How to deal with miserable parent

[importantupdate]

DM has never been a very cheery person at the best of times, and is already on anti depressants. At times over the last few years I’ve ended up dialling back on visits because of the effect it was having on my own mental health.

Recently had an accident/subsequent operation and I’m having to visit daily (most days more than once) to help with things and bloody hell it’s hard work. I get it, being stuck indoors unable to do much and being in pain is awful but the constant moaning is really getting to me.

Does anyone relate? How do you deal with it? It’s reaching the stage where I’m going in, doing what needs doing and then I’m desperate to leave. If I sit there there’s no interest in chatting, just a lot of huffing and moaning.

Was she discharged from hospital?. I would certainly complain to PALS if your mother was sent home seemingly without any care package in place.

I would contact your mother's council Adult Social care department and inform them you are no longer able to come in to see her daily. She needs carers to come in and I would cut down on the number of visits you are making. This situation is untenable in the short term, let along long and you will end up with carer burnout.

Refused a care package as is able to shower/get dressed. Just can’t do things like shopping/housework which is where I’m stepping in. Tbh I don’t mind helping out, it’s just the constant negativity and moaning that’s getting to me.

Yes it’s straightforwardly tough being the misery sponge, however much you do empathise.

Im guessing any suggestion she gets her meds reviewed by the GP for a possible higher dose or better pain management gets dismissed.

Not easy op. Mine is quite negative. Im tired from it. I called saturday I had no news she had no news.. I cut back due to this.

I have the same with my dad. He’s always been a negative person. No interest in anyone else. Honestly, it drains me. The only advice I have is to pull back a bit, but that’s not a perfect solution either as it comes with extra sulking and extra demands.

Yep. She pays for someone else to go there. No way am I visiting her to do that crap for her. I stick to x2 per week for 1/2 hour max.

You have to sort of emotionally detach, say mmm a lot and I find humming helps. Or listening to podcasts. It’s hard

This was my dad. I would give him five minutes to moan at me and then I would chat away about complete nonsense and barely let him get a word in. Luckily I talk a lot of crap. I'd make chit chat about the weather, dog, telly, royal family, my allotment. I'd have the radio or telly on in the back ground. I'd take a cake so that at least I could enjoy that.

In truth it was exhausting. He never changed and was the same with everyone.
Can someone else help you out OP? Your mum sounds very wearing and is lucky to have you.