Hoarder receptive to change

[ElderlyPIL]

FIL has been released from hospital after 4 weeks. The council has moved all his items upstairs, to set him up with a micro living arrangement downstairs. Before he fell over his clutter and was in hospital, he was getting around, down to the local shops and doctors by himself. He has come home unable to even get out of the hospital chair, or turn himself over in the bed they have provided. Carers are coming in 4 times a day and OT is due apparently going to be in contact this week.

He is upset at losing his independence and saying that it’s his fault he is in this situation. He is in pain from being sat in the chair all day. He was happy we started to cut back the thorn bushes that had blocked the windows and doors into the garden and today said he knows we need to clear the property, saying all the newspapers can go (this is the majority of his collection). He agreed we could get rid of the cardboard and recycling in the garage as well to make room for us to sort things.

While it seems great that he understands and keeps thanking us for helping him out, I’m concerned how this will play out when we actually remove the items that he has wanted to keep for so long.

Do we hire a skip (it’s 3 double bedrooms that are 5 bags deep), or is that likely to stress him out more when we start clearing? are we better off removing items gradually over time? Anyone been through a hoarder agreeing to let items go?

No experience but bumping for you 💐 sounds like he is lucky to have you all to support

Strike while the iron is hot/ he is still on painkillers.

I'd take stuff out in bags. See if you can place a skip a little further down the road. Or see if you could hire a van to take recycling somewhere appropriate.

Hi @ElderlyPIL do you know what is actually in the bags?

Some social services have specialists who can help with hoarding. There's even a scale of clutter

Good luck.

The reality is that after 4 weeks in hospital he won’t get back to his previous baseline. I would the things he needs for downstairs. I would be tempted to lie to him about the garage and what is upstairs as he is very unlikely to see upstairs again in person.

Your easy choice is to remove everything he already consented to being removedl. Then assess what is salvageable in the remainder.

Based on my habit of watching dehoarding programmes... Some hoarders are suddenly better and can wave it all goodbye, some freak out about even tiny removals.

A big common thing is that watching stuff leave is the hardest thing for most of them. It's usually easier if the stuff goes when they aren't at home.

Is the stuff upstairs infested with mice? Was he using his own loo properly or did he resort to something else for toileting? What is the siutation inside the fridge? Are there bags of rotting food or is everything hygienic, just too much stuff everywhere?

Thankfully there are no infestations and while the place isn’t clean, there is no biohazard concern. I have seen the chest freezer is full of out of date food frozen into one big lump. Most of the hoard is newspapers and clean recycling like margarine tubs and milk bottles. Although I’ve been told he has a few old car batteries buried under junk the stairs which is concerning.

Fire service visited and have given instructions that we need to try and clear doorways to ensure doors are kept shut, and he was telling them he knows he has to let people take the stuff out of the house. I wasn’t about today so the fire service were not told about the batteries.

He just seems so resigned and almost depressed, he doesn’t want to watch tv or read. He is sitting in a chair unable to get up, make a cup of tea or even switch on the lights, as he is totally reliant on carers. He has been trying to move his legs about and he seems keen to do the exercises the OT have given him, so I think he knows he needs to make changes. We want to help, but don’t want to make his mental status worse than it is.

I’d get it out quickly, and get it whisked away in a van if possible- can work out same as a skip. This avoids any regrets/ concerns about bags “needing to be repacked” etc.

If it is unlikely that he'll go back upstairs (and won't try to) then I'd triage up there for anything mega dangerous and then focus on downstairs and making the space he lives in better. So a clean space with enough of his stuff to be happy but safe. But just don't tell him you're going upstairs, don't mention it or do it when he is watching.

If you can ever get him out of the house in a wheelchair or he has to go for an appointment, blitz what you can upstairs but don't do it when he can see. I recently had to clear my parents house and literally fought with my dad over a box of Sunday times magazines from 1999 (and three houses ago, so he's brought it with him). It is not worth the upset to do this while they can see what you're doing

Just wrt the lights - can you get a smart bulb or two and an Alexa, so he can command the lights on and off from his chair, play music, and more.

Also, wrt the batteries - you need to be careful. Call to make sure they can be taken to the tip or to find out where you should take them. Wear protective gloves. It may be a hazmat situation.

Don't be so sure there's no infestation.

That's great you've had fire service advise.

Upstairs, I'd be thinking about removing stuff that he'd never use again. Unsuitable clothing, for instance, that has no chance of being sentimental value. Ancient electronics, broken things including battered furniture, old and smell off toiletries.

You won't know there's no infestation until you excavate and have completely clear floors. Heck, my house has little stuff in it & yet I have rodent problems (kitchen, loft, and inside the walls which means they got under floorboards at one point).

If he’s hoarding and seems depressed has the Doctor prescribed any SSRIs?