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Elderly parents
Original poster

To ask elderly father for money towards bills

20 replies

TheOpalFox · Yesterday 10:35

My father came and lived with me and my long term partner 2 years ago.
he’s vunerable
and got
additional needs.

i have never charged my father anything for living here etc because well I dunno I felt bad.
my longer term partner has now left me and financially I’m struggling.

would it be wrong to start asking my dad to contribute towards living here. ? I feel really bad but we did move into a bigger home so my dad could have a bedroom here ? My dad gets a private pension. I just feel guilty charging my dad for living here ? Any tips or advice please? I guess if dad was living alone etc he would have bills. I Just feel bad ? Any advice please thankyou

OP posts:
blu3berry · Yesterday 10:37

As you are financially struggling, I would ask him.

Snorlaxo · Yesterday 10:38

Yanbu

Show him the actual numbers like council tax =x, electricity = y so he knows that the amount isn’t just a random number.

Igmum · Yesterday 10:39

Definitely ask him. He should have offered.

Tourmalines · Yesterday 10:40

He really should have been offering . I think he’s taking advantage . Yes, of course he should contribute. Does he pay for groceries?

TeensNoMore · Yesterday 10:41

Yes of course.

Cadenza12 · Yesterday 10:44

Of course you must ask him to contribute. Work out some costs and a reasonable percentage that he should contribute. Eg. 50 percent of food, heating etc. TBH your mistake was letting him stay for free initially so it may feel like an entitlement now. However your circumstances have changed now so must his.

CrapADoodleCupcake · Yesterday 10:54

Why do you ‘feel bad’? This is a crazy stance to take OP! Would you feel bad asking for payment from your employer? Or for payment for any service you provided to anyone else? No of course you wouldn’t! Your father has a private pension, and if he’s of state pension age, he’ll also be in receipt of the state pension on top, plus any other savings and/or investments he’s accrued.

You’re being taken for a ride here!

Yogabearmous · Yesterday 10:56

Of course he should be contributing!

katzrooldogzdrool · Yesterday 10:58

Of course he should contribute. Any adult should expect to cover his own living costs, unless he has no income at all. How does he expect you to pay for groceries, utility bills, repairs?

Ethelspagetti · Yesterday 11:12

Of course he should contribute 50 percent. Write down a list of bills and explain to him with partner gone, you cannot afford all the bills. So could he please pay half?

Missingducks · Yesterday 11:17

You need to share some information with him, including that you need help covering the costs. If you can't cover your costs then neither of you will have somewhere to live!

leparoo · Yesterday 11:19

You know he needs to contribute, however.....

You say he is vulnerable and has additional needs, so is he compos mentis, and do you have POA for him? If not, and if he is legally able to do so, get that sorted asap for a start.

He may qualify for benefits, I don't know, has he/you checked this out?

Is he capable of understanding the situation or is he just miserly?

With a bit more information on the situation, people might be able to advise/help with suggestions.

Tryingtobenormal124 · Yesterday 11:35

If your dad lived alone, he'd be paying all of his bills. Suggest at least half. He sounds financially fine. If you're having to look after him to, he maybe entitled to certain benefits too

mumof2many1943 · Yesterday 11:36

Not quite the same but my three adopted children now adults live with me, I just get a state pension so they have to pay me, they get more money than me! I have several friends in the same situation and all charge their children (adults!) for board and lodging!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · Today 17:45

TheOpalFox · Yesterday 10:35

My father came and lived with me and my long term partner 2 years ago.
he’s vunerable
and got
additional needs.

i have never charged my father anything for living here etc because well I dunno I felt bad.
my longer term partner has now left me and financially I’m struggling.

would it be wrong to start asking my dad to contribute towards living here. ? I feel really bad but we did move into a bigger home so my dad could have a bedroom here ? My dad gets a private pension. I just feel guilty charging my dad for living here ? Any tips or advice please? I guess if dad was living alone etc he would have bills. I Just feel bad ? Any advice please thankyou

He has dementia and double incontinence. Where is his money going already seeing as you have POA?

Denimdungerees · Today 18:43

Definitely needs to pay his share of bills

If he lived in a care home, it would be 1000s per month

Bjorkdidit · Today 19:02

Of course he should contribute. It costs you money in food, utilities, council tax and possibly more for him to live with you and he has his state and private pension and it sounds like he's entitled to attendance allowance so he can easily afford to contribute a decent amount.

He's probably got loads of savings too as he won't be spending all his money each month if you're supporting him.

Denimdungerees · Today 19:06

Claim this for your DF

It is not means tested

www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

Denimdungerees · Today 19:09

As a carer you should claim this

The earnings cap is changing after the budget

Your National Insurance contributions are paid if you are not working

https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance

Carer's Allowance

Apply for Carer's Allowance - money to help you look after someone who needs to be cared for. Apply online or use form DS700.

https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance

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