Advice for helping parents move

[Cheshireflamingo]

My parents need to move house, and I’m after some advice and perhaps a bit of a hand-hold.

After years of resistance they have now admitted that my mum’s health really means that their house is totally unsuitable.

We’ve had the house valued. It might just get them enough to buy a flat in a nearby retirement complex. The flat comes with an outrageous service fee, which they can afford while there’s two of them, but could be an issue when one of them dies. I’m also worrying about how long the house might take to sell.

I’ve contacted the local authority to see if they might be eligible for a council flat, and am waiting to hear back. My parents are concerned that the council flats are very small. The advantage would be that they’d be able to move before they’d sold their house.

They need to stay in the small town in which they live. They have friends there and my dad can walk to the local shops. I don’t live close enough for us to live together.

In addition to the practicalities, they’re also finding it all very sad. I thought I’d be delighted that they’d finally agreed to move, but I’m sad for them. My siblings and I have all said we’ll help with the move.

Has anyone got any advice on helping them? Are there options for moving that I’m not aware of?

I would look at every possible option other than a McCarthy & Stone type private retirement complex. If they really are set on that, see if they could rent rather than buy.

Just look on rightmost for a flat of bungalow.

I really don’t think a flat with a service fee that will likely become tricky to afford when one of them dies is the way to go.

And aren’t they a bit of a nightmare to sell sometimes. Not what you want in a probate situation.

Sadly there is very little available in their local area.

Have they been assessed by adult social services? They might have options in the area that you haven't considered which would suit their needs better.

I took my mum to a retirement type place. I realise they are all different, but it was very much geared to getting healthy/well/active people more social. So might be great if someone lived alone or say couldn't drive and wasn't getting out of the house much. They had daily activities and sports on site and a bus service to the shops and outings like a golf club, theatre etc. It had a call bell for emergencies but it was very clear that if the resident needed any type of nursing care/support with meds/dressing etc then that retirement village wasn't for them and they'd need to move out! You'd need to check the T&C's carefully because some/most have a clause that the flat needs to be sold back to the freeholder company and they will re-decorate- at their own charge. The fees were high and it just seemed that mum would be haemorrhaging money- then need to move again if/when she needs more help. Sorry, I realise that isn't helpful, but I'm be very cautious about those retirement type villages.

Do not buy a retirement flat as the charges are very high and they will lose a lot of money. Rent one which makes financial sense as one of them might need care home facilities sooner rather than later. It could be better to rent out their current home, so that would cover the retirement flat outgoings.

I would avoid a McCarthy & Stone type retirement complex, that type of property brings a lot of problems with it.

How old are your parents?

You say your mum needs to move due to health needs. Unfortunately by the time the parent acknowledges this, it is often verging on 'too late'. As you say the house could take a while to sell, they may struggle to find a suitable property, and the move will be a huge disruption. My grandparents intended to move from their house to a flat nearby, but kept putting it off. Then suddenly they were 85 and their health began to fail, but a move was beyond them mentally and physically so they stayed where they were.

Is there a way of adapting your parents' house to their needs, for example with a stairlift or other aids? Or by moving a bedroom downstairs?

I found the key with moving my in laws was to break it all down and help them with every stage. Even though they were theoretically capable of doing it themselves, their mental agility was so reduced it would have taken a decade and been hugely stressful for them

so step one was to prep the house for sale, so we rented a storage pod and sorted (threw out/donated) loads of stuff. The goal was two fold, downsizing for the new flat and also getting it out of the house to stage it for a sale. I went every day for a week and did all the grunt work. I sat them in a chair in the living room and brought them piles of stuff to decide on. Then took the piles away to the car/rubbish bin so they exited the house that day (otherwise they would have changed their minds and brought stuff back in). Pieces of furniture to be donated went into the garage and a charity came and picked them up.
then i booked them into a hotel for a week and we cleaned and painted the house (it was grim as they had got behind on cleaning) and the estate agent took the photos.

the house went on the market and we priced it very competitively as selling it fast was the primary goal.

living with most of their stuff in storage was very helpful for them as they realized they didnt need a lot of it. So when the storage pod came back we did another big sort with them and got rid of more

then we helped them pack and move and unpack and set up all the new accounts and change of address etc.

it was lots of work for us, quite like moving ourselves (but more work as we had to explain and consult with them along the way) and we just assumed we were going to need to do everything. But it worked and they didnt get overwhelmed or too stressed or back out.

Have you looked at the feasibility of adapting the house? Shower, stair lift, changing furniture etc? There may be financial help available.

I'll go against the grain here. MIL and FIL needed to move quickly due to MIL not coping with FIL's dementia and living in an inaccessible area. We went with a retirement flat in our area. They bought the house in exchange for the flat - we are in Harrogate so prices are comparable. Its near the hospital and also the doctors. MIL was then also diangosed with dementia and moved into a care home nearby. FIL visited until she recently died. The managers and staff at the retirement complex are amazing. They watch out for FIL and let us know if he's out etc. I cannot ask for anything more from them. Yes the fees are extortionate and I know we will be left with a burden but for peace of mind it has been worthwhile.

Parent was in a McCarthy and Stone flat. Don’t buy. Rent. I cannot stress that strongly enough. No service charge and you don’t leave a massive millstone round anyone’s neck

PLEASE RENT!