Music competitiveness -how do you deal with it?

[maggiethecat]

I'm realising more and more that dd (8.5) is very competitive about her music (not so generally I'd say).
So she likes the fact that she's done grades early etc. And I noticed recently that after a music festival that she entered she's been quite charged up for practice. I think that it's because she observed players with a wide range of ability and could see standards that she could work towards in the form of little people not much older than herself.

I think this is good if it motivates her to practise and she is happy to do so. However I don't want her to become fiendish. I'm wondering how I can allow her to use this aspect of her personality to good effect?

As long as it's not stressing her out, I wouldn't worry about it. By all means encourage her to enjoy her music for its own sake, but a bit of healthy competition can also be a great motivator.

I sing in a choir which enters a competitive music festival once a year. I'd say we consistently sing much better during the team when we are competing than in the other terms. People that don't bother practising at home for the rest of the year get the competitive glint in their eye and pull out all the stops!

I've seen that glint in her eye too! It's good that she does have spirit in her - I suppose I'd like for her to use it perhaps to motivate and inspire rather than becoming too bogged down about being 'better' than someone else.

It's a good thing! If she decides to take things further with music, her auditions ARE competitions!

Why is being competitive bad? OK no one likes those 'I'm a winner, you're a loser' types but one can be competitive and still be a nice person.

I don't think it is inherently bad and can see where it can be very useful. However, I would like her to enjoy her playing without feeling that she must constantly be pitching her ability against someone else's.

Does she play in an orchestra? That would encourage her to play with people rather than competing all the time..... Or would she just try and play the loudest?

maggie -sounds like you are afraid of being me :)

I don't see anything wrong with 'trying to do well', especially if she enjoys it. And as long as you still reward her effort (and not just her achievements) and she isn't 'mean' to others about it, I really wouldn't worry.

She's in the orchestra and a quartet which she enjoys (a bit scatty though as she has to have someone buddy her in case she forgets to show up!).

Does your name give you away Pusheed?

I like that she wants to do well but more than anything I value the joy that her music gives her.

I was thinking about it and think that I'm afraid that her (music) self esteem could become dependent on how good she thinks she is in relation to others.

We had a funny moment once when she was playing a piece and flung herself in my lap in frustration as she declared 'even Itzhac Perlman plays better than me!'

We still have a good laugh together about that one.

Pushy compared to parents at our former primary but laid back compared to some parents at current secondary :)

Its good your DC enjoys her music. I've seen so many kids who were merely satisfying a parent's expectation.

I don't think that competitiveness is a bad thing so long.

My DD has taken part in music competitions at school for the last 3 years and it really inspires her to practise. It's good for her to play in front of an audience too.

The only thing she doesn't like is competing against her best friends.