Dementia and denial, how to help mum?

[bababoombadabing]

My sister and I are really concerned.
We have a history of dementia in the family and our mum is progressively showing signs, over the last 18 months. She's in her early 70s, I live quite far away but speak daily. My sister is local.

Weve both seen the same symptoms. Weve both had a quiet word with our stepdad who says he can't see it, we think hes know for her because she can be somewhat argumentative and I think it would cause conflict. She can already be quite snappy.

We know their are medications to slow progression, ive mentioned it once but she waved her hands and snapped at me saying her GP says shes in fabulous health.

I can understand why shes like that, I really do and I know shes frightened of getting it because she has lots in place for if, in her words 'she goes gaga' and wants us to tell her if we see signs and to 'just stick me in a home'

Is there anything at all we can do? Can we talk to her GP?

Thank you and im sorry if I have triggered anyone.

Hello!

Unfortunately until her capacity is at question the GP won't discuss her with you and it wouldn't be fair to your mum.

I would ensure things like a ring door cam are on her house for if she goes out, and keep talking to your step dad and sister. Unfortunately we tend to see action once patients are more easily diagnosed.

You can write to the GP with your concerns, but there isn't really much point. She is unlikely to agree to have the necessary memory tests and MRI. And medication is unlikely to help despite what you read in the media. A diagnosis will just tell you what you already suspect, it won't change anything.

So I wouldn't push it. I wouldn't mention it to her again as it will just distress her, and she will continue to deny it because people with dementia very rarely have that insight into their condition. I would just wait to see how things progress.

I'm sorry, I had three relatives with dementia so I know how hard it is.

If they won’t accept help, think it’s difficult to do anything until there is a crisis.
My mum always does well in those memory tests so the GP won’t diagnose anything, even though she’s extremely forgetful at home.

Medication CAN help with mood problems. It really does come down to her consent though, if she doesn’t want to have the tests it is her choice. I’m so sorry, it’s very hard and will probably get harder. This is what my Mum is like too.

I did think that should I be luckily enough to get advice here, that it might be as all of you have said.

Thank you so much for your insights and advice.

We are similar stage with mother, been through with MiL, but because she was alone she asked for our help and was happy to go the doctors, a nurse friend said that as we didn't have PoA on health she could write a letter saying my son can sit with me and help make decisions - so he sat in on her memory tests. They printed off a huge PDF with suggested charities and places for help and she refused them all and any anti depressants. Where as my mother has agreed to anti depressants but there has been no talk of memory tests or dementia and most of the time you wouldn't think there was an issue - certainly a short GP appointment would not highlight it. We are all just watching and waiting but my father rings up and starts moaning and how difficult it is without having the nerve to make an appointment for her to see the GP..... It's horrid to think it will only get sorted in the case of a crisis - but often that is the case. Your step father likely doesn't want to face it and it may not be so obvious when there is a slow gradual decline to those living with it daily. I wish you luck, and can only say having chats with siblings and others really helps - even if you can't change things.