Should I be worried about my 84 yo mum's confusion?

[WestieRiots]

My 84 year old Mum lives on her own since my Dad died 6 years ago. She and I live about 80 miles apart and I go and stay with her for a few days, every three or four weeks. I'm retired, so luckily have the time to do this.

About six months ago, she suddenly decided to order herself a new tumble dryer from John Lewis, which she told me about but to my surprise she did it without any assistance from me. It all went well and I was very impressed because when Dad first died, her hands used to shake with fear when ordering anything online or looking at her bank account, so this is a big success! She told me that her next project was to do some research on washing machines and order herself a new washing machine.

I visited her this week and while I was there, asked her if she was still going to order herself a new washing machine. She looked completely confused and cried "No! I've already got one! Haven't I?". I was a bit taken aback by this and told her she had got a new tumble dryer but not a new washing machine and I went to check, just to make sure it wasn't me getting confused. The washing machine was the old one. She had a look at her paperwork and said she had bought the washing machine in 2015 but it still worked, so she wasn't going to bother buying a new one. I left things there.

Later on, I had a look through her iMessages (only to make sure no fraudsters have slid in and started grooming her etc) and looked at a conversation she had had with my cousin. She had told my cousin that I had fallen over in a hospital and broken my wrist. "Typical that I am 84 and yet it's WestieRiots that has fallen over! A hospital was the right place for it to happen though I suppose". Except that I haven't fallen over, in a hospital or anywhere else, and I haven't broken my wrist. I've had some minor, planned surgery on my wrist to try and deal with some recurrent pain which I have previously told her about in conversation.

Should I be worried? Because I am worried!! Or is this normal age related forgetfulness? I'm due to go on holiday for three weeks in a few days, and am terrified she's going to start wandering the street naked while I'm away or something. Should I cancel? worry, worry

That sounds like the beginning of dementia to me I am afraid. I am very much in the same situation so feel your pain. It's really hard as they get increasingly confused and forgetful, the mood swings, the irrational behaviour. I would try and let her GP know.

Filling in gaps of knowledge by Confabulating can be a sign of dementia

That’s not normal aging no. It’s quite common for a mind that is missing information to fill in the gaps with information that makes sense but isn’t true.

When was the message? If both episodes of confusion were very recent, with no previous signs, it could be a UTI.

Thank you, I didn't know that

thank you, I hadn't thought of that. I'll get that checked out

It sounds very much like dementia I’m afraid. My DM said and did very similar things. Confabulating is a classic dementia flag.

Does she faff a lot? With handbags, coats, putting shoes on, walking around repeatedly to locate things, then changing her mind, and opening stuff and closing stuff etc. This sort of erratic faffing was a big dementia sign for years with my DM but I didn’t know it then. I just thought she was extra wired and stressed but it’s so obvious to me now when I see it in people with dementia. It’s got it own unique energy to it that you can’t unsee once you have seen it in a close relative. You’ll see it in others then when most won’t.

I haven't noticed her faffing 🤔but I'll look out for it.