguserdiffname]

I spent the best part of hour crying after visiting a GP at a walk-in centre this morning. Was with DH the other night and the condom split. I am right in the middle of my cycle so spoke to a pharmacist who referred me to the walk-in centre.
The GP asked me why I wasn't on the pill. I explained that I was on the mini-pill but it gave me horrendous bleeding. So then she asked me why DH hadn't had a vasectomy. I told her he'd researched and wasn't happy with the risks of complications. She then said I should try the Mirena coil. I told her I couldn't take that because of my migraine history.
She went on to berate me for relying on condoms and said that, as I was 40 and didn't want any more children I should accept sole responsibility for contraception.

Is this normal? Be gentle please!

No it's not normal.
I am on the pill but my gp keeps trying to get me to have a coil.
If you are happy with condoms then there is no reason to change.

I'd make a complaint.

What a horrible doctor. When I got the morning after pill after a condom split I wasn't berated at all. In fact she was very nice and also reminded me that as the MAP was contraception I wouldn't neec to pay the prescription charge :)

At 40 you could easily want more children - lots of people have children after 40. Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

I'd complain

It's not normal to be unpleasant.

It is however normal to take such an opportunity to ask about contraception generally, in order to see if there are other methods which might be suitable (and more reliable) to minimise the chances of your needing emergency contraception again (not least as its not 100% effective).

I went for the MAP and got a locum. Who told me he wouldn't give it me, and didn't know if the surgery would, as he thought that sort of thing was wrong. Luckily he went and got another GP who prescribed it for me after a long lecture (this was pre over the counter).

I guess they need to give the lecture in case you are genuinely clueless and relying on MAP for contraception. They don't know your circumstances, I guess they have to cater for lowest common denominator.

I can understand that. I've never used emergency contraception before. Even if I wanted more dcs there are physical reasons that mean it wouldn't be possible. (Don't want to go into detail as it could out me).
I had explained that I was with DH and we had chosen to use condoms because I have spent over 20 years putting hormones into my body and, as there is a history of early menopause in my family, I want to go into that process as naturally as I can.

I just felt her attitude was that women are solely responsible because we are the ones that deal with the consequences and that my feelings and opinions were insignificant and unimportant.

Thank you for all your responses

I'd complain too, that's not on.

It's absolutely appropriate for her to counsel you on better forms of contraception and make you aware of your options, especially long acting reversible ones. Mirenas are ok with migraines btw. Also the copper coil is good if you 'don't like hormones'.

It's not acceptable for you to feel small or lectured at.

I'm constantly surprised at the number of women who rely on condoms for contraception if a pregnancy would be a disaster. The failure rates are massive. If I can't persuade a patient to use something more reliable I tend to give them a MAP to keep at home as a 'just in case'.

(family planning trained GP)

What complications is your dh worried about? I thought a vasectomy was fairly straightforward?

Thanks - I spoke to GP about the coil before and he suggested the migraine link would be a risk factor. We have a family history of female cancers - cervical, uterus & womb. Does that restrict me IUD wise?

Actually I don't think it's appropriate for a doctor to counsel anyone about contraception unless it's asked for. It's patronising and the Op is an adult and can make her own decsisons.

It depends how it was said. Medically she was trying to be helpful so youre not in this situation again.

My urologist told me to lose some weight. I didn't ask him his opinion on my weight and it had fuck all to do with why I was there. BMI isn't horrendous but I'm overweight, nearly obese. Yes I'm an adult and aware I'm fat, can make my own choices, etc - but health promotion is part of a Dr's role.

I find GPs in the UK very confrontational about contraception in comparison to Irish GPs. We only use condoms too and the last time my GP started giving me "the lecture" I told her I was catholic (not true) to shut her up. If I were you I'd put in a complaint about her, her behaviour was very unprofessional, though not unusual in my experience.

Fuckity I think in general they are straight forward, dh had his last year and is still having discomfort and some pain which I believe is getting better.

She was being totally unreasonable- you didn't ask for contraceptive advice. You want to use condoms that's your choice.
The only time I went for the morning after pill after a condom broke I was treated appallingly by the GP at student services. I had irregular periods (because it turns out I had PCOS) and although I told her I knew I couldn't possibly be pregnant she insisted on doing a very rough internal examination to check and then a blood test and then I had to come back in 2 days to get the MAP. I was totally traumatised - I was 22 and very responsible. Thing is next time it happened a few years later I didn't go as I thought I'd rather be pregnant than lectured and sneered at.

fuckity and Thistledo - it's the discomfort and pain aspect which is apparently a fairly frequent occurrence. Ultimately I am not willing to pressure him into surgery he doesn't want.
Choosing condoms was an informed decision we made as a couple. We buy Durex Extra Safe. They have split twice in the last 18 months so we consider that be reasonable (if not great). Shame you can't return them as not fit for purpose
I feel that she was belittling me and criticising my decision. Why would I put myself first after all? If I was regularly using emergency contraception then fine, have a moan. But once in over 20 years of sexual activity seems wrong.

Thank you all for being nice - feeling much better now!

I find it's normal for GPs to be unpleasant full stop.

So sorry this one gave you a hard time about such a sensitive issue. Write a formal complaint.

I didn't know discomfort and pain were the norm tbh. Obviously it's going to hurt but I hadn't realised how much. If I may be rude though, presumably your dh would see you go through the pain and discomfort of abortion if the MAP didn't work? Vasectomy is a good long term solution, so I can see why it was suggested, especially if you're not keen on hormones, which is, after all, what the morning after pill is, in a massive dose. I do think the GP was trying to be helpful, if tactless.

fuckity I understand what you're saying but DH is really supportive of ANY choices I make. It would be my choice to terminate any pg we hadn't planned just as it would be my choice to try and continue with one. He would support me either way. We have been through the mill ttc, mcs, potential serious birth defects, difficult births etc. This really isn't a me versus dh argument.

Ideally the menopause will come along reasonably quickly. As LadyClarice says, this is a sensitive issue. It's not like we got drunk and forgot to use a condom, it split. I think we have the right as a couple to make own contraceptive decisions and, if that doesn't work out, we have the right to deal with it in the way we choose.

I just didn't expect the GP to be so harsh and try to force me into a situation I didn't want.

She should discuss contraception with you but as an equal, in an appropriate, informative and professional manner. Lecturing you in that way is entirely inappropriate. I would send a formal complaint if only to make her think and perhaps avoid her behaving in the same way to anyone else.

I thought condoms were a perfectly valid choice of contraceptive. Millions use them every day. Unless your GP is doing this in the spirit of making sure you're fully informed, she should but out.

Thanks for your support. I'm not generally reduced to tears by much but I didn't expect to have to go through this!